PAUL RUDD TO PLAY STEVE GUTTENBERG

HOLLYWOOD – Paul Rudd is to play Steve Guttenberg in a new biopic of the actor made famous by Cocoon, Three Men and a Baby and Police Academy.

The new Ant-Man, Paul Rudd, spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

Steve Guttenberg was my inspiration growing up and I would never have thought to have challenged the role if it wasn’t for the fact that the script was out of this world and Alejandro González Iñárritu is a director I greatly admire.

Based on Iñárritu’s own script the film – provisionally entitled Guttenberg – focuses on a late moment in Steve Guttenberg’s career. Rudd explains:

This is not a classical biopic which sweeps from childhood through early struggles and success to inevitable decline. Instead we find Steve at a later part of his career. The heady days of the Eighties are over and the nineties have been dry, but Steve is preparing his directorial debut P.S. Your Cat Is Dead. Alejandro sees the film as a companion to Birdman, continuing his obsession with stars of the 80s and 90s, seeking to make artistic statements.

Did you see the original film?

Yes. It should be a lot better known. It’s really good. We want to make people realize that the guy from Short Circuit was an accomplished actor and director and not think of him as simply a possible cloned threat from China.

A what?

  There’s talk that China have 3D printed an army of Guttenbergs.

Good God!

Quite.

Guttenberg Will be released in 2023.

CHINA 3D PRINT AN ARMY OF GUTTENBERGS

The Chinese government have confirmed that they have successfully 3D printed an army of Steve Guttenbergs

 

BEIJING – The Chinese government have confirmed that they have successfully 3D printed an army of Steve Guttenbergs, but have assured the West that they are only to be used in cases of extreme defense and/or ‘to f*ck up Tibet’.

The Studio Exec previously reported how 3D printers when set to random would print a Guttenberg, but this was initially perceived to have been a glitch in the hardware. It has now become apparent that the Chinese have either taken advantage of the glitch, or had designed the 3D printers intentionally to create weapon grade Guttenbergs. 

The star of Police Academy, Three Men and a Baby, Cocoon and P.S. I Killed Your Cat is reportedly sanguine about having been cloned. He issued the following statement:

I believe that the Chinese government have taken this action only in the interests of world peace. With the power vacuum left by the collapse of American power abroad, it behooves the world’s largest economy to step in and take over the role of global policeman. If they need to do so using clones based on my image, then all I can say is the world is in safe hands.

President Obama expressed concern at the escalation, and international observers voiced worries that a new arms race is in progress, as reports reached us last night that the Russians have deployed an army of Kelsey Grammers on the Ukraine border.

What do you think? Should Steven Guttenberg be taken out as a ‘preventative measure’? Leave a brain stain in the comments box below.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT STEVE GUTTENBERG

HOLLYWOOD – Who is Steve Guttenberg?

The myths and legends, the lies and calumny, the wishful thinking and nonsense that has cocooned the famous actor Steve Guttenberg need to be policed and for this, we go to the Truth Academy, where the Studio Exec will let you know how it went down and why.

One. He’s still alive.

Two. Steve is a classically trained actor, attending the prestigious Julliard school and studying under John Houseman, before going to California and appearing in Police Academy.

Three. When filming Cocoon, Steve played a trick on the director Ron Howard by giving what he described as ‘the flattest performance I could manage, just completely wooden.’ Unfortunately, Ron didn’t notice and the performance stayed in the picture.

Four. While filming Three Men and a Baby, the story of three confirmed bachelors who are lumbered with a baby who accidentally also happens to have a kilo of cocaine in her diapers, Steve and co-stars Ted Danson and Tom Selleck insisted on taking huge quantities of cocaine ‘to be true to the spirit of the film’.

Five. As well as being a talented actor, Steve is also a trained assassin. His long absence from the screen in the nineties was due to a series of jobs he undertook for a Colombian drug syndicate  ‘I had to take up the slack after Selleck backed out,’ he said of those years. ‘It was fun. I traveled and met some swell people.’

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

DON JOHNSON AND STEVE GUTTENBERG CONFIRM POLICE ACADEMY: ASSIGNMENT MIAMI VICE

MIAMI – Don Johnson and Steve Guttenberg are to team up for the best mash up movie of the 80s EVER: Police Academy: Assignment Miami Vice.

Director, Alan Parker, said that the film will partly be a remake of Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach ‘but as we had Don interested we changed the script so we could bring in his character of Detective James Crockett.’
A short synopsis issued by the studio reads:

When Officer Carey Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg), now a teacher at the famous Police Academy takes his rambunctious and hilarious misfit students on a field trip to Miami, he was hoping for a week of bikini clad fun, but instead he ended up gatecrashing Detective Crockett’s (TV’s Don Johnson) toughest assignment yet. And when a bunch of Chinese  North Korean terrorists kidnap Crockett it is up to Mahoney and the gang of surprisingly old students to rescue him and foil a plot to blow up something inexpensive.

Johnson said he was delighted to be working with the director of Midnight Express on such potentially award worthy material and Gu
ttenberg said he was delighted to be working. Guttenberg expanded:


When I first heard about the project I thought oh no. Because I had turned down the original Miami Police Academy movie thinking basically I’d done four and it was time to get into some serious acting. Little did I know of the wasteland that my career was to become.   

Parker revealed also that he wanted Philip Michael Thomas to return as Tubbs, Crockett’s erstwhile partner, but the actor turned down the role citing scheduling problems with his infomercial commitments. 

Police Academy: Assignment Miami Vice will be released in 2017.

DESERT ISLAND POLICE ACADEMY: ANNA KENDRICK

HOLLYWOOD – Continuing our popular series, Desert Island Police Academy in which we ask celebrities which Police Academy they’d take to a Desert Island.

This week, Into the Woods and Pitch Perfect star Anna Kendrick chooses her Desert Island Police Academy.

So Anna Kendrick what’s it going to be?

I know this is controversial but I am going with the final film in the franchise, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow.

What the…?

I know, I know. It’s not the one you were expecting right, but for me it is the most interesting.

Why on God’s green earth…?

Well, I tihnk that they had fully realized the characters. They were able to build on the characters from the first films and Michael Winslow is particularly good. Without Guttenberg, many will feel his absence, but at this stage Guttenberg was almost too big. A mammoth comic talent that no film cvould contain, which is probably why he selflessly chose to appear in less and less work from thgis point on. Also we have Ron Perlman as the Russian heavy and Christopher Lee as the head of the Russian police. You have to remember also the political significance. Filmed in 1993, this was the first American comedy to be filmed in the former Soviet Union and went some way to dissolving tensions between the two former superpowers and adversaries. It was also a huge commercial hit, making almost $127,000.

Wow, that’s not much.

Isn’t it? Well, who cares? You can’t put a price on comedy genius and Police Academy Mission to Moscow is just that.

For more Desert Island Police Academy click here.

DESERT ISLAND POLICE ACADEMY: SCARLETT JOHANSSON

HOLLYWOOD – Continuing our popular series, Desert Island Police Academy in which we ask celebrities which Police Academy they’d take with them if they were stranded on a Desert Island.

This week Her, We Bought a Zoo and Under the Skin actor, Scarlett Johansson.

So Scarlett, which Police Academy movie would you take with you on your desert island?

I think it would have to be the very first. The concept is fresh, Steve Guttenberg gives the performance of his career and the whole ensemble feels genuinely at ease with each other. The comedy comes thick and fast, as in the best Airplane tradition, but the characters are also there and you genuinely learn to care about them. This is a comedy with a heart of gold.

Great. Thank you very much.

But…

What?

On this desert island what kind of facilities are there for watching discs? And are we talking Blu-Ray or DVD?

We thought we’d go old school with a VHS player and a cassette. 

So there’ll be a TV set.

Yes. 

And presumably a power supply?

Absolutely.

Powered how?

Solar panels.

Nice. Will there be other films to watch?

No. 

Just the first Police Academy?

Yes. 

Okay good.

Wow. 

What?

It’s true then. 

What’s true?

You really are using 100% of the potential of your brain. 

I had to learn to use 100% in order to be utterly convincing as Lucy in the Luc Besson film Lucy.

You’re the best. 

I know.

For more Desert Island Police Academy click here.

 

DESERT ISLAND POLICE ACADEMY: NICK NOLTE

HOLLYWOOD – Introducing a new feature in which the Studio Exec asks top Hollywood celebrities what Police Academy film they would take with them if they were stranded on a desert island.

This week’s guest is  48 Hours and Prince of Tides actor, Nick Nolte.

So Nick, which Police Academy film would you take with you onto a desert island?

Well, Exec, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about just this. Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment is for me the top of the whole Academy series.

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What makes you say that?

I think with any comedy series, the first film is fresh and vibrant but at the same time there’s a mad clumsiness to the doings. It’s only with the second film that things truly settle and begin to make sense. You can see this happen with Godfather Part Two and the Ghostbusters films. For their second outing, the stars Steve Guttenberg, David Graff and Marion Ramsey have really found their rhythm. They know and fully inhabit their characters. The jokes are more mature and the move out of the academy gives the film wider social relevance.

What else do you like about the film?

Well, if there is one overwhelming argument for my Police Academy desert island choice it has to be the presence of the legendary Bobcat Goldthwaite, who appears for the first time as Zed, the leader of the street gang the Scullions. He lights up the screen, a truly original comic performer. He gives the other academy stalwarts a run for their money and provides the audience with an unforgettable comedy villain.

Police Academy Desert Island will continue next week.

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 5

HOLLYWOOD – Sir Edwin Fluffer returns with his final installment of his 2014 yearbook.

Nov 1st I don’t know how he did it, but Kirk’s managed to get Mike Nichols to direct Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? To be honest I think he mentioned my name and called in a favor: Mike still owes me one after I let him use one of my legs on the poster for The Graduate. The look on Dustin Hoffman’s face still haunts me.

Nov 7th Just seen my dear old pal Michael Caine in Interstellar. I think that he agreed with me, the story really lacked something. From the opening scene you could tell exactly what was going to happen. I passed on the script when they said I couldn’t wear a pair of funny ears like Mr Spock in Star Trek, but that sort of thing always goes down so well in sci-fi.

Nov 19th Mike Nichols has died. I still remember when he fired me from The Birdcage for being too over the top! In the end he got darling Robin Williams to play it instead, and although I always enjoyed the subtlety he brought to the part it was a wasted opportunity really. I offered him the use of my giant chicken costume, but he was determined to manage without it.

Dec 1st Debbie Reynolds called. Apparently it says on the Internet that Kirk Douglas is dead! Apparently he was Spartacus and I never even knew. You would’ve thought he’d have mentioned it.

Dec 4th Got on the wrong bus and missed the photo call for this new Bond film I’m doing. I’ll be playing W, the Head of Health and Safety at MI7. Young Danny Craig’s got the lead again and Sammy Mendes is directing. They’ve dropped Dame Judi from this one: apparently they asked her to tone down the language on set and she didn’t take it very well.

Dec 17th Kirk Douglas phoned! It turns out he’s not dead after all! He just nodded off in front of Big Bang Theory and some idiot published his obituary by mistake. He had some bad news though: we’ve both been dropped from the Baby Jane remake. Apparently they’re going to shoot it with a couple of chaps called The Minions instead. It’s a shame really. After two Academy Awards, three knighthoods and counting I thought it would be a nice final curtain, but I may as well carry on for a bit longer. And let’s be honest, I need the money. The script for Police Academy: Next Generation arrived this morning, I’ll have a flick through that later…

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

NATIONAL STEVE GUTTENBERG DAY

HOLLYWOOD – The 22nd of December sees the nationwide celebration of National Steve Guttenberg Day and street parties are planned all across the US.

The Winter solstice is usually famous for inspiring John Donne poems and making everyone feel chilly, but since 1982 National Steve Guttenberg Day has shone like a beacon of hope in the National calendar, proving that even after the longest and darkest and coldest day, hope will be born anew. Celebrations are due to begin in Times Square, New York where a massive inflatable Guttenberg has been blown up by a team of volunteers. Ice sculptures of the Gutt have drawn visitors from far and wide to Fargo, North Dakota.  And later today a tiny army of microscopic Guttenbergs, who have been genetically engineered, are going to be released onto Christmas shoppers to the delight of the terrified children.

Organiser Ben Kingsley spoke to the Studio Exec:

Our aim is to raise awareness of Steve Guttenberg wherever and however we can. He was an inspiration to a whole generation of actors. You watch There Will Be Blood and ask yourself, ‘could Daniel Day Lewis have done that without Steve’s example in Three Men and a Little Lady?’ No, of course he couldn’t. Where would he have got the nerve? The technical skill.

Of course the highlight of Steve Guttenberg Day will climax with a massive firework display in San Diego, California, where Guttenberg hinself is expected to attend and where – as is traditional – he will be murdered by his own doppelgänger in a weird Golden Bough style ceremony.

For more Steve Guttenberg news CLICK HERE.

NORTH KOREA NATIONAL DEFENCE COMMISSION STATEMENT IN FULL

HOLLYWOOD – The North Korean National Defence Commission issued a statement in response to President Obama and the FBI’s contention that they sponsored the Sony hack.

This is the statement in full:

Strange thing that happened in the heart of the U.S., the ill-famed cesspool of injustice, is now afloat in the world as shocking news. Sony the biggest producer of film and movie things has been hacked by the righteous opponents of Terrorist film, The Interview. President Obama is doing things, pulling off people who had nothing to with it and Mike Myers the Austin Powers man who plays his own nemesis was on SNL, proving once more that the funny things that come out from the front of his face are not as funny as he thought they were when he sat on his own in a room and thought about funny face front spewings. The US have sunk in their quagmire.

All of this came about because James Franco and Seth Rogen made a filmogram which viciously and evilly attacked the supreme leader of a sovereign nation – we’re talking Kim Jong-un here in case you were thinking, ‘what?’ First off, Pineapple Express was totally awesome and the DPRK would be totally blissful if they were to make a sequel of the stoner comedy highlight entertainment. But, no. Instead, they use their powers for comedy good, for political evil and make The Interview. We know for a fact that President Barack Obama directed the film in person, and even had his own chair with ‘Director – Barack Obama’ written on the back, for reals. This film includes a very funny scene of Seth Rogen sticking something up his posterior seat. If only Mr. Rogen had stuck up more things up his posterior seat and spent less time trying to make the commentary on the politics he knows nothing about.

Fortunately, film distributors in all the US states including Canada, which is the biggest US state, have banned the film, because they didn’t think it was any good. Likewise Sony have withdrawn it and this is all because of the work of The Guardians of the Galaxy. Chris Pratt can expect a nice big pie being brought to his room along with flowers of his choosing, courtesy of North Korea and the NBA’s Dennis Rodman.

The best thing that everyone could do now is like chill and stop with the who hacked who and all that confusion and worry. We at the DPRK are willing to let the things that go by to continue to have gone by without calling them back, if Sony agree to make a new Police Academy movie starring our Supreme Leader, side-by-side with Steve Guttenberg, but Steve Guttenberg will now have to be the sidekick. Because that is only what is right. Denis Rodman can do funny noises with his mouth and Chris Pratt can be in it too.

The U.S. should reflect on its evil doings that put itself in such a trouble, apologize to the Koreans and other people of the world and should not dare pull off others.

For more on the Sony Hack READ HERE.

PARANORMAL POLICE ACADEMY ACTIVITY

HOLLYWOOD – Rumors of a Police Academy remake have been rife, but now we’ve learned that the two most successful franchises in their respective genres – Police Academy (comedy) and Paranormal Activity (horror) are to combine to make the ultimate entertainment mash up Paranormal Police Academy Activity (horror/comedy).

The ‘still alive’ actor Steve Guttenberg will star as Mahoney, a geriatric police recruit who must train with a bunch of other hopelessly aged candidates in the Police Academy, which has been put under intense video surveillance for no real reason. At first everything seems to be going okay,  as old friend Hightower (Bubba Smith) uses the time to make a film for his Community College project, despite Tackleberry’s (David Graf) best efforts to have them thrown off the program. However, there are strange noises in the night and messages are left that hint at a terrifying secret.

Director Bobcat Goldthwait who also plays Cadet Zed revealed the thinking behind the concept:

It’s very postmodern. Our characters are basically being haunted by the ghosts of their careers. They’re basically possessed by the success they had in the 80s and which they now can’t escape. Personally, I reinvented myself and went on to have a great time making films like God Bless America and The World’s Greatest Dad, but Steve… Well, he wasn’t so lucky.

However, Bobcat refused to comment about a rival project already in production and which also stars Steve Guttenberg, Police Academy: Assignment Miami Vice. The makers of Paranormal Activity attempted to comment but their words were muffled by the large amounts of money they were bathing in.

Paranormal Police Academy Activity will be released in 2016.