HOLLYWOOD – The first trailer for the Point Break remake caused waves today, then surfed those waves with CGI like style, but what do we actually know about Point Break?
We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad, wearing masks of former presidents, to heist the shit out of the Point Break FACT vault and this is our haul:
1. The original Point Break came out in 1991, was directed by Kathryn Bigelow and starred Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves and was made famous by the line ‘Nobody puts baby in the corner’, when Patrick Swayze finally gets Keanu to dance in front of his uptight parents.
2. Keanu Reeves plays Johnny Utah, but revealed in a recent interview that he has never been to Utah.
3. The script of Point Break was written by the Wachowski siblings. They later revealed that the whole film was actually a prequel to the Matrix and if you look carefully you can see several glitches which reveal the Matrix at work. The line ‘Not too bright’ apparently came from an episode that happened to Patrick Swayze while making the film, when he tried to eat a jar of gherkins with his hands tied behind his back.
4. Patrick Swayze almost died while making the film and this gave him the idea of writing and directing Ghost, in which he starred with Bruce Willis.
5. The events the film depicted were based on a true story that Gary Busey experienced while on mescaline.
For more FACTS click HERE.
HOLLYWOOD – In the early hours of this morning, Hollywood legend Gary Busey woke to find his mouth had been stolen.
The thieves had managed to enter Mr. Gary Busey’s home in Malibu via a screen door at the back of the property, disable his security system and steal the Point Break actor’s mouth without waking him or his wife. Police detectives called to the scene said that this was a highly unusual crime but Mr. Busey’s mouth was an extremely valuable collectable with some collectors willing to pay up to $3ooo dollars for the item.
Detective Stokes of the LAPD said that such body thefts were becoming increasingly regular in the Hollywood Hills:
Essentially there is a roaring trade in black market body souvenirs and the thieves have become incredible sophisticated. We have reason to believe that they might be recruiting plastic surgeons who ‘know their way around’ the target’s anatomy so to speak.
The theft comes only two weeks following the theft of John Travolta’s body hair. In the 1990s Daniel Day Lewis has his left foot surgically removed as he slept but the thief was apprehended and Day Lewis’ foot was sewn back on, an adventure which led to his New York Times Bestseller My Actual Left Foot.
Detective Stokes said that they were confident of retrieving Gary Busey’s mouth and making arrests in the following 24 hours:
If it’s still in the country then I believe we will be able to track it down and retake it. I mean this is Gary Busey’s mouth. There’s no way they’re going to be able to keep it quiet.
Gary Busey was unavailable for comment, because his mouth had been stolen.
HOLLYWOOD – With originality as popular as ass cancer in Hollywood at the moment, studios have just launched a plan on how to make sure they never have to touch an original idea again: to remake remakes which are already in production.
An insider told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the industry wide plan, known by its code name ‘Double Whammy’:
There are only so many remakes available because of the quickly vanishing seam of old films that were any good. We’re also doing TV shows and toys, games and comic books and films that weren’t particularly good, naturally, but even so sometimes there’s a gap in the schedule and some bullshit like Wolf of Wall Street or 12 Years a Slave slips through.
The plan looks to double the number of films that can be remade by remaking films which are already in the process of being remade:
We got the idea from the Amazing Spider-Man series at Sony. It works like this. Private Benjamin is currently being prepped with Rebel Wilson. Well, we’re going to piggy back the production with a remake of that version but starring Kate Hudson and we’re going to put it out in a year or so after the release. Ditto Point Break. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles already has a prequel in the works.
The Blog-o-sphere has been divided by the news with the Geek-o-verse jizzing while people who like films redrafting suicide notes from 1987, before realizing the awful irony.
Private Benjamin and Point Break will be released in 2015 to be followed in 2016 by The Amazing Private Benjamin and Point Amazing Break.
Bacon and eggs, toast, waffles, grits, grapefruit juice, sleep deprivation and water-boarding.
Kathryn Bigelow invites me in. Her kitchen is full of sunlight and there is a radio on. She looks a little frazzled what with the controversy surrounding her latest film Zero Dark Thirty. ‘Do you think making these films about the military – Hurt Locker and Zero Dark Thirty – have changed you in anyway?’ I ask.
‘Sir, no sir!’ she barks.
To my surprise we continue through the kitchen and into the basement, where Kathryn shows me the way to what looks like a cell. Concrete walls and a small cot. Before I know what’s happened, Kathryn has me changed into an orange boiler suit and a bag is taped over my face.
‘Did you like the film?’ she asks. ‘What did you think of Chastain?’
‘She was great,’ I cried. ‘And Mark Strong’s accent was flawless.’
Before I knew it I was being leant backward over what felt like an ironing board. And something qwas poured over my face. I gasped for breath.
‘What about Point Break?’ she said. ‘What did you think of Swayze?’
‘He’s …’ I gasped. How could I say what I really thought? ‘He’s …’
‘A limited actor with a vague iconic presence.’
The bag is off and I’m gasping for air. She offers me a cigarette. ‘You okay?’
I nod shivering and spluttering.
‘What do you think? Does Zero Dark Thirty advocate torture?’ she asks, as she fetches coffee.
‘Well, there’s definitely an ambiguity there,’ I say. ‘What are those wires?’
When I finish bucking and jerking and the last shivers of agonizing electricity finds its way out of my body, I scream through clenched teeth, ‘You were just objectively trying to tell a story in a very difficult period in history.’
She plays it back. And then has me sign the release. And we go upstairs for waffles.
For all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE.