PLAYBOY COMES OUT

BEVERLY HILLS – Last night Playboy – the mascot behind porn’s most prestigious magazine – revealed that he was in fact gay. ‘I’ve been protesting too much,’ said the 64 year old bunny rabbit.

For years, I’ve basically tried to maintain something of an ambiguous sexuality and I would commonly tell my closest friends that I was bi-sexual, which in our circles is perfectly acceptable, but I can no longer live even a half-lie and I feel it absolutely necessary in the current political climate to be clear about my sexuality. I am gay. I am sexually attracted only to men. And everyone should know that.

Hugh Heffner – the man who has taken on the day to day running of Playboy Enterprises and a close friend of the Harvey like figure – said that he was overjoyed that his friend finally felt able to be true to himself.

It’s been a long time coming but you haven’t to understand that me and Buns are basically children of the forties. We built an empire on heterosexuality and we had to protect the brand so to speak. But I always thought we had left plenty of clues along the way. For instance the way we put bow ties on the playmates, and the fact we called them playmates. Even the rabbit ears were enlarged to suggest male rabbits and not the short-eared female.

The LGBT community reacted with enthusiasm to Playboy’s revelation and claimed to always have known, thanks to a device called a ‘gaydar’. 

AL PACINO WINS L’OREAL CONTRACT

HOLLYWOOD – Al Pacino is the new face of beauty product company L’Oréal. He will be appearing in a series of adverts in their famous ‘Because I’m worth it’ campaign. Previous luminaries include Patrick Dempsey, Gerard Butler and Hugh Laurie (?), as well as some girls.

Pacino said he was delighted to receive lots of money and not have to do much:

I’ve always loved the theater and making films is good as well, but I never truly saw myself as a model. It’s ridiculous. Who am I? I was never comfortable as a sex symbol. But now I’m stripping off for playboy and showing Mister Bojangles to the world. And now L’Oréal want to put my mush on their shampoo advert? Why the hell not!

How Much do you think your recent appearance in the HBO TV movie Phil Spector influenced the French cosmetic giant?

Oh without a doubt. And I have to say this is all David [Mamet]’s doing. When I turned up and he showed me the various wigs, I was like woah, David. What the fuck! But then he explained that Phil Spector’s dream was to one with the music and what is more one with the music than the microphone, ergo he wanted to become a microphone and that’s what the hair was for. And I was there, dumbass that I am, thinking it just made me look like a complete asshole.

For more on Al Pacino’s Playboy photo shoot  CLICK HERE.

AL PACINO TO POSE NUDE FOR PLAYBOY

It has been confirmed this morning that legendary actor Al Pacino is to pose nude for the summer edition of popular skin magazine Playboy.

Pacino’s agent Rita Block filled us in on the details.


Al did the photo session yesterday. It’s a 10 page spread that will feature him recreating some of his most famous roles. For example there’s the tango scene in Scent of a Woman, the restaurant shooting scene from The Godfather and the 8-ball Pool scene from Carlito’s Way.”

It was rumoured that Pacino would be heavily photoshopped but Block insisted no images will be altered.

Al wants them to be as natural as possible. He’s a 72 year old man and it would look silly if they airbrushed him. In fact his exact words to me were “I want the world to know exactly what an old man’s cock looks like.”

Block also revealed another famous actor has also gone nude for one of the photographs.

Let’s just say that epic scene in Heat will be even more epic!

We asked Playboy owner Hugh Hefner why he wanted Pacino in Playboy and his reply was somewhat puzzling.

He just turned up to the house one day when we were doing a shoot with Pam Anderson. He shouted at everyone, took his clothes off and demanded the photographer take pictures of him. I think he might have been drunk but I didn’t want to say anything in case he hit me.

Hefner went on to say that although his hand was forced, he’s quite happy with the results.

Al looks buff for an old timer. Though I can only speculate what our predominately male followers will think when they open up Playboy and see Pacino naked firing an AK-47 in the Scarface parody.