MICKEY MOUSE’S COPYRIGHT EXPIRES

BREAKING NEWS – In two years, Mickey Mouse’s copyright expires, leaving him either a free agent or homeless vermin vagabond. Will he sign up with another production company and start a new phase of his career? Or will he wander the streets in a drug and alcohol fueled haze, turning tricks for nickels and dimes. The Studio Exec examines where next for Mickey.

Mickey Mouse’s Copyright Expires

He’s always been there. From Steamboat Mickey, to the children’s cartoon favorite Wizard’s apprentice, he’s thrilled family audiences everywhere. Even today, he makes kids smile as the silent looming figure, wandering around Disneyland that your middle child kicks as hard as they can. Bless them. But as his copyright runs out, the ink on his long term Disney contract finally fades to nothing.

Who Gives A Shit? Ho-Ho!

Other than a pair of ears that act as a global conglomerate’s logo or a silhouette to spot as an Easter Egg in the background of yet another excruciating Pixar movie, who cares about Mickey? Could he turn up in The Mandalorian Season 3 as MM-HO-HO? The wisecracking mouse-like droid, that kids and adult children alike will pay through the ass to own plastic replicas of in their bedrooms and parent’s basements respectively.

Another Netflix Special?

Will Mickey come to the aid of another streaming service that could do with a boost, Netflix? If so, would it be in the form of a comedy special? He could join the ranks of so-say comedians Dave Chappelle and Ricky Gervais by taking cheap shots at trans communities. Or he could team up with Dolph Lundgren in a buddy action flick with lots of fourth wall breaking and meta-commentary. No-one has ever done that before.

What About Minnie, Goofy and Donald?

And what about his leading lady and supporting cast? Are they destined to forever do the convention circuits, first with a sense of irony, which inevitably leads to their only source of income? Signing shirt after shirt, praying for the call from Disney that they’re ‘getting the band back together’? Children no-longer care about these forgotten stars.

So Long Mickey

Kids leave the teat of Cocomelon and move straight on to the bottle of Teen Titans before being dumped into the lap of Marvel or Star Wars. And for many of them, that is where their cultural growth ends. Because, let’s face it, when the fan world of Harry Potter has become too toxic a place to hang out, Mickey may as well get back on that steamboat and throw himself under the paddles. Full steam ahead Walt, Ho-Ho!

Mickey Mouse’s Copyright Expires In Two Years

HARD TO BE A GOD REMAKE IN THE WORKS AT PIXAR

HOLLYWOOD – The 2013 Russian science fiction movie Hard to Be a God is going to get an English language remake by none other than Pixar.

Aleksy German’s Hard to Be a God – an adaptation of Boris Strugatsky’s novel – has taken almost 50 years to make. It took six years to film and then German died in 2013 while still trying to complete it, leaving his son the task to complete the sound mix and release the film. The synopsis reads:

A group of scientists are sent to the planet Arkanar to help the local civilization, which is in the Medieval phase of its own history, to find the right path to progress. Their task is a difficult one: they cannot interfere violently and in no case can they kill. The scientist Rumata tries to save the local intellectuals from their punishment and cannot avoid taking a position. As if the question were: what would you do in God’s place?

The film is a three hour epic dripping in mud and stink. Pixar are looking to make it into an animated movie. A source close tot he studio told the Studio Exec:

The original is amazing, but we can’t remake it in that way. We are looking to make stuff that isn’t necessarily for children and this will be our first film. But we are going to cut down on the people taking shits scenes. Lewis Black is going to do the voice of Rumata and Billy Eichner is already signed on,along with Reese Witherspoon.

Hard to Be a God is out in 2020.

EDNA MODE TO GET HER OWN FILM

HOLLYWOOD – Brad Bird confirmed today that a spin off movie from The Incredibles will tell the origin story of popular pint sized fashion designer Edna Mode.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec Bird revealed that along with the long-awaited sequel The Incredibles 2 a spin off prequel – provisionally entitled No Capes! – is also in the pipes.

When I was writing The Incredibles of course you have loads of spare ideas and of those ideas Edna Mode was by far the biggest recipient. I was fascinated by her double life of a high end fashion designer, internationally renowned, and a supplier for superheroes.  She is just one of those characters with such a clear voice, she writes her own dialogue.

What’s the story?

Edna is a a young fashion student in Milan, whose best friend Gertie (alias La Dolce) turns out to be a superhero. They have adventures defending the world from Lachrymosa – a rival designer/super villain – while at the same time Edna must prepare her first ever show.  We’re working on the script now. I think the priority will be The Incredibles 2, but I would expect that Edna won’t be waiting long for her bow.

Edna Mode was one of the most popular characters of the original The Incredibles which was released in 2004 and was seen as one of the most accomplished Pixar movies. Pixar could really do with a hit following a series of uninspired sequels and the animation studio will be hoping that Edna can help to create something that is truly fabulous dahling.

No Capes! will be released in 2020.

DISNEY BUY CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER

HOLLYWOOD – In a deal worth $78 billion, media giants Disney have just bought Canadian actor Christopher Plummer.

Following the purchase of Star Wars, Marvel, Pixar and now Fox, the Disney Company have just announced a $78 billion dollar deal to buy Sound of Music star Christopher Plummer. Media Analyst Dunque Screens told the Studio Exec:

This is a great deal for Disney. It looks like a lot of money but what Disney are getting is not just Mr. Plummer’s extensive back catalogue and his film work and TV work, they’re also getting the rights to whoever Mr. Plummer replaces in the next few years. And looking at the pace of the scandals currently sweeping Hollywood and the entertainment industry generally that could mean extensive acquisitions.

However, critics of the deal point to this widespread application of Christopher Plummer as a problem. Marquis Martinique underlined this danger:

When Disney got Marvel, they got Iron Man, Avengers and all those properties. With Star Wars, they get the films, but also the characters and the universe. And with Fox they get the Simpsons and the X-Men. Now, with Plummer, they get Kevin Spacey, Bryan Singer, Brett Ratner, Def Jam records, Matt Lauer, the documentaries of Morgan Sporlock and the entire back catalogue of Woody Allen and Roman Polanski as well as the Cosby Show.

The Monopolies and Mergers Commission will inspect the sale closely.

Image courtesy of @thePixelFactor. Follow him on twitter here.

HIDDEN GEMS: 18. BAMBI

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week Bambi. You’re welcome.

Of course we all know that cartoons can’t be films. Not really. Those assholes at Pixar have tried to convince us otherwise. But we all know. That thing with Tom Hanks’ voice isn’t really. Ity’s just a picture. And so it goes. Before Pixar there was a studio called Disney started by Walt Disney, a guy famous for being not too keen on the Jews. But when he wasn’t not liking the Jews he was also busy drawing pictures of shit. One day he’d been trying to draw a mouse but kept fucking up the hand, not getting the right number of fingers. He knocked the whole pile off the desk and as they fell to the floor he noticed that the different pictures fluttering in sequence looked like motion. ‘Money!’ he shouted.

Bambi was one of his first movies and nobody has ever seen, but it is really worth hunting down. Oh, shit that’s actually not appropriate given…

So, Bambi tells the story of a deer, like the animal, growing up in the forest. His friendships with the other animals, evading the dangers of fire and hunters, dealing with parental death and it’s for kids. I know a cartoon about animals. No wonder it flopped. The film is beautiful to look at and really moving. Years later Michael Cimino was to remake it but from the perspective of the hunters. His film was a disaster because he tacked on a load of stuff about the Vietnam War. Disney disowned it in the end.

So Bambi. Give it a chance. Not bad.

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

MARY POPPINS RETURNS: PEOPLE STILL SHOCKED THAT DISNEY MAKE SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – In news that totally blindsided the internet yesterday it was announced that beloved Disney classic Mary Poppins would have a sequel, provisionally entitled Mary Poppins Returns.

It came out of a blue sky, a missile with an umbrella and a big bag full of an unbelievable amount of consternation. Mary Poppins Returns is actually going to happen and people lost their shit! Across Social Media the keening sound that Arab women make when mourning could be heard echoing across old London town. ‘It’s unbelievable,’ one irate blogger wrote.

How can Disney do this? Everyone knows that Mary Poppins is a unique story beloved of generations. Why ruin everything with an unnecessary, money grabbing sequel?

The shock was felt all the more keenly because Disney have never done such a thing in the past. Of course, there has been Aladdin 2: Jafar’s Revenge, Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride, The Rescuers Down Under, The Lion King 1 and a half, The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea, Bambi 2, Tarzan and Jane, Pocahontas 2: Journey to the New World,  The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2, Cinderella 2 and 3, 101 Dalmatians 2: Patch’s London Adventure, The Fox and the Hound 2, Kronk’s New Groove and so on. And that’s not to mention the Pixar sequels and Star Wars: the Force Awakens and so on and so forth. And it can’t be done well obviously as was proven by the recent live action remake of The Jungle Book which was critically lambasted oops sorry lauded. Of course, what really hurts is that this is taking a property from the writer PL Travers (played by Emma Thompson) that was unique and special and one of a kind. Along with the other seven books that she wrote in the series!

Emily Blunt will play Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins Returns will be released in December, 2018.

 

INSIDE OUT 2: THE BIPOLAR YEARS GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Inside Out 2: The Bipolar Years will take the Pixar movie into early adulthood.

The first Inside Out was widely touted as a return to form for Pixar Disney, but the sequel will look to explore darker issues in Inside Out 2: The Bipolar Years.  The official synopsis reads:

Riley is in her mid-twenties and trying to make her way in the world as an intern. She has a boyfriend who she feels is cheating on her and has self-esteem issues which lead to a variety of self-destructive behaviors that are only momentarily calmed by the onset of crushingly dangerous depths of depression.

Peter Docter spoke to us EXCLUSIVELY about the new film.

The first film was very much Joy’s movie, voiced by the marvelous Amy Poehler, as she did her best to come to terms with the nuanced complexities of a child’s inner world. This time round the emotions are much more confused with Joy, Fear (Bill Hader), Anger (Lewis Black)  and Sadness (Phyllis Smith)  being joined by Self-Loathing, Creeping Anxiety and Existential Dread. As we witnessed Riley go from child to girl so we watch young woman turn into wreck.

Wow. That’s not as life-affirming as the original, is it?

Yes and no. But mostly no. We knew that Riley felt like a real person to us and audiences, and we wanted to see her grow up. We watched all the Bridget Jones movies and that was the fountain we kept coming back to for more. Oh and she ends up going to the North Pole and Antarctica, so we address that too.

Inside Out 2: the Bipolar Years will be released in 2018.

WORLD BEGS HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS TO MAKE MORE MOVIES ABOUT CHEFS

HOLLYWOOD – The entire world has issued a plea to all the major Hollywood studios to please make more movies about chefs.

The plea came with tension in the Middle East rising, a refugee crisis heading into winter and fears of terrorism reaching epidemic proportions with a subsequent rise in racist attacks. The whole world joined together and for once forgot its differences as everybody shouted in one voice: ‘More films about chefs please, Hollywood!’ The Secretary General of the UN Ban Ki-moon addressing the General Assembly said:

In this time of crisis what the world needs is some more dramatic comedies – dramedies if you will – about top flight chefs who are a bit arrogant and lose sight of what they do but are also artists when it comes down to it and come up trumps at the end, reconciling with a son or daughter or someone.

Despite tensions between Russia and Turkey President Vladimir Putin and Tayyip Erdogan issued a joint statement to all studios to make something else ‘like Jon Favreau’s Chef, which was a delight.’

Bradley Cooper responded instantly to the crisis, rolling up his sleeves and offering to do a sequel to Burnt. He spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY in the special Studio Exec kitchens:

I think in this time when so many people are losing their lives, over four million people have been displaced by the Syrian civil war alone, what everyone really wants to see is an acerbic but charismatic perfectionist, a temperamental genius who has gone to the wall because of drugs and alcohol or just arrogance and then comes back and redeems himself by cooking really nice food for a bunch of rich bastards. I think that is what the children who are dying under the bombs would really want us to be doing.

President Obama has told Congress that he wants a bill on his desk by Monday morning that will force the studios to begin making a minimum of six films about chefs every calendar year. But Universal has already announce a remake of 2007 Catherine Zeta Jones comedy No Reservations and Pixar are in talks to do a sequel to Ratatouille.

Burnt is currently in theatres.

INSIDE OUT: REVIEW

INSIDE OUT – REVIEW: New Pixar movie takes us into the inner space for a sophisticated and smart comedy, Inside Out.

‘What is going on that little head of yours?’ parents often ask of their weird little biology projects otherwise known as children. And who’s to say? Well, apparently Pixar. Having given us the secret life of toys in Toy Story; the secret life of monsters in Monsters Inc. and the secret life of Cars… well never mind, now it’s the turn of little sprogs in what is essentially a remake of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Too Afraid to Ask).

We begin with the birth of Riley and almost immediately her head is populated by Joy (Amy Poehler), soon joined by Sadness (Phyllis Smith), and then Anger (Lewis Black), Fear (Bill Hader) and Disgust (Mindy Kaling). With these emotions bustling to get their hands on the controls of the mission control of Riley’s head, Joy is at first the proactive dictator, but as Riley grows and she and her parents move house, Riley and her emotions need to deal with a whole new environment and series of challenges. Directors Pete Docter and Ronaldo Del Carmen have given Pixar the makings of a hit to repair some of the damage done by a generally uninspiring run of sequels and the so-so Brave. There are some great laugh out loud moments, along with some genuine pathos – and though I have some problem with the inside of our heads basically looking like something Apple and Disney cooked up – in the end this is quality children’s entertainment that won’t go over their heads.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

PIXAR TO REMAKE LOVE

CANNES – In news that rocked the Croisette John Lasseter announced that Pixar is set to remake Gaspar Noe’s 3D porn film Love.

The Toy Story director spoke EXCLUSIVELY to George Miller, who told close friend the Studio Exec:

Love is one of those films that as soon as you see it you know there has to be an English language remake.

But Love is in English.

It is? Really? I didn’t notice. Okay, but still what I meant to say was an animated version. This will be the first time Pixar takes an existing property and turns it into a film. So we’re very excited.

But isn’t this a departure for Pixar?

Not at all actually. You see we’re tired of making films which appeal to children and adults alike. We have made some films – Cars 2 for instance – which appealed to no one at all. But now we want to make our first adult film and Gaspar Noe’s Love seems like the perfect fit.

How so?

We initially were thinking of making a sequel to Inside Out, taking the story into adulthood, but obviously that means that we would be dealing with some issues that we don’t normally deal with. Sex for instance. So when we saw Love I slapped my forehead and cried out ‘This is the sequel to Inside Out.’

Pixar’s Love will be released in 2017.

TOY STORY 4 TO MERGE WITH THE LEGO MOVIE 2

HOLLYWOOD – The long awaited sequel Toy Story 4 will also be The Lego Movie 2, Pixar Animation Studios announced today.

John Lasseter, who will co-direct the film, spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re working on the script, but right from the get go we realized that the Toy Story universe and the Lego Movie universe are essentially the same universe, so we want to incorporate the two and make one huge toy universe in which almost anything can happen. At first everyone thought I was crazy, but I had just one word: merchandizing.

So what’s the story?

Story? Oh yeah, story. Well basically, Emmet Brickowski (Chris Pratt) has decided to take a holiday in Old West Land where he meets the Lego version of Woody (Tom Hanks). The two become friends but Woody gets hit on the head and suddenly remembers that there is a whole world out there with Andy and Buzz Lightyear and his friends. The world they’re living in is a construct. A kind of Maatrix based on capitalistic exploitation of childhood imagination.

Heavy.

Absolutely. We’ve all been reading Thomas Piketty and the guy has a point. In fact we brought him in to do a rewrite. Anyway, Woody – with Emmet’s help escapse Old West Land and goes to Sci-Fi Planet where he meets up with Lego Buzz and Batman, who are best buddies.  They all journey through a series of worlds until finally they make it to the real world where they discover that Andy has grown up and is now a middle aged man. He is [SPOILER] President Business (Will Ferrell).

Post modern.

I know. That’s basically Miller and Lord and Piketty. President Business is merging everything into bigger and bigger conglomerates, stifling originality and turning out an endless repetition of instant nostalgia to keep us all in a state of suspended immaturity. Essentially, he’s Disney.

Hey, but you’re Disney?

I know. This is going to be the most honest self evaluation since Saint Augustine.

Jesus.

No, I said Saint Augustine.

The Toy Lego Story Movie 6 will be out in the Summer.

 

TOY STORY 4 WILL BE LIVE ACTION

HOLLYWOOD – John Lasseter announced yesterday that Toy Story 4, the unwanted sequel to the perfect Toy Story trilogy will be Pixar’s first live action film.

Lasseter spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We are very excited in doing new things at Pixar. A few years ago we wouldn’t have even contemplated doing sequels, with the exception of Toy Story, now it seems like we do nothing but. Anyhoo, in the spirit of wanting to do stuff we’ve never done before I thought: what if we did a live action film?

Will it be the same cast?

Yeah, I mean no. Not really. The idea is that Woody and Buzz are really old now. So I thought we could have Clint Eastwood play Woody and George Clooney could play Buzz Lightyear. After all, he’s got the suit from Gravity already and his voice is exactly the same as Tim Allen’s and let’s face it Tim’s not so easy on the eye. I mean Home Improvement? He could do with some face improvement! Ha ha ha ha. No, that’s not really funny.

What do you say about the reaction many people have had?

That they think Toy Story 4 is a great idea?

Uhm. No. That they think you’re tinkering with perfection.

Oh. Yeah. Well, that’s why I’m doing it.

Come again?

I have been studying the Navajo culture. And they have an idea that really struck me. The idea is that if something is perfect it takes part of your soul. So you have to make sure that anything you create isn’t perfect. There has to be inbuilt imperfection. Well, Toy Story and Toy Story 2 and 3 are kind of perfect. And the funny thing is, I feel like my soul has been going. I don’t understand. Ever since I started working for Disney. It’s like it’s being chipped away from inside. So I’m going to make the trilogy an imperfect quadrology.

That’s crazy.

Is it? Francis Ford Coppola’s soul shrank and shrank. Then he made Godfather Part III and boom! You should see the size of his soul now. It’s boggling.

Toy Story 4 will be released in 2017.

CLOONEY TO STAR IN AND DIRECT LIVE ACTION TOY STORY

HOLLYWOOD – Following the upcoming unmitigated disaster of his ‘comedy’ The Monuments Men, undeterred George Clooney has signed on to direct and star in another comedy: a live action version of Pixar classic Toy Story.

The Leatherheads director told Studio Exec he was psyched for the role:

I think in a sense I’ve already played Buzz Lightyear in Gravity and so in a way my career has been leading up to this. There’s something of Ulysses [Everett McGill from O Brother Where Art Thou?] in Buzz’s self-deception. And although no one noticed at the time, I was totally riffing off of Tim Allen’s performance in Solaris

The part of the cowboy Woody remains uncast, although it is confirmed that Tom Hanks has ruled himself out of the role. Clooney was philosophical:

Ideally, Tom would have been great, but he feels he’s done it. Then I thought of Woody Allen or Woody Harrelson, even Rachel Evans Wood but with those choices I think I was just fixating on the name. I suppose my dream actor would be Ryan Reynolds. His acting just cries out Woody, but he’s so in demand right now it would be hard to get him. Not for his acting, by the way but for this pool cleaning service he runs. 

Toy Story: The Motion Picture will be released in 2015.  

PIXAR BUY RIGHTS TO TOXIC AVENGER

SAN FRANCISCO – Animation studio Pixar have secured the rights to the 1984 Troma movie The Toxic Avenger, along with possible sequel rights.

According to in-house sources, the studio was disappointed with the critical reception of its last two films Cars 2 and The Brave and felt that a radical change of direction was necessary.

John Lasseter took a giant shit on Cars 2 and now he feels he needs to come up with something that is going to reclaim the studio’s reputation for quality,’ says Dwight, an animator who does mostly hands. ‘Then The Brave came out and everyone’s like this is just Disneyed the fuck up so we went across the street to Eli Roth and asked him about who had the rights to Hostel. He turned us down with some bullshit, so next stop Troma.’

Troma have already been looking to remake some of their movies as PG 13 entertainment pieces with ladled on nostalgia value. Lloyd Kaufman said that Troma were delighted to be collaborating with the famed and Oscar winning team that brought Toy Story to the screen.

Usually Pixar make films that are ostensibly for kids but which adults can also enjoy, but this time they’ll make kids which are definitely for adults but which we know kids will somehow get to see and enjoy. Whatever happens it has to be better than Cars 2 which neither kids nor adults enjoyed.

The Toxic Avenger is in the early stages of production and the release date is yet to be scheduled.