HOLLYWOOD – The North Korean National Defence Commission issued a statement in response to President Obama and the FBI’s contention that they sponsored the Sony hack.
This is the statement in full:
Strange thing that happened in the heart of the U.S., the ill-famed cesspool of injustice, is now afloat in the world as shocking news. Sony the biggest producer of film and movie things has been hacked by the righteous opponents of Terrorist film, The Interview. President Obama is doing things, pulling off people who had nothing to with it and Mike Myers the Austin Powers man who plays his own nemesis was on SNL, proving once more that the funny things that come out from the front of his face are not as funny as he thought they were when he sat on his own in a room and thought about funny face front spewings. The US have sunk in their quagmire.
All of this came about because James Franco and Seth Rogen made a filmogram which viciously and evilly attacked the supreme leader of a sovereign nation – we’re talking Kim Jong-un here in case you were thinking, ‘what?’ First off, Pineapple Express was totally awesome and the DPRK would be totally blissful if they were to make a sequel of the stoner comedy highlight entertainment. But, no. Instead, they use their powers for comedy good, for political evil and make The Interview. We know for a fact that President Barack Obama directed the film in person, and even had his own chair with ‘Director – Barack Obama’ written on the back, for reals. This film includes a very funny scene of Seth Rogen sticking something up his posterior seat. If only Mr. Rogen had stuck up more things up his posterior seat and spent less time trying to make the commentary on the politics he knows nothing about.
Fortunately, film distributors in all the US states including Canada, which is the biggest US state, have banned the film, because they didn’t think it was any good. Likewise Sony have withdrawn it and this is all because of the work of The Guardians of the Galaxy. Chris Pratt can expect a nice big pie being brought to his room along with flowers of his choosing, courtesy of North Korea and the NBA’s Dennis Rodman.
The best thing that everyone could do now is like chill and stop with the who hacked who and all that confusion and worry. We at the DPRK are willing to let the things that go by to continue to have gone by without calling them back, if Sony agree to make a new Police Academy movie starring our Supreme Leader, side-by-side with Steve Guttenberg, but Steve Guttenberg will now have to be the sidekick. Because that is only what is right. Denis Rodman can do funny noises with his mouth and Chris Pratt can be in it too.
The U.S. should reflect on its evil doings that put itself in such a trouble, apologize to the Koreans and other people of the world and should not dare pull off others.
For more on the Sony Hack READ HERE.