KIM KARDASHIAN AND BETTE MIDLER CELEBRATE INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY BY BITCHING ABOUT BULLSHIT

HOLLYWOOD – Kim Kardashian and Bette Midler have chosen to celebrate International Women’s Day by bitching about bullshit, it was revealed.

First Kim Kardashian posted a picture of herself wearing nothing but oblong strips of blackness, presumably in honor of Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 science fiction epic 2001 a Space Odyssey. Then Bette Midler pointed out that Kim’s over-exposure meant that the only part of her anatomy we haven’t seen would have to be an internal organ. Then things got nasty and dull at almost exactly the same time. Then more nudity. And to top it off Piers Morgan got involved because Piers Morgan.

International Women’s Day was originally called International Working Women’s Day and dates back to the turn of the century New York when the earliest demonstration was called specifically to celebrate the role women had taken in the fight against sex discrimination and for workers’ rights. It is today used as an opportunity to remember the women who have fought for freedom and equality, often at great personal sacrifice and against hostile and often violent regimes. We also use the day to appreciate the struggle that continues today globally against domestic violence as well as campaigns for equal pay and equal human rights and to spotlight regimes and countries in which women are still treated like second class citizens.

Kim Kardashian will be famous for the rest of our lives regardless of anything we say or do.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JAMES CORDEN SLAMS MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE ROGUE NATION PUNCTUATION FAIL

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise’s new movie Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation has just received a new trailer, but new TV host James Corden took the poster to task for ‘lame punctuation’.

James Corden, who wrote the book Eats Shoots and Leaves, used the press conference about his new role as presenter of The Late Late Show to attack Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation:

Mission: Impossible has given us high octane adventure again and again, with likeable Scientologist Tom Cruise. It’s an American James Bond but not as good as James Bond, obviously. But when I saw the new trailer for the fifth instalment, I’m not ashamed to say I was so angry I had to take a big sh*t. Mission colon Impossible and then Rogue Nation, but with no punctuation. So the name of the mission is Impossible Rogue Nation, is it? Is that how we’re supposed to read it? It makes no sense!

How do you feel about taking over the hosting duties from Craig Ferguson?

I know having two colons looks anatomically awkward. Mission colon Impossible colon Rogue Nation doesn’t look great. But there are alternatives. We could have had a semi-colon for instance.

How do you feel being a British presenter in the wake of Piers Morgan’s failure in taking over from Larry King?

Or what about the exclamation mark? I mean this is an exciting movie so why not have some shouty action filled punctuation, hmmm?

Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation will be released in 2016.