LONDON – The Studio Exec is at the BAFTAs this evening which is kind of like the Oscars if the Oscars said ‘pavement’ and ‘fancy a cup of tea vicar’.

Here are 5 FACTS in an envelope and ‘I wish to thank….’

1. A BAFTA has suffered from inflation in recent years. In the forties a BAFTA was worth three Oscars but now you need seventeen BAFTAs to get an Oscar on the open market.

2. BAFTA stands for British Affable Fellows for Tea Association. It was formed in the 1930s to promote tea etiquette following the 1927 cup and saucer riots of Old London Town, which was actually destroyed in the riots to be rebuilt into the London we know today. BAFTA promoted affable tea drinking until it got bored and turned its attention to the ‘flicks’.

3. Celebrating British film has been difficult because the most of the stuff is ‘frightful tosh featuring spotty oiks in stiff collared shirts’ The New Yorker. However, due to new rules if a film is touched by a British person it immediately becomes a British film, (see Gravity).

4.  Many people are celebrating this year as a vintage one in British cinema with such film as The Selfish Giant, Gravity and Philomena competing this year. Next year will see the release of a film which combines characters from each film as a young child rescues fallen space debris to attract his long lost Irish mother who keeps saying ‘fecking eejit’ in an amusing way.

5. Tom Hiddleston, Mark Strong, Benedict Cumberbatch, Michael Fassbender, Idris Elba and Chiwitel Ejiofor are all actually German except for Fassbender who’s Welsh.  

For more FACTS click HERE.


HOLLYWOOD – Oscar contenders Philomena starring Judi Dench and Captain Phillips starring Tom Hanks are also going head to head in a new film mash up inspired by the Batman Vs. Superman superhero collision.

Paul Greengrass who will directed the new film said:

The Philomena universe and the Captain Phillips universe are actually the same universe, and so I got to thinking what if they actually met. The Irish mother with the long lost son could be returning from America by boat and she would meet Captain Phillips who would have taken the job as captaining the cruise ship as a way of recovering from his hostage ordeal. However, the brother of the dead Somali pirate is out for revenge. Will Captain Phillips once more be able to save the day helped by the ‘fish out of water’ housewife with the ready Irish wit?

Will she say ‘fecking eejit’?

Of course she will.

The new film will have competition however when August: Osage County Vs. Nebraska begins production later this year. Ron Howard says that the film ‘will combine the bitter sweet bitter family dramas of mouth cancer and Alzheimer’s in a fun for all the family black and white misery ride’.

Philomena Vs Captain Philips will be released in 2015.   


VENICE – Evil Irish nuns steal M’s baby and so Alan Partridge teams up with M and they head to America to steal him back!

It should be a sad story, this time round but 1. Peter Mullen did sad with The Magdalene Sisters and 2. we want a nice film to watch while we eat our custard creams. If you painted a B. an A, an F, a T and another A on the negative, the film wouldn’t have any more BAFTA written all over it as it alraedy has. Judi Dench is Oirish and calls Coogan a fecking Ejiit at one point. There’s laugh and tears and acceptance speeches to come. It’s the King’s Last Exotic Full Monty Speech all over again! Watch and feel good.