JASON STATHAM IS PHIL COLLINS IN THINK TWICE

HOLLYWOOD – Jason Statham to play Phil Collins in a new biopic.

The British hard man, martial artist and multi-linguist (Cockney and Merican) Jason Statham is not only lined up to play Indiana Jones in a forthcoming adventure (for more on that CLICK HERE) but has just landed the role of prog-rock drummer turned soulster Phil Collins in the biopic Think Twice. 

The long-awaited biopic, directed by Harold Ramis, will chart the rise and rise of the drummer of Genesis. It will follow his solo career that brought us such hits as ‘In the Air Tonight’ and ‘Sussudio’. The film will also explore Collins’ movie career, best remembered for Buster. Collins said that he was delighted to be the subject of a film although, he remarked, ‘it isn’t as if my life has really been so extraordinary.’

Director Ramis agreed:

It isn’t like we have much to go on from an interest point of view. So we’re just going to make up some shit. We’re going to have Phil foiling an attempt to assassinate the Queen. Oh, and – during the recording of ‘Invisible Touch’ -he’ll have to restart his own heart a couple of times using a car battery. That was Jason’s suggestion.

Asked about the role he is to play, Statham looked nonplussed.

I’m not really sure about it, but my agent says it would be good to get out of this action rut and go for an Oscar like Whacky Phoenix did with Walk the Line. As for the music Phil has made, most of it has been absolute gash and the rest carries the stench of mediocrity. Especially that voice. Jesus Christ. It makes me want to vomit.

Given his star’s antipathy, why did Ramis cast Jason Statham in the role?

The hair. Or the lack thereof. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Cough. Cough.

Think Twice opens sometime in 2022.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT SUSAN SARANDON

HOLLYWOOD – Susan Sarandon is a fine actress and a progressive thinker.

But we sent the Studio Exec FACT Squad to find out five FACTS you didn’t know about Susan Sarandon.

1. She married Kurt Russell years ago. Despite having very different political opinions, Susan and Kurt have been married for almost four decades, one of the longest and most successful marriages.

2. Susan first came to fame in the musical Rocky Horror Picture Show where she played the role of the plain Jane who is gradually seduced by the decadent atmosphere of Dr. Frankenfurter’s castle. To prepare for the role she was gradually seduced by the decadent atmosphere of Dr. Frankenfurter’s castle.

3. Sarandon starred opposite the pop star Phil Collins in Tony Scott’s debut film The Hunger.

4. Susan Sarandon won an Oscar for Dead Man Walking in 1995. Tim Robbins directed the film, a man she had a relationship with until 2009, when she remembered that she was married to Kurt Russell.

5. Sarandon has long been a political activist. She is a vegetarian and supported Bernie Sanders in the last election. When he failed to win the primary, she declared that she would vote for Jill Stein because ‘I like Donald Trump’s hair.’

For more FACTS click here. 

PHIL COLLINS ADMITS TO VOICING EMMA WATSON IN BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

HOLLYWOOD – Veteran rocker and Genesis front man Phil Collins today confessed that he was the voice behind Emma Watson’s Belle in the new live action Beauty and the Beast.

British rocker Phil Collins admits to being the voice behind Emma Watson in Disney’s new Beauty and the Beast. He spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I’m thoroughly ashamed of myself. But the divorce lawyers took a real bite and I need the moolah. First they came sniffing around the time of La La Land. Just a little bit of vocals, Phil, they said. Three days tops. So I said yes.

This was for Ryan Gosling’s role?phil collins

No, Emma Stone. She’s a beautiful lady and she’s got a pair of pegs on her. But Lord her singing voice was like someone bunging a cat locked in a fridge down a spiral staircase. Lorks!

So you dubbed Emma Stone in La La Land?

Yes.

She won an Oscar for that role.

Did she? I don’t keep up with the showbiz. It depresses me frankly.

Then you got the Beauty and the Beast gig?

Yeah. They liked what I’d done so they must have thought, Phil’s the go-to guy to voice Emmas.  It was a bit harder, but I managed. Hermione had given it her best shot bless her. But her best shot sounded roughly the equivalent of someone killing a bucket of baby seals with a claw-headed hammer.

Not good.

Someone called 911. And it was someone in the studio who knew what was happening.

So you came in.

Yeah. And I gargled with pineapple juice and away I went.

Pineapple juice?

Yeah. It makes me sound less like a dustbin man and more like a young scrap of a lass.

What’s your next project?

Emily Blunt. Oh and I’m doing a charity record for the victims of drone attacks.

What’s it called?

I can Feel it Coming in the Air Tonight (Oh Lord).

Beauty and the Beast is in cinemas.

DARREN ARONOFSKY CONFIRMS NOAH PREQUEL

NEW YORK – During an interview at the New York Film Festival, Darren Aronofsky told the journalists that he intended to film a prequel to his hit film Noah, provisionally titled Genesis.

Although Aronofsky said the production was in its early stages he did confirm that Adam Driver and Eva Mendez are going to play Adam and Eve, and that they’ll be tempted in the garden of Eden by Russell Brand.

Darren Aronofsky told assembled members of the world press and the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The only reason I want to do it is because people have told me its a stupid idea. I did the same thing when they told me a film about ballerinas was a non-starter. They said hiring Mickey Rourke to play a wrestler would be a disaster. They even said that Hugh Jackman trying to cure death via magic mushrooms would not be a popular movie. Okay, they were right with the last one, but this has hit written all over it. Also to keep the consistency of names that I’ve got going in the cast, I’ve also got Genesis to agree to provide the soundtrack.

 

Genesis: The Invisible Touch will be released in early Spring of 2016. 

 

DISNEY BUY MIYAZAKI REMAKE RIGHTS

TOKYO – Beloved Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki announced today that he has sold the rights of all his films to the Disney Company.

Miyazaki – whose latest film The Wind Rises has been nominated for a best animation Oscar – said today that he believed that Disney would be the perfect company to retell his stories for Western audiences.

The Maestro of Studio Ghibli told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY: 

My films are works of supreme imagination. They are flights of fancy with characters who I hold close to my heart and treasure as dear to me as my oldest friends. But – on the other hand – Disney have lots of money and they’re willing to give quite a bit of a it to me. It’s a no-brainer.

The news was met with dismay by Peter Berklidge, an adult man who actually cares about what normal people call ‘cartoons’.

The universe of Miyazaki and that of Walt Disney are utterly different. They’re like Country and Western and Gangsta Rap. They should not be mixed. We’re talking about a major upset in the very fabric of reality.  

However, a spokesperson for Disney said:

I find it outrageous that anyone can find this move anything other than wonderful. It’s like you haven’t even watched Saving Mr Banks! Did you learn nothing from Tom Hanks?

 We asked whether there would be any significant changes? 

Not at all. No I don’t think so. The first film is going to be based on My Neighbor Totoro and Elton John is doing the music, Phil Collins is singing. Jack Black will do the voices. The weird Shinto stuff is all going. We’ll just put a loosely veiled Christian symbolism in there. And we might use some material from elsewhere to tie it in and puff the story a bit which is a bit weak. But no. It’ll will honor the Miyazaki spirit. 

Totoro and Stitch will be released in 2015.