MARK WAHLBERG TO STAR IN BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Wahlberg will star in Peter Berg’s new film The Bowling Green Massacre.

Following Deepwater Horizon and Patriots Day, Mark Wahlberg continues his chronically of bad things happening with The Bowling Green Massacre. Based on an original story by Kellyanne Conway, the film tells the story of how refugees/terrorists killed over one million people in a single day.

Mark Wahlberg spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

The difficulty of making the film lay in the fact that there is such a cover up. I’ve tried to research what happened but it’s almost impossible. I mean I can find literally no trace of the event. And to think over a million people were killed by these refugees/terrorists. It’s almost as if the cover up must reach to the highest echelons. Is that the word? Echelons?

Yes. Do you think this involves President Obama?

I don’t want to make political statements. My films are always about entertaining and informing. Except for The Italian Job and The Happening. Those films were just …urgh. But I feel this topic is so important. Everyone of us knows where we were when we heard about the Bowling Green Massacre. Almost all of us were on Twitter. We have to let the children know about this, so it never happens again.

The Bowling Green Massacre will be released on Tuesday.

HIDDEN GEMS 21. BATTLESHIP POTEMKIN

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week SILENT movie ‘Battleship Potemkin’. You’re welcome.

I know what you’re going to say, ‘Urgh! I hated Battleship’. Fair enough. It was awful, even for Peter Berg, but did you know it was a remake of a Russian movie? No. Well, welcome to the best kept secret of the former Soviet Union.

Battleship Potemkin tells the story of Battleship and a revolt that takes place after they find that the bread is full of maggots. The officers are all absolute douche bags and when they order the soldiers to shoot the men, a general riot breaks out on-board the ship. The people in the port of Odessa support the mutiny but then Tsarist soldiers, like assholes, massacre them on the Odessa Steps. This is the heart of the movie, and a moment when a baby in a pram runs out of control down the steps is unbelievably good. One criticism might be that this part seems to be directly lifted from Brian DePalma’s Untouchables. It’s a niggle. I know.

Director Sergei Eisenstein was not only a great director but also discovered the General Theory of Relativity. Potemkin clocks in at just an hour fifteen minutes, a whole hour under Peter Berg’s Battleship. Which could be why Eisenstein is still respected for his editing and Berg isn’t.

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MARK WAHLBERG TO RUIN THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN

HOLLYWOOD – Following his destruction of The Gambler, Mark Wahlberg has sworn that he will not rest until he has destroyed The Six Million Dollar Man as well.

Mark Wahlberg is due to star in the remake as Steve Austin (in the original played by Lee Majors), an astronaut who is almost killed when the experimental airplane he is test flying crashes and his body is rebuilt to the cost of Six Million Dollars! Now with super strength and super speed which despite looking really slow is actually really fast, Steve goes on to fight crime as secret agent, controlled by the mysterious Oscar.

Wahlberg turned up at the Studio Exec bungalow and started throwing his weight around.

I screwed up The Gambler, I screwed up Planet of the Apes. I screwed up The Italian Job. And now I’m going to ruin The Six Million Dollar Man.

But why Mark? Why?

Because I can! I’m sick to death of people telling me my films are rotten and I make a much better associate producer than I do an actor. I want to be taken seriously. And so I’m going to ruin a beloved TV show or remake a really good movie badly until the critics start taking me seriously.

Why don’t you just try and make a good film?

I did. I made The Fighter. But then Christian GODDAMN Bale got the Oscar. What’s the point? That skinny asshole! No, I’m going to basically hold the film watching community ransom until I start reading some good reviews. Ted 2 would be a place to start.

That’s not going to happen.

Then I’m going to keep at it.

Why are you doing this?

Because I’m deeply unhappy. Deeply. Can’t you see, I’m not a bad person? I just want to be loved. To be loved and understood. Jesus. Come on. The Happening was seven years ago. Please, can’t you just forget it ever existed. Please I swear to God, I’ll never make anything that bad again. Please. Can’t I ever be forgiven? I associate produced Entourage. That has to count for something!?

Six Million Dollar Man will be released in 2016.

IS THE LEFTOVERS COMPLETE SHIT?

HOLLYWOOD – With the Rapture all the rage, the new Damon Lindelof and Tom Perotta scripted drama, The Leftovers on HBO asks the question couldn’t God have taken Damon Lindelof and Tom Perotta as well.

The pilot sets up its premise with alacrity. One day a bunch of people disappear, skip to a few years later and everyone is post-9/11ing the shit out of it, including a maudlin Sheriff (Justin Theroux), whose wife has joined the Guilt Remnant, a religious cult and whose daughter is a hockey cheat and whose son has run away to follow a messiah type figure. There’s a crackpot Christopher Eccleston and the small town mayor played by Amanda Warburton.

Continue reading “IS THE LEFTOVERS COMPLETE SHIT?”

[SPOILER] LONE [SPOILER] SURVIVOR: REVIEW

AFGHANISTAN – Lone Survivor is a war film which asks the important question: which Mark Wahlberg will survive?

The film begins with footage of the real life and arduous training of Navy frogmen with lots of shouting and ferociousness, if you were being cynical you might think of it almost as a recruiting video but we can put a pin in that. 

Then we’re in Afghanistan where the trivia of home – picking out the color scheme for redecoration – mixes with the gung-ho rituals of on base military life. The professional soldiers prepare for a mission with power point presentations and a close attention to detail – and then four of the squad (Wahlberg, John Carter, Into the Wild and Ben Foster) are dropped into hostile territory where things begin quickly to go wrong. 

Accusing a true story of cliché might seem a bit rich, but US foreign policy has a tendency to repeat its mistakes with such grinding regularity that familiar ground is hard to avoid. For some this will be a patriotic piece of action cinema, a stirring tribute to the fallen. To others it might be a piece of pernicious propaganda which manipulates the suffering and death of the American soldiers for maximum effect while utterly disregarding the suffering and death of everyone else. Hoping for geopolitical nuance from the director of Battleship might be asking too much, but his action sequences are much better and clunking clichés and lachrymose coda aside, there’s a punchy  and tense war film here.