PAUL SCHRADER DOWNED FACEBOOK

HOLLYWOOD – Oligarch psychopath, Mark Zuckerberg has confirmed that Paul Schrader downed Facebook with ‘the sheer weight of shitty posts’, that it completely toppled the whole Facebook group of sites. The unpredictable and verbally effluent director, Paul Schrader downed Facebook with a never ending torrent of shit on his page.

Taxi Drivel

Posts on Schrader’s Facebook range from complaining about gay actresses to whining that he’s been kicked out of his online poker group due to ‘cancel culture’. It really is a never ending fountain of shit for anyone who wants to feel better about themselves. But all the fun and ‘schraderfreuder’ (see what we did there?) games came crashing to the ground yesterday when the entire Facebook group closed down for over 6 hours.

Paul Schrader Downs Facebook

After an intense IT investigation period, it was discovered that Facebook had finally reached its shit-post threshold. This was digitally manifested in a reverse Tron-like move where ton after ton of actual shit was generated from the Zuckerberg servers.

Raging Bullshit

Staff at Facebook HQ were unable to enter the building. At first it was believed to be because the security system had also crashed. Later, it was revealed it was down to severe amounts of Schrader’s bullshit behind the doors.

Bringing Out The Shit

Twitter immediately responded by placing a blanket ban on anyone with the name Paul Schrader, Paul, or anyone bemoaning a world where you can’t act like a fucking asshole all the time. Thanks to their quick action, the shit infestation failed to take a grip on the micro-blogging site. Therefore Twitter was left with just a few minor skid-marks.

Brown Collar

Zuckerberg was ‘unavailable for comment’ at the time of writing. Unfortunately, we have been plagued by requests from Mr Schrader. He wants us to provide him with another platform to moan about ‘those fucking lesbians’. But we have declined the first few thousand requests of his.

 

MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT BREAKS

47 FILMS: 51. THE YAKUZA

In our continuing series of 47 films to see before you are murdered in your dreams, we present the neo-noir classic The Yakuza.

Sydney Pollack’s The Yakuza is a top class crime movie. Private detective Harry Kilmer (Robert Mitchum) returns to Japan in order to arrange the release of his friend’s daughter, who’s been kidnapped by Japanese gangsters. Or Yakuza. Accompanied by a bodyguard Dusty (Richard Jordan) he must seek out an old friend Ken (Ken Takakura) who owes him a debt to help him navigate the murky world of the Tokyo underworld. He also needs to meet up again with the woman Eiko (Keiko Kishi) he knew and loved in the war and see if there’s anything worth rekindling.

Directed by Pollack from a script by the Schrader brothers with help from Robert Towne, the film is rich in 70s ambiguity. The first two acts are a moody slow burn, with plenty of dialogue and Mitchum at his sleepiest. His face is that of a good man whose been scrunched up like a piece of paper. He’s not exactly a fish out of water. He knows Japan and speaks some Japanese. He’s a quiet American. But here everything is ambivalent. And we only know that all is not as it seems.

But then the third act launches into the kind of violence that John Woo would make supersonic in his Hong Kong shoot outs.  It’s a wonderful sequence. Ultimately, the catharsis doesn’t last long. Mitchum brings such a gentle melancholy to the world that we feel with him. He’s a superb actor who has already featured in our 47 films with The Friends of Eddie Coyle. And this is another worthy addition. If you’ve already seen it, watch it again. And if you’ve never seen it you’re in for a treat.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

47 FILMS: 35. BLUE COLLAR

In our continuing series of ’47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams’, we look at Paul Schrader’s hard-working Blue Collar.

Films about the working class in American cinema are pretty rare. As a matter of fact we don’t even like the words working class. We prefer to call everybody middle class and in that way pretend that dentists and dock workers, lawyers and lettuce pickers, studio execs and gaffers are all in the same boat together. Paul Schrader’s 1978 directorial debut Blue Collar knows there’s a working class and he goes right into the heart of it. Three pals – the loudmouth Zeke Brown (Richard Pryor), tough guy ex-con Smokey James (Yaphet Kotto) and Jerry Bartowski (Harvey Keitel) – work on the production line of a huge auto factory in Detroit. Their complaints and gripes range from the trivial to the fundamental and their union rep pays lip service but little else. Despite working full time, they’re all squeezed for money with Jerry working two jobs and Zeke running various scams to pick up more dough and them both trying to support their families. Meanwhile, an investigator is prowling the after work bars looking for dirt on the union which is considered one of the most corrupt in the city. At the end of their collective tethers, they decide to knock off the safe in their local union office and split the money three ways. Cue a low paid caper like something out of Palookaville with the least appropriate dime store masks as disguises.

Of course, everything begins to go wrong and of course their friendship begins to buckle under the strain. The frustration which bubbled under the surface throughout the film begins to rise to the surface in large bubbles of simple rage. This is an angry film which is able to see more than one side of an argument while at the same time knowing which side it is on. No punches are pulled and yet at the same time it is funny, with some of the best swearing ever put on screen. The three leads supply career best performances and Pryor in particular is allowed to truly let rip with the anger that inspired some of his best stand up.

For more of our ’47 Films to see Before you are Murdered in your Dreams’ Click Here.

SCORSESE AGREES HBO TV SERIES: TAXI DRIVER

NEW YORK – Martin Scorsese is to follow up Boardwalk Empire with a new HBO mini-series based on perhaps his most critically acclaimed film: Taxi Driver.

Original script writer Paul Schrader has already been working on scripts, but Robert de Niro has said that he won’t return in the part of Travis Bickle.

‘I think it makes a lot more sense with a new young actor playing the part,’ said De Niro.

Scorsese says the show will be set in the seventies:

We’ve worked on various scenarios and we are combining them into a three season narrative arc. We’ll begin with Travis in Vietnam for the first season and we’ll find out what made him into who we see in the original film. Then the second season will be more or less the events of the film but stretched out and with some stand alone episode where Travis goes and fights crime and what not. I’m thinking something between First Blood and Death Wish. The final season will be a series of stand alone episodes telling us what happened to Travis. Spoiler alert: he becomes a private detective. 

Taxi Driver will be broadcast in the Fall.

MICKEY ROURKE IN RAGING BULL SEQUEL

HOLLYWOOD – The first pictures from the long awaited Raging Bull 2: The Moscow Tour have hit the internet, showing Mickey Rourke in action in the ring.

A sequel to the Robert de Niro/Martin Scorsese classic Raging Bull, the picture sees Jake La Motta (Mickey Rourke) travelling to Russia to fight a series of exhibition bouts and in the process foil a plot by the Russian Mafia to start World War 3.

Director Darren Aronofsky reuniting with Rourke following their success with The Wrestler spoke to The Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We thought this version was going to be a much lighter piece than we did before. But at the same time I have a lot of respect for Scorsese’s original, especially Paul Schrader’s screenplay. Truly magnificent. He really made it real. So in a way will I. We’ve got Mickey actually touring Russia now and fighting real bouts. We’re stealing a lot of footage from this and we’re going to incorporate it into the film. As much as I like the original I think you’ll find RB2: The Moscow Tour will improve on it.

How so?

Well, for starters it’s in color. I haven’t got a clue what Scorsese was thinking about, but black and white? What a stupid idea!

But Pi, your debut film was in black and white.

Shut up. And Mickey Rourke as an actor is much better than Robert de Niro. In the way that Hugh Jackman is vastly superior to Brad Pitt.

Okay.

And as a writer I’m better than Mr. Schrader. Though I do respect him. But everything can be improved upon. And yes, that includes the Bible.

Raging Bull 2: The Moscow Years will be released in 2016.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT ROBERT DE NIRO (PART TWO)

HOLLYWOOD – Robert De Niro is so especially fantastic that in order to celebrate his 70th birthday 5 FACTS didn’t seem enough.

So before you can say ‘Are you talking to me?’ here are 5 more FACTS about Uncle Bobby. 

1. No one has ever seen Jack Knife, except you.

2. In The Deer Hunter, De Niro was actually supposed to be hunting boar but shot a deer by accident. Michael Cimino changed the title of the film and used the footage.

3. When filming Angel Heart De Niro got very jealous of young actor Mickey Rourke and so when Rourke asked him for advice De Niro told him to take up boxing and plastic surgery. 

4. To play Noodles, the Jewish gangster in Once Upon a Time in America, De Niro got his little fellow clipped. Director Sergio Leone found it hilarious and shot a scene of De Niro’s circumcised penis but unfortunately and ironically that scene also had to be cut.

5. Taxi Driver is often cited as Robert De Niro’s most autobiographical film. De Niro was a taxi driver when he was looking for a break as a young man. He also rescued a prostitute from gangsters and shot them up, becoming a local hero. Paul Schrader – the script writer – denies any knowledge of this and said he was freaked out by the coincidence, so much so that he hasn’t written another film since.   

For more Movie FACTS CLICK HERE!