HOLLYWOOD – With the second season of Homeland done and dusted, it can now be revealed that the grippingly ridiculous cops and terrorists thriller is actually based on a true story.

Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan in a new book Homeland, Brody and Me reveals how he was indeed ‘captured while serving in the Army’s elite Delta force, was kept prisoner for several years in a hole, was broken, did have crazy great sex with a crazy CIA woman, did plan to bomb Congress, did chicken out, did get stabbed in the hand, did start working for the government and did try and kill Mitt Romney by fiddling with his pace maker via a computer (it turned out he didn’t have a pacemaker).’

Ryan writes:

All the facts are right, except I do NOT have ginger hair and none of my children are anyway near as annoying as that little brat who keeps interrupting the plot to weep and blub and shout about things nobody cares about. I mean, they even got her to be involved in a hit and run and it was still annoyingly uninteresting.  I mean when someone in a TV show is involved in a car accident you can just tell the writers have run out of ideas. 

Show runner, Howard Gordon – however – has denied that the show is based on  true events:

We based the show on an Israeli thriller. Everyone knows that Paul Ryan is a mad fantasist. You only have to read his budget or listen to one of his tall stories about running marathons. Don’t get me wrong. I like the guy, but no. He is not Brody and he has never been to bed with Claire Danes.

Season 3 is already set to begin filming with a brilliant story about how Brody tries to destroy the country by slashing government spending.



HOLLYWOOD – As we enter 2013, Studio Exec casts a jaundiced eye over the young faces of yesteryear and asks where are they now.

Garfield was once everyone’s favorite cat, but soon he caught the eye of madman mogul Donald Trump who took a liking to the autumnal coloring of the animal’s fur, and thought it’d be a perfect addition to his follicle folly. Before you could say ‘You’re Fired!’ he had the moggy hunted, killed and skinned and the pelt lowered via helicopter onto his otherwise gleaming pate.

It’s been an interesting 2012 for Star Trek actor Paul Ryan, more familiar to viewers as comedy robot Data. With the cancellation of the television series and no more films in the offing, Ryan wiped off the make up and ran for the US Senate, putting his computational skills and way out charisma to another use as the running mate of Mitt Romney. ‘I was there to make Mitt look human,’ admitted Ryan later. 

Many worried about the fate of young Billy Elliot once the popular film was over. Having danced his way into everyone’s hearts, it was obvious he was going to become an obnoxious drunk, but never fear. Liverpool Football Club (or Soccer team) took him on as a midfielder and he’s doing very well for himself! Go you Reds!