PAUL RUDD TO PLAY STEVE GUTTENBERG

HOLLYWOOD – Paul Rudd is to play Steve Guttenberg in a new biopic of the actor made famous by Cocoon, Three Men and a Baby and Police Academy.

The new Ant-Man, Paul Rudd, spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

Steve Guttenberg was my inspiration growing up and I would never have thought to have challenged the role if it wasn’t for the fact that the script was out of this world and Alejandro González Iñárritu is a director I greatly admire.

Based on Iñárritu’s own script the film – provisionally entitled Guttenberg – focuses on a late moment in Steve Guttenberg’s career. Rudd explains:

This is not a classical biopic which sweeps from childhood through early struggles and success to inevitable decline. Instead we find Steve at a later part of his career. The heady days of the Eighties are over and the nineties have been dry, but Steve is preparing his directorial debut P.S. Your Cat Is Dead. Alejandro sees the film as a companion to Birdman, continuing his obsession with stars of the 80s and 90s, seeking to make artistic statements.

Did you see the original film?

Yes. It should be a lot better known. It’s really good. We want to make people realize that the guy from Short Circuit was an accomplished actor and director and not think of him as simply a possible cloned threat from China.

A what?

  There’s talk that China have 3D printed an army of Guttenbergs.

Good God!

Quite.

Guttenberg Will be released in 2023.

PAUL RUDD: ‘I WORSHIP SATAN’

LOS ANGELES – Ant Man Paul Rudd has become the latest in a long line of stars to declare their deep and abiding religious belief in the Prince of Darkness, Satan.

‘Hollywood can be a crazy place and being an actor can be a stressful occupation,’ the Ant Man and the Wasp star said smiling affably. ‘I find worshipping Satan brings me inner peace and centres me.’

Rudd’s conversion marks only the latest Hollywood star – Selena Gomez and Christian Slater have also recently declared themselves Satanists – in what is quickly becoming what many are calling the ‘New Scientology’. A new high tech and air conditioned Center for the Promotion of Beelzebub  has opened off Sunset Boulevard, where new celebrity devotees can gather and practice their various Black Masses and rituals.

Paul Rudd speaking from his Hollywood home said:

People think that it’s all worshiping upside down crucifixes, sacrificing babies and desecrating churches. Well I’ve never seen an upside down crucifix, but two out of three ain’t bad, ha ha ha!

Tom Cruise angrily responded to the claims that Satanism had now overtaken Scientology as the new nut-bag spiritual fad.

These people are weak minded and they’re being taken in by charlatans who are basically inventing a lot of gobbledegook that people like Ruddy are just swallowing whole. The main problem is it’s cheaper than Scientology.

Bishop Humbert Humbert of the Roman Catholic church however welcomed the surge in commitment:

What we should focus on here is the fact that these people believe in the same beings we believe in. We’ve been fighting against the wave of Godless atheism, so I frankly welcome Satanists as on our team. I’d rather have a Rudd than a Dawkins any day of the week.

What do you think? Are you a Satanist? Has anyone got video evidence of Paul Rudd eating a baby? Please post comments letting us know your thoughts.

NOAM CHOMSKY EXCITED ABOUT SAUSAGE PARTY

NEW YORK – Noam Chomsky has broken with tradition and spoken out about a new Hollywood movie that he is really excited about seeing: Sausage Party, starring Paul Rudd and Kristen Wiig.

Famous linguist and radical political thinker Noam Chomsky has broken his habitual silence on matters of cinema to talk about how excited he is about Sausage Party, the new animated comedy about a sausage having an identity crisis. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Chomsky explained his excitement:

I can’t wait for Sausage Party. It’s the only film for decades to really get me going. I think it’s going to be f*cking hilarious. I mean there’s this sausage and all these other sort of food stuffs and the sausage realizes they’re all going to be eaten. It’s like Orwell but for the new millennium and it’s written by Seth Rogen and he’s f*cking hilarious. What a guy. Him and James Franco. They’re amazing.

So it’s the sociopolitical subtext that you’re…

Oh shit no. It’s the shits and giggles that I go for. Jesus, I swear to God I spend my whole day talking about the war on terror, the Palestinian-Israeli conflict, Venezuela, when I go to the pictures I just want to see some really funny food animation and loads of off-color humor. Did you see Dirty Grandpa?

But from a linguistic point of view it must be…

Shut up. How about that for linguistic point of view. Shut your f*cking trap.

Professor Chomsky!

Professor Chomsky [in a high pitch ]. Jesus, I just want to laugh a Paul Rudd animated film, scripted by Seth Rogen, with a salacious title and I hope and pray a cameo from James Franco and you have to ruin everything. You ass biscuit!

Sausage Party is out soon.

TYLER PERRY’S THE PASSION PROVES ‘THERE IS NO GOOD GOD’

HOLLYWOOD – Tyler Perry conclusively has proven there is no such thing as a benign omnipotent God via his live television event The Passion.

Critics of religion such as Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins congratulated Tyler Perry for doing away with the notion that there was some kind of all powerful good God. Perry’s Palm Sunday live television broadcast The Passion showed on Fox last night and proved beyond doubt that a good God was at best a chimera, at worst a delusion. The semi-live  musical featured a huge glowing crucifix being carried through the streets of New Orleans on Palm Sunday, to a souped up Karaoke soundtrack sung by half famous people.

Fox’s second live musical event of the year so far, the tale of the last hours of Jesus Christ featured Tyler Perry himself as the narrator in pre-taped segments,  Trisha Yearwood played Mary the Virgin Mother, Seal as Pontius Pilate, Prince Royce as the future St. Peter, Chris Daughtry as Judas, and Telenovela’s Jencarlos Canela as Jesus. Singing covers of such classic Spirituals as Tears for Fears’ Mad World and We Don’t Need Another Hero (Beyond the Thunderdome) from Mad Max 3, the telecast had an immediate and significant effect on the belief in God on audiences throughout the country.

“I’ve always been a God-fearing church goer,” said Conor Wickam (43) from Idaho, “but now there just doesn’t seem to be any point.” These sentiments were echoed as religious groups suddenly decided their time would be better spent writing long introspective novels, or having sex with people they actually wanted to have sex with. Even the Vatican issued a statement.

The Holy Father watched with dismay as Tyler Perry made the existence of a all powerful and beneficent deity seem silly. He’s decided to take a few days of retreat and meditation while he knocks his resume into shape.

Tyler Perry however pointed to the fact that some had their faith strengthened:

I spoke with my good friend Paul Rudd and he said that he felt the show was deep and that he would be practicing his own beliefs with far more fervor than hitherto.

For more on Paul Rudd’s satanism, Click Here.

5 FACTS WE LEARNED ABOUT CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

HOLLYWOOD – The new trailer to Captain America: Civil War dropped and with it the first sight of Tom Holland’s Spider-Man, but what did we really learn.

The Studio Exec FACT Squad is currently being ripped asunder (which is not good) by a civil war about which side to support on Captain America: Civil War, so we sent both halves of the warring squad into battle to find out five FACTS about the new film from watching the trailer once on a phone with a poor Wi-Fi connection.

1. It is historically inaccurate. Although the characters wear ‘costumes’ they are not correct to the period from 1861-1865 in which the Civil War took place.

2. Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Emily VanCamp, Don Cheadle, Jeremy Renner,Chadwick Boseman, Paul Bettany, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Rudd, Frank Grillo, Tom Holland, William Hurt, and Daniel Brühl are in it

3. Tony Stark loves Captain America’s perfect teeth but there’s an edge there.

4. New York, Washington and Skikky-lovia have been destroyed. Everyone looks serious, including William Hurt who is playing Michael Douglas, Robert Redford and Jeff Bridges.

5. Black Panther isn’t actually a panther. And Spider-Man isn’t actually a Spider.

For more FACTS click HERE.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT PAUL RUDD

HOLLYWOOD – Paul Rudd will soon be appearing in ANT-MAN, but what do we really know about the man?

Now, 5 FACTuals about Paul Rudd, actor and nice guy.

1. Paul Rudd made his name as the inventor of the popular tabletop game Jenga, which he developed with Steve Carrell, but then he gave away the patents to a children’s charity, because he didn’t think anyone should profit from humanity’s need to play stupid games way past the age when it makes sense.

2. Paul Rudd writes and directs all of Judd Apatow’s films, but he refuses to take any credit because a) he’s just such a nice guy and b) they’re all shit.

3. Paul Rudd is a fruitarian, but he won’t eat grapes because ‘they’re so cute.’ While preparing for Ant-Man, Paul ate nothing but watermelons, leading Edgar Wright to nickname him ‘Watermelon-Man.’ When a Marvel exec heard this, they assumed it was racist and fired Wright.  

4. To prepare for his role in “I Love You, Man,” Paul Rudd murdered fifteen homeless people.

5. Paul Rudd’s father was an airline pilot, and Paul traveled frequently with him. Once, when his father was drunk, Paul put the Boeing 747 into a spin, an event which became the real-life inspiration for the Denzel Washington film “Flight.”

For more FACTS Click Here.

PAUL RUDD: ‘I WORSHIP SATAN’

LOS ANGELES – Paul Rudd has become the latest in a long line of stars to declare their deep and abiding religious belief in the Prince of Darkness, Satan.

‘Hollywood can be a crazy place and being an actor can be a stressful occupation,’ the This is Forty star said smiling affably. ‘I find worshipping Satan brings me inner peace and centres me.’

Rudd’s conversion marks only the latest Hollywood star – Selena Gomez and Christian Slater have also recently declared themselves Satanists – in what is quickly becoming what many are calling the ‘New Scientology’. A new high tech and air conditioned Center for the Promotion of Beelzebub  has opened off Sunset Boulevard, where new celebrity devotees can gather and practice their various Black Masses and rituals.

Paul Rudd speaking from his Hollywood home said:

People think that it’s all worshiping upside down crucifixes, sacrificing babies and desecrating churches, well I’ve never seen an upside down crucifix, but two out of three ain’t bad, ha ha ha!

Tom Cruise angrily responded to the claims that Satanism had now overtaken Scientology as the new nut-bag spiritual fad.

These people are weak minded and they’re being taken in by charlatans who are basically inventing a lot of gobbledegook that people like Ruddy are just swallowing whole. The main problem is it’s cheaper than Scientology.

Bishop Humbert Humbert of the Roman Catholic church however welcomed the surge in commitment:

What we should focus on here is the fact that these people believe in the same beings we believe in. We’ve been fighting against the wave of Godless atheism, so I frankly welcome Satanists as on our team. I’d rather have a Rudd than a Dawkins any day of the week.

What do you think? Are you a Satanist? Has anyone got video evidence of Paul Rudd eating a baby? Please post comments letting us know your thoughts.

POPULATION OF SWEDEN CAST IN AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR

HOLLYWOOD -The 9,593,421 population of Sweden were confirmed to all have roles in the upcoming Avengers movie, Avengers Civil War.

The entire Swedish population will join Paul Rudd, Martin Freeman, Daniel Bruhl, Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, Robert Downey Jr, Elizabeth Olsen, Scarlett Johansson, Chadwick Boseman, Frank Grillo, William Hurt and Don Cheadle in Avengers Civil War, the third movie in the sequence. The Russo brothers popped in to the Studio Exec bungalow to explain EXCLUSIVELY their thinking behind the move.

Anthony Russo: We want this movie to have a genuinely epic scale. Civil War! You know it gives you that feeling of size, of magnificent hugeness. In the past Avengers movies have concentrated on teams and cities, but now we’re into armies and nations. So Sweden seemed like the perfect choice. They speak really good English and we picked up some nice tax breaks.

But when you say cast, you mean extras, right? I mean nine million people here.

Joe Russo: Well, the positive thing is they come with their own infrastructure and a system of government. Ha ha! No, but seriously, we are talking about speaking roles here. Not just what we used to call Background Artists.

That’s crazy!

AR: Is it? Terrence Malick used the entire population of France to make To the Wonder.

No he didn’t.

JR: Did so! But in the end he cut most of them. To their immense relief, it has to be said, once they saw the movie.

Avengers: Civil War will be released in 2016.

FIRST PICS FROM PAUL RUDD AND TINA FEY’S NEKROMANTIC

BERLIN – The first still was released today from Paul Rudd and Tina Fey’s new sure-fire hit comedy: the American remake of controversial snuff movie Nekromantic.

The original film was released in 1987 and – with its scenes of graphic violence, gore and sexual perversion – was immediately banned, censored or otherwise repressed in a number of countries including director Jorg Buttgereit’s native Germany. Tina Fey said, ‘I love the original and – though it’s a departure from what audiences are used to seeing from us – I think they’ll be turned on in ways they’ll probably have to deny.’

The official synopsis for the new film reads:

Meet Rob (Paul Rudd), a sanitary worker, employed by a company specializing in picking up corpses found in public places. Rob and his ditzy girlfriend Betty (Tina Fey) however enjoy having sex with the corpses Rob manages to steal from work. Things are going along nicely until the arrival of Jerry, a particularly attractive suicide that cause Betty and Rob to flip their lids, to hilarious consequences.  

‘Our version is a lot lighter than the original,’ said Paul Rudd. ‘But we kept in the scenes of animal torture because that was fundamental to the plot.’

Director Paul Weitz – responsible for such works of art as American Pie and American Pie 2 –  joked that the studio thought they were making some ‘lame ass comedy called Admission. We knew we would never get green lit for this, so we went ahead and did it anyway.’

‘The important thing is to keep making new decisions and doing original work,’ said Tina Fey.

So Nekromantic 2?

She laughs. ‘Definitely,’ she says.


Nekromantic will be out on the 22nd of March, 2017.

JASON BATEMAN TO BE IN ANOTHER FILM

 LOS ANGELES – Actor Jason Bateman left many Hollywood observers struck dumb today when he announced that he would be in another film to start shooting sometime, with a script by writers.

It will be directed by someone and everyone says they’re very excited at the prospect of doing stuff together. Bateman said that so far his acting career had consisted of some so-so stuff mixed in with the occasional display of virtuoso competence, but he felt assured that the new film would be a departure for him, because it would go somewhere else different from where his other films had hitherto gone.

With a release date somewhere around then already slated, sources close to Bateman said:

Phew, I mean yeah, right. We are STOKED about this-ish.

The official plot synopsis reads:

There’s this guy and he’s an ordinary Joe and everything’s going all right but he’s in a rut – you know – and then some stuff happens, and everything changes. And it’s hilarious and you’d be surprised how hard it is to get Paul Rudd. I mean, like really hard.

For more Jason Bateman news please go somewhere else and do something else.