EXCLUSIVE: WES ANDERSON TALKS THE FRENCH DISPATCH

HOLLYWOOD – Wes Anderson, auteur maverick director of The French Dispatch, took time out to speak exclusively to The Studio Exec.

The Studio Exec was honoured to speak to Wes Anderson about his latest film, The French Dispatch.

– So, Wes thank you for taking time out to speak to us about your latest…

Did you know Harris Tweed originates from the Outer Hebrides and is hand woven by crofters on the Isle of Barra? They only grow to be 4 and a half feet tall. They weave these large jackets and they all have to be exported, because they can never fit into them. It’s tragic, but poetic.

– We really wanted to ask you about The French Dispatch. That’s quite some cast you’ve assembled there.

Thank you, it really is. We’ve got Kyle MacLachlan from Dune and Caroline Munroe from the Bond films in the lead roles. Not bad, eh?

– Do you mean Timothee Chalamet and Lea Seydoux?

The fuck you on about? No, no, no. Their agents assured me that they were, um, hang on. Oh shit. Oh well, too late now. So, we’ve got Timmy Chamalama and Leia Organa and they were just great during the shoot. Because they were so generous, ya dig?

The French Dispatch

– Can you tell us a little about The French Dispatch? What is it about?

Well, I’ll let you into a little secret, come closer. We told those suckers with the money at Indian Paintbrush and American Empirical Pictures that it was about some smart ass paper. Who has time to read any of that crap? It isn’t about that at all. Because Jason Schwartzman has such great eyebrows and cheeks, it’s just 100 minutes of him pouting at the rest of the cast. That’s how I got so many big shots to appear, yet again. Kerching baby!

– Was it an easy decision to cast long time collaborators Tilda Swinton, Willem Dafoe and Bill Murray?

Tilda was cast because she would be great in anything. Willem, because he’s riding high after his critical whammy in The Lighthouse Family. The reason I hired Bill? It’s simple, we have to. All independent filmmakers have to, it’s union rules.

– What do you mean by ‘union rules’?

Jarmusch told me this at Sundance, way back in 1995. We were touting Bottle Rocket around and couldn’t get a sniff from any distributors. He said to me, he said, ‘Wezzy baby,’ that’s what he calls me, ‘Wezzy baby. Bill Murray aint in it, so nobody gives a shit about your movie. You tell them he is, you got a distribution deal. Murray’s got dirt on the union bosses. All us independent schnucks have to hire him on every friggin’ picture we make. Ask Sofia Coppola. You think that’s Kirsten Dunst in The Virgin Suicides and Marie Antoinette?’

I told distributors that Murray was in the picture, as soon as I did, I got a distribution deal. Now, I write him in, no matter what. He’s the first name on the cast list. Who’s laughing now, huh?

– I don’t think that’s right. I think Jarmusch may have been joking.

What? Jarmusch? That piece of shit.

The French Dispatch is due for release in October, later this year.

BILL STILLER SENTENCED TO THREE YEARS IN PRISON

NEW YORK – A judge sentenced Ben Stiller to three years in prison.

Ben Stiller – star of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and Zoolander 2 – will start a three year prison sentence in March, 2019. This follows sentencing in New York on multiple charges. A court found Mr Stiller guilty of tax evasion and campaign finance violations. The sentence however was relatively light due to cooperation with the office of Special Prosecutor Robert De Niro. Although not named in court, ‘individual 1’ is a veiled reference to Alec Baldwin, president since 2016.

Mr. Stiller’s lawyer Owen Wilson told the Studio Exec:

My client has come out of a tunnel. We thought nothing could be darker than when he did Cable Guy, but this was an even harder time for Mr. Stiller. Now, however, we are ready once Mr. De Niro has finished his investigation to tell the truth about Baldwin and all his crimes.

Alec Baldwin has so far been uncharacteristically quiet on Twitter, but earlier had called out his former lawyer as a ‘weak man’ who was ‘only good in The Royal Tenenbaums and nothing else.’

Meanwhile the De Niro investigation continues and many close to the special prosecutor’s office say that he is now very interested in talking to anyone involved in what is being called the car parking conspiracy.

The case will continue in 2019.

AMA RECOGNISE WILL FERRELL SYNDROME

CHICAGO – Will Ferrell Syndrome has been recognised as an actual medical condition.

Dr. Roberto Coteeze of the American Medical Association declared today the Will Ferrell Syndrome would be classified as a recognized medical condition although the ‘pathology has not yet been fully defined.’

Will Ferrell Syndrome is a condition which seems to only affect very funny men who have made a promising start to their television careers (usually on Saturday Night Live) before moving onto Hollywood and five picture deals. In some cases, the progress of the syndrome is relatively slow, especially if actors confine themselves to character parts, but once they approach ‘family entertainment’ or ‘gross-out comedy’ they are doomed never to be funny again.

Will Ferrell – after whom the syndrome is named (Stiller Disease being an earlier option) – is a prime example. ‘He was great in Zoolander,’ says Dr. Coteeze, ‘but then came Land of the Lost and that was as funny as a teenager’s funeral.’

admitted to hospital

Other sufferers include Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Vigils are currently being held for Zach Galifianakis in hope that he too won’t succumb.

Flowers have been laid, songs sung.

NETFLIX TO REMAKE MONKEY WITH JADEN SMITH

HOLLYWOOD – Jaden Smith is to play Monkey in a Netflix produced remake of the cult Chinese TV show from the Eighties.

Jaden Smith is to take on the iconic role of Monkey in a Netflix remake of Monkey, the cult Chinese TV show. Jaden Smith told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I am so excited about this. I mean Monkey has his own cloud and he’s got a stick. I’m going to use my kung fu/Karate skills which Jackie Chan taught me in The Karate Kid.

The original show was actually a Japanese TV production though based on a Chinese novel and largely filmed in Chinese locations. It followed the adventures of the mischievous Monkey God (Smith) who must travel to India with Pigsy (Jonah Hill) and Sandy (Owen Wilson) in order to retrieve some ancient scriptures.

I’m so excited to do this because of the spiritual quest and of course I get the chance to fly on a cloud.

Monkey will drop in 2017.

OWEN WILSON’S NOSE ESCAPES

HOLLYWOOD – On all points alert has been put out for Owen Wilson’s nose, which escaped his face last night and is believed to be on its way to Mexico.

Owen Wilson – the star of Behind Enemy Lines and Night at the Museum 2 – has appealed to the public to help apprehend his nose, which yesterday escaped from his face and is believed to be heading for the southern border of the United States.

An emotional Wilson spoke briefly to the Studio Exec last night:

I can’t believe he’s gone. I mean, we were always so close. I owe him so much and I made sure that he had everything he needed, and for him to just run out on me like this… well, it’s the worst betrayal I’ve ever known. I mean I’ve heard of having a runny nose but this is ridiculous.

However, friends of Wilson’s nose have said that they were not surprised by the turn of events.

Owen Wilson has mistreated that nose more than any nasal appendage has been treated before. It gave him all his wonky quirky humor and he treated it in a way that was abusive.

Although the legal situation is unclear, the border police were on high alert and the hope that some kind of reconciliation was still high.

Owen Wilson’s Nose will be appearing in Run for your Wife on Broadway in October.

ZOOLANDER 3 GETS NEW POSTER

HOLLYWOOD – Zoolander 2 has only just come out but plans are already afoot for the closing film in Ben Stiller’s comedy trilogy: Zoolander 3: We Bought A Zoolander.

Ben Stiller leaked the new poster to the third entry of the Zoolander trilogy – Zoolander 8 – onto the internet today and the Studio Exec was there to mop up the new synopsis. The new film is to star Ben Stiller as Derek Zoolander as well as Owen Wilson as Hansel and Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson.

We’re huge fans of the Cameron Crowe picture We Bought a Zoo and for years I’ve wanted to do something that would be a homage to a film that has really influenced my career. I don’t think I would ever have had the nerve to have made Dodgeball or Tropic Thunder without the inspiration that Crowe has given me over the years.

Zoolander 3: We Bought a Zoolander is only the latest in what looks like a heavy year for We Bought a Zoo spin offs, with Matt Damon’s new Bourne film also taking the Cameron Crowe route of whimsy. Crowe himself is philosophical about the impact of his 2011 light family comedy.

I just make the film I want to make. If it is a huge success, I’m really pleased obviously and if filmmakers come back and say they’re influenced by it, then all the more. I know Terrence Malick is a huge fan and has for years been talking about a shot for shot remake. Although Stanley Kubrick died long before the film was released he also wrote in his diaries a synopsis for a film called ‘We Bought a Safari Park’ which sounds very similar to what I did. Tom Cruise (another fan) told me that Kubrick wanted to make it with him and Nicole after Eyes Wide Shut.

Other We Bought a Zoo spin offs in production include a Die Hard spin off and a Star Wars anthology film.

Zoolander 3: We Bought a Zoolander will be released in 2017. Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

ZOOLANDER 2 ACCUSED OF MODELPHOBIA

HOLLYWOOD – Ben Stiller comedy sequel Zoolander 2 has come under fire for its portrayal of supermodels.

Follow up comedy hit Zoolander 2 is in hot water today following accusations thee its portrayal of supermodels is ‘offensive and inrealistic’. Cara Delevingne and Kate Moss are only two of literally six supermodels who are furious with the way they’re profession is portrayed.

Cara told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

People say that we are supposed to be stupid just because we’re ridiculously good looking. But that’s so unfair. I was in Paper Towns and Kate Moss married Liam Gallagher, or was it Johnny Depp?

Justin Bieber also stood up for the supermodels of the world:

I think this kind of model-phobia is disgraceful. It’s like racism but worse because racism doesn’t have to put up with having to watch your weight and deal with really bad after parties.

In the film Ben Stiller plays Derek Zoolander a supermodel famous for his inability to pronounce words properly and for his trademark looks ‘magnum’, ‘Blue Steel’ and ‘Le Tigre’. Owen Wilson, who plays his best friend Hansel, was furious with the accusations.

This is absolute BS if you don’t mind me saying their chief. I know for a fact that some of my best friends are supermodels and although they’re certainly incredibly good looking they are none too bright upstairs and not one of them would deny that or even want to. The only reason Cara, Kate and Justin are angry is because they wanted to be in the movie and we forgot to call them.

But Justin Bieber is in the movie.

Is he? Oh well point proven!

But what about the argument that the film is transphobic in regard to Benedict Cumberbatch’s character?

Transphobic? Jesus. If you’re worried about a Ben Stiller comedy then I don’t know … Jeez.

Zoolander 2 will be released 12 February, 2016.

JOHNNY DEPP SIGNS ON FOR MR. BENN

HOLLYWOOD – Soon to be seen in Black Mass, Johnny Depp has also added a big screen adaptation to popular British children’s cartoon character Mr. Benn to his roster.

Following his more serious dramatic turn as real life gangster Whitey Bulger, Mr. Benn looks to be a return to Johnny Depp’s comfort zone of dressing up in different costumes.The BBC television program from the 1970s told the story of the eponymous character, a straight laced business man with a suit and bowler hat who occasionally left his house on 53 Festive Road to visit a costume shop. The shop and its fez wearing shopkeeper, however had magical properties and when Mr. Benn exits the changing room, he enters the world appropriate to the costume he has chosen. Created by David McKee, the show was a favorite of British children everywhere but only ran for two years. The film version will be directed by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson is rumored to be in talks to play the shopkeeper.

Johnny Depp spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

This is going to be my most autobiographical film to date. I am Mr. Benn. That’s my life. Dressing up and make believe, a fantasy world to which I escape and yet then cannot escape from.

So is it an analogy?

I don’t like Italian food.

Mr. Benn will be released in 2018.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT TRUE DETECTIVE 2

HOLLYWOOD – True Detective 2 is going to be hitting HBO in June but what do we really know about it?

Although we already have the facts about True Detective 1, we sent the Studio Exec FACT squad into the underbelly of the badlands to find FACTS out like a real detective, I mean a genuine detective, an authentic detective, or a true investigator to find out about True Detective 2.

1. Despite coming from an impeccable source, the casting news that Owen Wilson, Jim Carrey, Zach Galiafanakis and Jack Black feature in the series looks to be untrue, possibly a ‘spoof’ of some kind.

2. The confirmation of Vince Vaughn, however, like much of his work, is no laughing matter.

3. Although it’s called True Detective, the characters never actually existed, the story is based on Nic Pizzolatto’s brain squirts and the setting of Los Angeles is a fictional kingdom like Narnia. To add to the titular falsehood, there are actually no detectives in the show, just police officers.

4. Rachel McAdams is to play the woman, doing stuff and not just being naked or a whiney wife type as a way of solving some of the accusations of misogyny leveled at the first season. For the men, Colin Farrell has a moustache.

5. Although the new season of True Detective is not a continuation of the first season, Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are thought to have cameos to add some extra incomprehensibility.

For more FACTS click HERE.

TRUE DETECTIVE SEASON 2: VAUGHN AND WILSON CONFIRMED

HOLLYWOOD – The second season of True Detective will star Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in a surprise move announced by HBO for the hit show which will screen in June.

Show runner Nic Pizzolatto said the he was psyched to work with the two actors and had written the script with them very much in mind. He told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I know that we were talking about a lot of different actors and some other names were circulating recently – someone even said we should get that asshole from Alexander! Ha, but ever since I saw The Wedding Crashers I knew who the two most interesting American actors alive today were and I wanted to work with them. The Internship only confirmed my opinion further.

Can you tell us something about the story?

Yes. The tone will be different. I want to play to Vince and Owen’s strengths and I don’t want to retread old ground. So I’m making them two bachelor detectives. One is a bit of a lady’s man and a cynic, the other is a hopeless romantic always falling in love. They have to go undercover in a college where young girls have been hurt due to an illegal pillow fighting ring. Seth Rogen is penciled in to play the Sociology professor who masterminds the villainy, but that’s a spoiler so don’t print that.

Okay. The last show brought about the much talked about McConaissance. Is there any chance there will be Vaughnaissance? Or an Owensurrestion?

 Ha ha! No. I mean… No.

True Detective 2 will be broadcast June, 2015.

ISIS WELCOME ZOOLANDER 2

MOSUL – Islamic terrorist group ISIS have welcomed the news that Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are going to return for Zoolander 2.

The announcement of the Zoolander sequel came in the form of an appearance on the cat walk at Paris fashion week, when Stiller and Wilson in character as Hansel and Derek Zoolander had a walk off.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader and emir of ISIS, issued a statement on the internet within minutes of the confirmation that Zoolander 2 would begin filming soon.

We of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant are overjoyed – God be praised – at the return of Derek Zoolander and Hansel and the comedy that makes us all laugh. We hope – God willing – that there will also be celebrity cameos, featuring David Duchovny Billy Zane or Winona Ryder, who is still hot. We also demand that the Will Ferrell’s villainous fashion designer Mugatu also returns. His improv is priceless.

Exactly what the connection is between ISIS’ declared ambition of creating a universal caliphate and the 2001 comedy film is unclear, but we spoke to Middle East expert Merton Paul to find out:

ISIS has gone through some radical changes in the last few months. The leadership is surprised at the amount of success it has had with its reach now spreading all around the Mediterranean and into central Africa. There is always the danger when a group like this has such success that it will splinter. Zoolander 2 could not have come at a better time. All Jihadis love the original Zoolander. 98% of the population of the Arab world rate it as ‘way better than Meet the Parents’ in a recent poll. This will be used as a way of uniting what threatened to become a fragmented movement. For the leadership, Zoolander 2 could not have come at a better time.

Zoolander 2 will be released in 2016.

 

OWEN WILSON TO UNPURSE LIPS IN 2015

HOLLYWOOD – Actor and comic genius Owen Wilson is undergoing surgery that will permanently unpurse his lips by 2015.

Doctor Andrew Cardaydigan spokes EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

This is usually a very simple procedure, but Mr. Wilson unfortunately has been pursing his lips permanently ever since Bottle Rocket, Wes Anderson debut film from 1996. Since then his whole career has consisted of pursing his lips, although he did take a brief hiatus for Behind Enemy Lines, but no one actually saw that.

Is the procedure dangerous?

It shouldn’t be normally. No. But with Wilson, you see, all the muscles around his mouth, his jaw, even as far down to the muscles along his flank and groin, are braced to create this amazing expression like someone is about to sip a strong lemony drink through a straw. And those muscles because of this activity have become atrophied. There is a danger that his whole head could make a wet sucking noise and disappear into the chest so that only a shock of that lovable dirty straw mop top would be visible from what would be – admittedly – a gory neck hole.

F*ck!

Absolutely. But on the bright side, nothing can be as disgusting or abhorrent as Marley and Me.

Point taken.

Owen Wilson will next appear in True Detective Season 2 next to old pal Vince Vaughn. For more on that story click here. 

BEN STILLER SIGNS ON FOR CALL OF CTHULHU

HOLLYWOOD – Following the horror of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Ben Stiller has announced that his next film will be an intentional horror: an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s Call of Cthulhu.

The Meet the Fockers star has been a long-time Lovecraft aficionado and spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his new project:

Not since Tropic Thunder have I been so utterly psyched by a project. H.P. Lovecraft’s stories have freaked me out ever since I read them as a child and I have dreamed of bringing his weird and archaic visions of obsidian horror of the Old Ones to the big screen.

Many have tried and failed.

Indeed. Roger Corman had a crack at it but his versions were more an extension of his Edgar Allen Poe adaptations. And then Brian Yuzna had a crack, but he was again like he was actually using Lovecraft to explore his own weird sex stuff and blackly comic sensibility. And most recently Guillermo Del Toro has been battling to get the Mountains of Madness onto the screen.

So what is going to help you succeed?

With Walter Mitty and Tropic Thunder, although those films are nominally comedies, I really got into terrifying darkness of otherworldly strangeness. There were angles that seem unworldly and an eldritch stench and scratching that arose also from a knowledge of what it is like to be close to Ricky Gervais. In fact Ricky Gervais and Owen Wilson are both in the film, but they reveal depths to their own gnawing fear that has hitherto been suspected but never witnessed by human minds, at least not ones that haven’t been driven stark raving mad and now confined in the mossy depths of the Arkham Asylum.

The Call of Cthulhu will be released in 2016.

AWARDS SEASON TO BLAME FOR DROP IN FILM PRODUCTION

HOLLYWOOD – The major Studios have come out in a united front to combat the menace of Awards Season, which they say is severely hampering actual film production.

An insider at Fox said, ‘We just can’t get films made at the moment. It starts in November and goes all the way through to February and it’s non-stop.’

A colleague from Universal agreed:

We’re constantly fighting to get actors to clear their schedules. Matthew McConaughey, since the McConaughey-eissance, is impossible to get on the line. Ditto Tom Hanks. And it isn’t just actors, Alfonso Cuarón took seven years to make Gravity, but it’ll be another  seven years before he gets onto his next film, he’s so busy walking around collecting gongs for this one. 

Paramount also butted in:

Why can’t everyone be like Woody Allen? NO, not in THAT way! I mean… Oh Jesus. When Ronan Farrow sees this, he’s going to Twi-zerk. 

Independent analysts, however, responded that although there is a definite drop in production over this period, the Studios easily make up for the losses by churning out material that will never bother the attention of the Academy. An insider backed up this conclusion with the observation:

Around this time of year, there’s always a drop off and people are wandering around the back lots a bit with nothing to do. Except for Vince Vaughn, Adam Sandler, Owen Wilson and Kevin James. Those boys just keep their heads down and knock out hit after hit after hit of un-award-worthy bilge.

For more Oscars coverage CLICK HERE.