OUT OF THE FURNACE: REVIEW

OUT OF THE FURNACE: REVIEW – Beardy Bruce Wayne works in the steel mill from the Deer Hunter and looks after his brother, the coward Robert Ford, who has come back from Iraq with his Hurt Locker full only to become the least likely bare knuckle boxer since… well, ever.

However, things take a turn for the worst when in an attempt to settle his debt with Jesus Christ, the coward Robert Ford decides to fight for Woody from Cheers up in Deliverance land.


Ever since Winter’s Bone, film makers have been trying to remake it, but with boys and this is a solid enough effort. The acting is its strength, the ensemble manage to keep the melodramatic overdrive grounded despite the over-egged pudding of psychopaths, alcoholism, gangsters, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, drunk driving, parental death, love triangles, murder, pregnancy and revenge. There’s also a scene with a kitchen sink. 

The clichés come thick and fast – the hunter NOT shooting the deer (cf. Deer Hunter again) – but it is testament to the talent involved that I didn’t scream at the screen too loudly.

CHRISTIAN BALE ARRESTED FOR HAVING ‘A CRUEL FACE’

HOLLYWOOD – Christian Bale was arrested in the early hours of this morning and charged with being in possession of a cruel face, according to officers of the LAPD.

He was apprehended while walking alone in the vicinity of the hotel where he was allegedly staying. An LAPD statement read:

A 39 year old Caucasian male was stopped by officers at approximately 2 AM Monday morning. When questioned the man replied politely that he ‘was taking the air’, but the officers on closer inspection decided that the man was in possession of a ‘cruel face, that looked like it would be scary to wake up beside.’

Various law enforcement agencies have begun to clamp down on  dead eyed expressions and people with sardonic smiles, as well as the usual suspects: ‘eyes too close together’, ‘face I want to slap’ and ‘looking funny’. It is believed Christian Bale fell into cruel face category. Face expert Jonty Piers said:

Bale looks like the kind of man who makes love in silence, emitting the occasional thin giggle. He probably watches It’s a Wonderful Life dry-eyed from start to finish. I’m not saying he’s a cruel man. I’m just saying his face looks like it belongs to a cruel man. 

Christian Bale will most likely get let off with caution, although if he is charged, then fully expect a Bale Bailed headline in the next few hours. 

American Hustle and Out of the Furnace both feature Christian Bale’s cruel face.