The Studio Exec has gained exclusive access to the diaries of veteran thespian Sir Edwin Fluffer. Here we are proud to present selected highlights from his many lows of 2014…
Mar 1st Kirk Douglas phoned: he’s got us a cinematographer for Baby Jane, and it’s none other than Oswald Morris! I haven’t seen old Ossie since I presented him with the Academy Award for Fiddler on the Roof. Hope he’s forgotten that I spilt my drink down his wife’s dress. It cost me $37 to get it dry cleaned.
Mar 17th Had some sad news today: Oswald Morris has died. I remember when we worked together on Oliver! It was Ossie who suggested to the director that I should stand right at the back and not say anything. James Mason said it was some of the best work I’d ever done, and I have Ossie to thank for that.
Mar 28th Got the new script for this bloody Star Wars thing I’ve got myself muddled up in. I’ll be voicing this robot which spins along like a football, and there’s a love scene with someone called C3P0. I can’t believe that anyone will want to see it.
Apr 1st Just got off the phone to Kirk Douglas: Mickey Rooney has agreed to do Baby Jane! I’m hoping he’ll do the funny voice again, because that was easily the best thing about Breakfast At Tiffany’s. I think one of the Hepburns was in that too. Can’t remember which one, but I got the set if you know what I mean!
Apr 6th Dear old Mickey Rooney’s died. It was thanks to him that I got my big break in Apache Chaps! There was a scene where Rooney’s character had to open a tin of biscuits but they were on a high shelf and poor Mickey just couldn’t reach them. Ever the trouper he went for another take and tried it on tip toes, but it was still no good. But Mickey’s loss was my gain and the rest as they say is history. I think they were custard creams.
Apr 18th Sat next to lovely Russell Crowe at the Noah premiere and when I woke up again at the end he said all my scenes had been cut! I thought they would’ve at least kept in the line when I told Noah ‘you can’t park that thing here’, but the studio were desperate to get it down to under three and a half hours and yours truly ended up on the cutting room floor. It’s Apocolypse Now all over again. And Laurence of Arabia. And Gone With The Wind.
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