HARRY STYLES RELEASES DUNKIRK ALBUM

LONDON – Former One Direction singer Harry Styles will release a Dunkirk tribute album, featuring wartime classics.

Harry Styles won praise for his understated performance in Christopher Nolan’s new film Dunkirk. But now he has done one better, releasing an album of his favorite wartime classics. The album features thirteen songs handpicked by Styles all coming from the 1940s. Sitting on the Dock of the Bay, later covered by Otis Redding, was actually written during the evacuation of 400,000 British soldiers from the beaches of northern France.

A statement by the singer reads:

In preparing for my role in Dunkirk, I first did a lot of research into the period. And to get into the mood I’d listen to a lot of songs. Things like Vera Lynn and Glen Miller. But apart from these very famous artists, I also found lots of people I’d never heard of. The amazing Spanner Brother who sang their famous ‘How to fix an engine’ songs. Rotten Johnny, the ukulele player from Newcastle who inspired Johnny Lydon, with such beautiful ditties as ‘I need a shit (Desperately)’ and ‘I’ve a Tanner (Have you got a fag)’. I want this album to be my small tribute to that generation. And introduce some of this wonderful music to the youth.

Harry Styles Sings Songs Inspired by the Motion Picture Dunkirk is now available on iTunes and from all good record shops.

NO ONE DIRECTION SONGS IN DUNKIRK TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The first trailer for Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk dropped, disappointing many One Direction fans.

The trailer for Christopher Nolan’s first foray into comedy Dunkirk hit the internet today. However, One Direction fans felt a little disappointed that the soundtrack didn’t give a taste of any new One Direction material. Christopher Nolan told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that fans shouldn’t panic:

Look, we haven’t put any songs in the trailer. Neither have we given the whole story away in the trailer either, or all the lines. We want to hold something back. And the One Direction songs, which will include a cover of Rio by Duran Duran, exist as an integral part of the story.

However, One Directioners everywhere, or 1Ders, or 1 D1rect1oners or… well them, fumed across internet message boards. Joey1dLover wrote:

This is bullsh1t!

Another one – Another1Done – wrote:

Shitty bull balls and horse’s piss flaps. Who are all these soldiers and why did Harry have to cut his ha1r?

The film set for a summer release tells the story of the retreat and evacuation of the British army from the beaches of France in 1940. It stars Tom Hardy, Kenneth Branagh, Cillian Murphy, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Naill Horan, Liam Payne and Mark Rylance. Though rumors of an appearance by Zayn Malik remain unconfirmed.

Dunkirk will be released in 2017.

TERRENCE MALICK’S NEW FILM INSPIRED BY SON ZAYN MALIK

HOLLYWOOD – Terrence Malick’s new film The Singer Stepped Out is directly influenced by the career of his son Zayn Malik who recently left the ‘pop’ group One Direction.

The garrulous filmmaker and director of such films as The Thin Red Line and The Tree of Life Terrence Malick is to make a new film based on his son Zayn Malik’s singing career. Malick spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the venture:

It is going to be unlike anything I’ve ever done before. It’s not going to have a voice-over! And it’s actually a musical. But all that aside, it’s just great to have an opportunity to work with Zayn after years of being estranged.

What was the cause of the estrangement?

Well, I have always been a genius film director, but I guess I wasn’t always the best father in the world. I used to whisper a lot to him about nature and the soul and I guess kids just want to play Nintendo and have fun. For a while there he was very angry. So much so he even changed the way he spelled his name to a new trendy fashion without the ‘c’, but his career took off and we would find ourselves booked on the same talk shows.

Who had the idea?

We both came to a juncture in our careers. To the Wonder and Knight of Cups were greeted by audiences with the same warmth as you’d get offering urine samples in champagne flutes. Zayn had left One Direction and was at a loose end and we got talking about his career and we said why not? I think it’s going to be groovy to see our two audiences come together. Many of whom don’t even know we’re related. Zayn will play himself and Val Kilmer is on board to play Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling is playing Natalie Portman and Natalie Portman is playing Christian Bale. Mickey Rourke, Rachel Weisz and Adrien Brody are in it as well but we’ll cut them out. We always do. It’s kind of a tradition

Will any other One Direction members participate in the film?

That sack of talentless shits! No way.

The Singer Stepped Out will be released in 2019.

ONE DIRECTION TO STAR IN HEAD REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Boy band of the moment One Direction are to star in a remake of The Monkees’ film Head.

One Direction (Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson) will star in the film which will also feature their greatest hits along with covers from the original Monkees soundtrack and will be directed by Morgan Spurlock, who previously directed their documentary This is Us. The original 1968 film was written by Jack Nicholson and starred Micky Dolenz, Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork and Davy Jones as the eponymous group in what was seen as a psychedelic deconstruction of their own Beatles wannabe fame.

Morgan Spurlock explained when he visited the Studio Exec bungalow earlier today:

The Monkees’ Head is one of the most subversive music films ever made. At the height of their fame the Monkees not only bit the hand that fed them, they tore it off at the shoulder. The lads and I talked about doing a film again because we enjoyed the first one so much but we all agreed we didn’t want to do another documentary or concert movie and so this film came up in our discussions and we decided it would be a perfect fit.

One Direction’s Head  will be released in 2016.

CLICKBAIT: THE MOVIE TO STAR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

HOLLYWOOD – Benedict Cumberbatch is the latest star to sign up for Clickbait: the Movie, which combines the Marvel, DC and Star Wars universes featuring the music of One Direction.

The movie – directed by Twin Peaks director David Lynch and Steven Spielberg – is based on a George RR Martin‘s lost book in his Game of Thrones saga. The large cast features Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Stewart, Tom Hiddleston, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Hardy, Johnny Depp, Matthew McConaughey, Angelina Jolie, Michael Fassbender, Christian Bale, Jared Leto, Gywneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt. George Clooney is in talks but Bruce Jenner looks set to take on his role. The official synopsis reads:

Based on the life of Justin Bieber,  Miley Cyrus and the 5 most outrageous facts, you’ve ever heard about anything, Clickbait: the Movie was originally conceived when a twelve year old asked Noam Chomsky and Stephen Hawking what is the meaning of life. You won’t believe what happened next!

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Rihanna! Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr!

ClickBait: The Movie will be released in 2018.

HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Liam Neeson is to complete a quadrology of board game based films with the release of Hungry Hungry Hippos to be released next year.

The Irish actor and Taken star spoke EXCLUSIVELY about the project with The Studio Exec:

It doesn’t seem like yesterday that we were talking about Operation and Battling Tops. After I decided to make those two films my agent called me up and said ‘Liam you’re not going to believe this but they’re after making a film of Hungry Hungry Hippos’. Well, I said ‘Stop the clock! I want it Barney. I want the gig. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my whole life!’

Why were you so passionate about it?

You see when I was a lad growing in in Ireland, I used to play Hungry Hungry Hippos with my cousins while the adults were all getting ripped off their arses on the porter and singing songs of the famine. I had many a happy memory of that game so it they’re going to make a film of it I want to be involved so that I know they’ll do it right.

What’s the story?

I play Brian McHare, an explorer in the African Congo at the turn of the century. I’m hoping to discover a passage but in the meanwhile there are these diamond smugglers who are looking to kill the local natives and do away with the treasure. We all fall in together and that’s when we come across the titular Hungry Hungry Hippos. have you seen Jaws?

Yes. 

Of course you have. Well, it’s like that, but with hippopotami. And in the jungle. Ridley Scott’s going to direct it. Denzel Washington is playing the fiendish diamond smuggler and One Direction – in their first dramatic film roles – are playing the innocent African villagers.

But aren’t they…

I know but Ridley wants to make a point.

Hungry Hungry Hippos will be released in 2016. 

MORGAN SPURLOCK BEGINS SUPER DINE ME

NEW YORK – Documentary maker and One Directioner Morgan Spurlock first made his name with the fast food documentary Super Size Me and now he is back with a sequel Super Dine Me in which he will be going to a top restaurant every day and eating the best thing on the menu.

Spurlock explained exclusively to the Studio Exec:

The idea is to look at the impact on our health of fine dining and how eating really, really delicious food in beautiful surroundings has effected our cultural life. Our rules are simple. I always have what the chef recommends and I’m hoping my comedy doctor will also give us some hilarious comments and facial expressions as he looks askance on the whole project. 

As well as eating foi gras, masa toro with caviar and drinking champagne, Spurlock will also be putting himself on the front line by sleeping in the most expensive suites of luxury hotels. 

The idea came to me when I was making the One Direction film. I just kept thinking to myself, what am I going to do with all this money? And this was the answer.

Super Dine Me will be released in 2015.

SAMUEL L. JACKSON TO STAR IN CRONENBERG’S ‘SUPER FLY’











HOLLYWOOD – Actor and all round loveable guy Samuel L. Jackson, has signed up to take the lead role in David Cronenberg’s movie mash-up Super Fly.

Set between the events of The Fly (1988) and The Fly II (1989). Jackson will play the character of Luscious Jones. A pimp and coke dealer who stumbles upon the teleportation equipment abandoned by Dr Seth Brundle after his unfortunate demise. In a drug fuelled haze Jones decides to turn on the machine which results in his DNA becoming spliced with that of a common house fly.

Back on the street and feeling the heat. Luscious runs into his old foe Pepper Joe. A rival pimp who wants in on his action. They fight, Pepper wins and Joe ends up in traction. In the hospital bed he’s out cold for a week. He wakes up and say’s “Doc. Just how long did I sleep?”. The doctor say’s “Lush. You was seven days gone. Your arm is all broke and your back is all wrong. But that ain’t it all and I don’t want to lie. Your heads been replaced by the head of a fly!”

Jones looks at himself. He’s a vain kinda guy. Then he shrugs and say’s “ F*ck. I’m a good looking fly”. Then he puts on his suit and he loads up his piece. “Tell my bitches i’m coming. They shall be released!”

With a soundtrack featuring the likes of James Brown, Curtis Mayfield and One Direction. Super Fly has all the makings of being the retro sci-fi horror blaxplotation film we have all been waiting for.

Super Fly is due for release in 2013.

MORGAN SPURLOCK TO REMAKE SPICE WORLD

LONDON – Mogran Spurlock is to remake Spice World. 

Famed documentarian and ginger Zapata-impersonator Morgan Spurlock announced this morning that he would be remaking Spice World, the 1997 ‘comedy’ which sought to give Simon Cowell’s other noxious creation The Spice Girls even more money taken directly from the pockets of impressionable children who don’t know better.

Morgan Spurlock – who is currently directing the One Direction concert film as a way of ‘getting in the mood’ – said:

All my films basically start off as terrible ideas. I have this terrible idea like eating only McDonalds for a month – Super Size Me – or catching Osama Bin Laden – Where on the Earth is Osama Bin Laden? – or going to comic-con – and then I make a movie of it. Now, what could be a worse idea than remaking Spice World, a film that was irrelevant even before it was made.  

Spurlock has yet to approach any of the members of the original group or secure rights, but he says that will all be part of the finished picture. Some, however, have criticised Spurlock as a brainless chancer whose first name would be more accurate if it was shy of one M.


What do you think? Would you like to be in their gang?

Spice World will be released in 2017.