5 THINGS THAT WENT WRONG WITH VINYL

NEW YORK – The new HBO show Vinyl is awful, but why?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad into the heart of the music business to find out what went wrong with the Martin Scorsese, Terrence Winter and Mick Jagger drama.

  1. Martin Scorsese, Terrence Winter and Mick Jagger are too in love with their subject. What should be the background to the drama – the music – is actually foregrounded. The drama of Richie Finestra (Bobby Cannavale) and his wife Devon (Olivia Wilde) is so uninteresting that the show runners have no compunction in interrupting whatever is happening with a beautifully shot but essentially irrelevant music video. When the artists aren’t interested in their own characters, how can we expect the audience to give a shit?
  2. The building collapse that ended the way too long pilot might have happened in reality – read about the true story here – but if God was a screenwriter I would have fired him. It was a lazy grab at a visually interesting WTF! moment which beggared belief and gave the feeling that Terrence Winter had decided he didn’t have a kitchen sink to throw at the pilot, but he’d throw anything else he could lay his hands on.
  3. Famous people clutter the scene. Vinyl is set in the hay day of the seventies as punk begins to rear its dirty head on the horizon. The legendary groups such as Led Zeppelin and Jethro Tull are about to give way to the New York Dolls and The Stranglers, The Sex Pistols and The Clash. The cultural shift takes place in episode two. But we also get to see The Velvet Underground in flashback. This is essentially the same arc as Mad Men, but whereas advertising features famous brands rather than people, the constant name dropping and cameos of rock gods and punk godfathers is distracting and kind of irritating. I’ve seen the documentary footage of Led Zeppelin’s famously incendiary manager yelling backstage and it was better than the glimpse we had.
  4. The Seventies. Sorry to mention Mad Men again, but that shows pristine production design was entirely in keeping with the shiny lines of its historical moment. In comparison Vinyl looks to CD or MP3. It’s too glossy. The women are millennial beauties; the musicians are talent show handsome. The punk band look like Coldplay cosplaying punk. In fact this whole venture feels like a very expensive, dramatically arid cosplay.
  5. Enough of the Don Draper shit already. US TV has been dominated now for years by protagonists who are all powerful men who do bad shit but we end up rooting for them regardless. From Tony Soprano and Walter White, to whoever Steve Buscemi was playing in Boardwalk Empire and Don Draper, so Richie is another such. His back story demands we take him seriously as the genuine article, but he is essentially another male power fantasy, surrounded by assholes – the Germans in the Polygram subplot has to go down as the easiest kowtowing to audience prejudice ever – who gets to be at the center of things. Like with Don Draper, we are supposed to respect the machinations and ‘creative genius’ of someone who is basically a business executive. He’s honest about ripping off the artists, but we’re supposed to like him. The musicians are seen as feckless dandies who need forming by the solid acumen of Richie. This is the Steve Jobs version of history and as much as I admire the promotion of Executives as ‘the unacknowledged legislators of mankind’, answer me this. If they were so all powerful, why did they put up with Ray Romano’s supremely irritating voice?

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OLIVIA WILDE CONFESSES: ‘I’M FROM ANOTHER PLANET’

HOLLYWOOD – Film actress and political activist Olivia Wilde finally admitted today that she comes from another planet, ending years of speculation that about the Drinking Buddies actress’ extraterrestrial origins.

She told shocked delegates at a meeting of PETA: ‘I’m a Vegan.’

The astonished audience broke into confused applause. One onlooker who wasn’t astonished was noted Alien Watcher, Sybil Stokes:

I’ve had my eye on Wilde for some time. I believe that every actor/actress confesses to their alien origins in their choice of film roles. They can’t help it. Aliens are so up themselves. Look at John Travolta in Battlefield Earth or better still: don’t. ‘Olivia Wilde’ has played an alien in Cowboys and Aliens and a weird computer thing in Tron Legacy.

The planet Vega is part of the Sirius solar system and has been known to support potentially intelligent life for years. Vegans, who have come to our planet via a series of ‘space tubes’, assume humanoid form, but give themselves away via their weird eyes and the way they refuse to eat meat, fish, eggs and dairy products, which badly effect their alien digestive system.  

Lazarus will be released in 2015.

DRINKING BUDDIES: REVIEW

DRINKING BUDDIES: REVIEW – As everyone knows, Men are form Mars and Venus is from… Vagina? I’m not sure I got that right.

Anyhow, the chick from Cowboys and Aliens and the dude who miraculously has refrained from murdering New Girl Zooey Deschanel for however many seasons are together in the first male female bro-mance Drinking Buddies, directed by Joe Swanberg and set in a small brewery. Both Kate (Olivia Wilde) and Luke (Jake Johnson) have significant others, but their obvious attraction for each other, their matey banter and occasional physical intimacy looks set to blur boundaries and pigeons cat among the … put.  Neither one of them are ready to fully commit and there’s a kidulthood vibe going on, with Luke and his hipster beard (disgracefully not featured on the poster) and permanent cap, and Kate’s kooky one of the boys good humor. What begins as essentially lightweight mumblecore becomes something altogether more engaging as a result of the genuine chemistry between the leads. Not since Lost in Translation has the frisson that comes with not coming together been so effectively sustained.  Avoiding melodrama, keeping the scale small and the focus tight, Drinking Buddies is a brilliant portrait of intimacy and friendship and problems attendant.  

For more Romantic Films with no f*cking Click Here.