STEVEN SODERBERGH RETIRES FROM FILM MAKING FOREVER (AGAIN)

HOLLYWOOD – Lucky Logan director Steven Soderbergh has retired from film making forever again.

Speaking to the Studio Exec, Ocean’s 11 director Steven Soderbergh once more quits directing feature films for good. In an EXCLUSIVE interview, he said:

I’ve had it (again). I want to write novels, or paint or something. I hear curved stitching is very therapeutic.

What’s curved stitching?

It’s when you create lovely patterns with thread through a canvas via holes or pins or something. I don’t actually know, but it’s meant to be great.

Why have you quit again?

I don’t know. It’s just something I like doing every three years or so. I quit and give a bunch of interviews. Then I do TV. Like The Knick. Then I do movies, but for TV like Behind the Candelabra. Then I go back to doing movies. And then I quit.

Aren’t you worried people will get bored?

People like to have a break from me now and then. They think I’m great when I make Ocean’s 11, then I make Ocean’s 12 and 13. They like Solaris then I go Haywire, literally. You’ll see.  A little break from me as I quit forever, never to return, no not ever. And I’ll be back in six months with a new movie. But for now, I’ll never make another movie ever again.

Steven Soderbergh’s Curved Stitching will be released in 2018.

OCEAN’S EIGHT RUINS MAN’S EARLY MIDDLE AGE

ALASKA – The new female led Oceans film – Ocean’s Eight – has ruined a man’s early middle age, it was revealed today.

The 2017 remake of the 2001 remake of the 1960 Frank Sinatra relatively uninspired rat pack movie Ocean’s Eight will star Sandra Bullock in the Danny Ocean role as well as Cate Blanchett, Helena Bonham Carter and Mindy Kalin. Joining the cast will possibly be Rihanna and Anne Hathaway. However, the news has been greeted with despair by some fans of the original remake.

Richard LeComte Mets fan and theatre critic told the Studio Exec:

I was forty three when the original film came out. I remember queuing to see it with my first wife. We both like George Clooney and Brad Pitt for obviously different reasons. And we thought of Matt Damon as that promising young actor from Good Will Hunting and not the monster he has become. So the impact on my middle age can’t be overstated. It was vitally important in making me the man I would become a decade and a half later. And to have that film ruined again. After it was already ruined by Ocean’s 12 and 13 is just more than I can bear. I mean… women. What’s gotten into them?

Ocean’s Eight will be in cinemas in 2017.