VINCE VAUGHN TO STAR IN REMAKE OF KINDERGARTEN COP

HOLLYWOOD – Vince Vaughn is to star in a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic Kindergarten Cop.

The news came following an infamous GQ interview in which True Detective Season 2 star, Vince Vaughn revealed his forthright opinions on firearms. He dropped in to the Studio Exec Bungalow to explain his thinking on the issue of gun violence and the second amendment.

What I said in that interview put the cat among the pigeons. I don’t really know why. I like guns, Brad Pitt likes guns, Steven Spielberg likes guns. You throw a rock in the rich part of Hollywood and you’ll hit someone who likes guns. Then you’ll be shot by someone who likes guns. So on second thoughts, don’t throw rocks in Hollywood!

How did this lead you onto the Kindergarten Cop remake?

My argument was that if people had guns in schools then that would put an end to school shootings because there would be the ability for the kids etc to return fire. But the idea of kids and teachers and what not having guns in schools is a cultural oddity, it’s just something we’re not used to seeing outside of a massacre, so I wanted to make a picture that would feature me as a lovable rogue cop who has to go undercover in a kindergarten to bust a drugs ring…

How did a…?

Shhh… and I have all these guns and me and the kids defend the school. Imagine Assault on Precinct 13 meets Home Alone, but with the guy from Dodgeball.

Wow!

I know. But although this will be a knock about shoot ’em up comedy, it’s also going to have a serious political message, NRA approved.

Kindergarten Cop Genisys will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

NRA GETS OSCAR CATEGORY

HOLLYWOOD – The National Rifle Association (NRA) to get its own Oscar category at the upcoming Motion Picture Academy Awards.

The decision came following a marked increase in movies with firearms featuring prominently. John Wick, Taken 3 and American Sniper all use gun play as an essential element of the narrative, stated a  spokesperson for the NRA.

You can see that we’re winning the argument all across America. Guns have never been more popular or more beloved. Look at the success of American Sniper! Box office records shot to pieces. And Oscar nominations up the wahtoosie! Whereas The Lego Movie… where were the guns in that piece of shit?

But that was a kids’ film?

So what? Kids love guns and they even love to fire them.  Under proper supervision obviously. Not just stealing mom’s gun. That’d be wrong.

The category will be called ‘Most Imaginative Use of Guns in a Motion Picture’.

The nominations this year are:

John Wick

Taken 3

American Sniper

Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For

Still Alice

For more Oscars, click here.

NRA DEMAND REMAKE OF KINDERGARTEN COP

Wayne La Pierre












DALLAS – The National Rifle Association today issued a call for the 1990 Ivan Reitman ‘comedy’ Kindergarten Cop to be remade, ‘but this time with many more guns.’ The original film featured Arnold Schwarzenegger as tough cop John Kimble who has to go undercover in a kindergarten for some reason or other, with ‘hilarious’ results ensuing, plus lessons being learnt.

The NRA published its demand for Hollywood to step up to the plate after a few days earlier its call for a Chuck Norris in ever classroom fell on deaf ears (click here for that story). Industry expert Pullton Pulliver said that the chances of a Kindergarten Cop remake are fairly slim: ‘Film makers are more likely to try and take guns out of their films rather than put them in. But aside from Wayne La Pierre, who really wants to see another Ivan Reitman/Arnold Schwarzenegger comedy?’

NRA ‘A CHUCK NORRIS FOR EVERY SCHOOL’

La Pierre opens mouth

DALLAS – Today the National Rifle Association vice president Wayne La Pierre called for an immediate implementation of what he referred to as the Expendables 2 solution in response to the tragedy in Newtown last week: ‘A Chuck Norris in each school,’ he said.


‘Imagine if you will a world in which psychopaths roam the streets looking for easy targets,’ he said. ‘The bank is guarded, and the politicians. Even sports events. But schools are famous for never having Chuck Norris anywhere near them. We could put Chuck in one school, Arnie in another. I can’t do mornings, but sheet, I’d help out on the odd afternoon with my pair of gattling guns.’
Chuck Norris has already agreed to do Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but not Tuesday and Thursday because he has Zumba.
La Pierre said, ‘Look at Fort Hood. If only there’d been armed guards protecting the… oh wait that’s not a good example. Let me … erm . ..Look at Columbine. Okay there was an armed guard at Columbine now I remember it. Well, back to Newtown. If the teachers… wait where did he get the gun from? Oh his mom? and she was…a teacher? Well, my point is: when is Chuck Norris not the answer? On that we can all agree.’