NETFLIX WIN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

STOCKHOLM – Entertainment streaming service Netflix today won the Nobel Peace Prize, beating off (but not violently) stiff competition from human rights protesters and Pakistani school girls.

The Academy decided to award the prestigious Prize as a direct response to the selflessness and sacrifice of the business in diminishing the violence perpetrated on the public. Academy Chair Olaf Spatt told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Netflix has given Adam Sandler a deal to make four films which will be distributed exclusively by  Netflix. This means that the public can go to the cinema without fear of accidentally seeing an Adam Sandler comedy such as Grown Ups 2 or Jack and Jill. And it will protect the weak-minded who might even believe that some of these comedies ‘are not that bad’.

Netflix joins James Franco who the other day won everything and who will share the Peace Prize.

JAMES FRANCO WINS NOBEL PRIZE FOR EVERYTHING

STOCKHOLM – Film director, actor, painter, novelist, poet and co-star of Spider-man 2,  James Franco has swept the board at the Nobel Prizes, the Swedish and Norwegian Academy announced earlier today.

The Academy stated that the award which is usually divided into the Peace Prize and various Sciences, including ‘economic science’, had been awarded to James Franco ‘in recognition of his outstanding mastery of all fields of art, culture, science, performance, politics and life.’

In the past we have had some infamous omissions – Mahatma Gandhi being the most obvious. He was nominated for the Peace Prize but was assassinated before he could be awarded. To see that Gandhi didn’t get a Nobel Peace Prize and Henry Kissinger, or for that matter Barack ‘Drone’ Obama did, beggars belief and brings into disrepute the committee. It was with this in mind that the Academy decided to play it safe with Franco. If we had only given him one prize, the world would have been outraged by the exclusion of all the others so we got really drunk one night and someone shouted, ‘What the hell! Let’s give him the lot!’

James Franco responded to the news with ‘surprise and delight’:

I’d like to say I’m humbled, but with these cheek bones, that’s just not going to happen.

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