OLIVER STONE OVERDOSES ON CONSPIRACY

HOLLYWOOD – Oliver Stone rushed to hospital with a suspected overdose of conspiracy.

Filmmaker Oliver Stone was rushed to hospital last night following a suspected conspiracy overdose. Fortunately this morning he was well enough to talk to the Studio Exec via one of those voice scramblers serial killers use when they taunt the police:

Hey Exec! How’s it going?

Good. How are you Oliver?

I’ve been better. This is a dark period for me. Trump is in the White House. Hillary Clinton is in the woods. The FBI and the NSA are testifying in a hearing. The chairman of the hearing is running round to the White House to tell the President what’s going on. Thereby sabotaging his own hearing. It’s dark times indeed.

Is it as bad as when you directed Alexander?

Let’s not go over the top. It’s bad but nothing can compare to Colin Farrell in a tunic.

So what happened?

As you know I’ve been someone who has been interested in secret machinations of power all my life. Whether it’s Nixon or JFK, or producing my Secret History of the USA documentary. But this stuff is the good stuff. I’ve never mainlined something so pure before. You have Russians, Wikileaks, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin. And I haven’t mentioned Jeff Sessions and Michael Flynn. Or the Christopher Steele dossier or the fact that the Russians mentioned have started dropping like flies. Flies that have been shot and poisoned. Goddamn this stuff is powerful.

Are you going to make a film about it?

I’d love to, but who will believe it. I mean, we’re watching it unfold right now in front of our eyes and we don’t believe. I guess you could just watched Natural Born Killers again. That pretty much sums it all up.

What do you think is going to happen?

I don’t know. The doctors have prescribed that I watch nothing but Sesame Street for a year.

But Trump’s budget is going to cancel that.

Motherfucker!

Oliver Stone’s Secret History of the United States of America Volume Ten Trumped Up will be released in 2018.

NICOLAS CAGE TO PLAY RONALD REAGAN

WASHINGTON – Nicolas Cage has confirmed he will be playing Ronald Reagan in Oliver Stone’s Reagan.

Jessica Biel is rumored to be on board for the role of the First Lady Nancy.

Cage stated that he looked forward to the challenges of the role:

Ronald Reagan is a giant figure in our recent political history and he represented both the good and the bad in our culture. Many still look upon him as a hero who won the Cold War and led America through difficult times. Oliver has a different take on it and it’ll be interesting to see what comes out.

Stone said that his version of Reagan would be that of a dangerous right wing demagogue whose early stage dementia proved a security risk throughout his second term.

I’ve been making films about Presidents now for years,’ the mono-browed maverick belched. ‘JFK, W and Nixon were all received as the definitive word on each incumbent. I’ll finish Reagan and next year I want to go straight into a back to back production of Carter and Clinton.

Asked what made him cast Cage, Stone laughed, ‘Well, of course Reagan himself was a lousy actor and so I thought why not get a lousy actor to play him. No but seriously that is the reason.’

Reagan will be released in 2016.