QUEEN RESIGNS FOLLOWING BREXIT

LONDON – The monarch of the Uited Kingdom Queen Elizabeth II has resigned following the Brexit vote.

The Queen’s resignation – or abdication as she prefers to call it – came in the wake of what has been a shocking ten days following the referendum vote that saw a slim majority opt to leave the European Union.

Prime Minister David Cameron, Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage of UKIP and Chris Evans of Top Gear have all stepped down from their positions of power, citing incapacity, unpopularity, cowardliness or stupidity for their various reasons. Buckingham Palace issued a short statement to the BBC with the news of the departure of the aging monarch:

The Queen has decided to step down following the vote to leave the European Union. She feels that Britain is no longer the place for her family (who are German) or her husband (who is Greek). They will be enjoying their retirement in Spain, alongside the one million British citizens who also reside there.

The comedy Brexit continues next week.

GAME OF THRONES WRITERS FLOWN TO UK TO REWRITE REFERENDUM

LONDON – The team that brought you Game of Thrones are being flown into Great Britain in an attempt to rewrite the EU referendum as the country slides into chaos.

Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are flying to the UK by the British Government in a last ditch effort to rewrite the last five days of UK storyline. David Cameron announced the decision this morning, having watched the last episode of Season 6 of Game of Thrones.

I got the idea after having watched the episode and thinking how good it was to see Jon Snow alive again. In fact, the boys have done a magnificent job of putting their heroes in some terrible predicaments and then at the last minute getting them out of their scrapes. I don’t know what they will suggest: it could be a red wedding or the birth of dragons, but frankly anything is better than letting the Tory Hordor, Boris Johnson loose.

The move was welcomed by many in the country who have come to regret their voting to leave the EU and many in Europe have called on Brussels to slow the process while it is seen what the Game of Thrones writers come up with. Leader of UKIP Nigel Farage said that the move was without precedent and unpatriotic. He, however, did say that he would support a move to get George RR Martin involved:

He would come up with a plot where all your favorite people are killed and as I’m not anyone’s favorite, I think I’d be pretty safe.

However, it was revealed that George RR Martin was already in London writing the script for the Labour Party.

More news as it comes in.

BRITAIN TO HOLD THE PURGE REFERENDUM

LONDON – Following the success of the Brexit campaign, The United Kingdom Independence Party is proposing a new referendum to introduce the Purge as an annual measure.

The United Kingdom Independence Party (or UKIP) has announced a new referendum to introduce the Purge. Party leader Nigel Farage spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec:

I saw the film The Purge and I said, ‘where’s my pad and pen? These are some good ideas.’ The idea would be for all the good people, the ordinary people, to be able to get rid of all the people who aren’t good or ordinary. You know the experts and thinkers and the immigrants and refugees and all that. You see why do people come to Britain now? Why do we have all these refugees? Because they’re fleeing violence and terror. So if we have a bit of violence and terror in Britain as well, then perhaps they’ll think twice.

But that’s a terrible idea. The film is supposed to be a dystopia.

And that’s exactly what we want in the United Kingdom now that we’re free of the vile Brussels dominance. More dystopia and less liberal whining.

But no one will vote for this. It’s against their own interests. Nigel stop laughing this is serious.

I know, I know. It’s just that’s what everyone said the last time. It’s not like we’ll be telling them the truth.

The Purge Election Day will be released later this year.