NICK OFFERMAN DAMAGES EYES ON ALEX GARLAND’S DEVS

HOLLYWOOD – Nick Offerman has damaged his eyes on Alex Garland’s Devs.

Alex Garland’s new mind bending sci-fi TV series, Devs marks a more dramatic departure for Nick Offerman, who found fame as Ron Swanson, the loveable libertarian in Parks And Rec.

Nick Offerman plays Genius-Entrepreneur-Station-Wagon-Driving-Grieving-Insane-Tech-Giant, Forest, who spends most of Devs staring intensely at large screens from a short distance away. As our parents warned us, this damages your eyes.

‘The demands on my eyes during the shoot were insane’, said the actor. ‘Alex (Garland) demanded I start staring in my trailer while they were setting up the shot. By the time cameras started to roll, my eyeballs were ready to drop out of my head. But Alex didn’t care, he just kept shouting at me not to blink and sound as serious as I could. It was terrifying. I go to sleep and have nightmares about staring, which is horrible, because that’s only time I can close my eyes.’

‘My corneas have basically dried completely up. They have the same texture as a Cat’s tongue. They scratch the inside of my eyelids when I close my eyes. It’s like permanently looking through frosted glass. I now view life through a bathroom window. I wouldn’t have minded but I didn’t understand what I was doing or saying most of the time I was on set. It was all jibber-jabber to me. I just put my serious voice on and stared as hard as I could. I’m told it looks pretty awesome. So I guess that’s something.’

Alex Garland’s representatives have advised they have no comment to make on behalf of Mr Garland.

Devs is available on the BBC iPlayer in the UK.

FARGO 2: REVIEW

FARGO: Season 2 – Mid-Season Review: The second season of Fargo is some great television but its depiction of women though true to the 70s period is pretty hard to stomach.

At the beginning of every episode, Fargo underlines its fictive status with the greatest lie in art ‘based on true events’. Although in the Coen Brothers’ original movie the assertion was slippery – many took them at their word at least at first – in Noah Hawley’s inspired show the repeated assertion of sober truth is weekly reminder that we are watching a brilliant blackly comic fantasy show. Yes it might be set in Minnesota and there aren’t any dragons, but this is as realistic as Game of Thrones using its comically exaggerated aw heck ordinariness as merely a counterpoint to the operatic levels of violence and the Manichean extremes of good and evil portrayed in the snowy wastes.

Season 2 sees the action shift to 1979 and unfurls as a crime turf  war played out against the background of the irresistible rise to power of Ronald Reagan. Everyone is against Carter, whose original sin seems to be the oil crisis which sees people having to queue to fill up their cars as a sign of the decline of America. The characters are drawn with broad strokes. The honorable and decent police officers Patrick Wilson and Ted Danson are played with ramrod moral probity and down to earth wit. No phone footage of them beating up or shooting unarmed black men. Fargo is set before camera phones made the police act that way. On the other side are the wicked criminals, the Gerhardts and the Kansas City crew, both sounding like progressive rock bands and both with a superbly operatic and unrestrained sense of violence. In the middle are the simple folk, the Blumquists played by Jesse Plemons and Kirsten Dunst, who have to pay for the consequences of poorly made decisions and ultimately the violence of everybody else. Missing is Billy Bob Thornton’s truly compelling performance as an avenging angel of violence, but his bemused extreme violence remains as does the opposition provided by the down to earth folks. This is a world that could easily bring forth the dualism with crayons of Reagan’s morning in America versus the Evil Empire rhetoric.

Part of this conservative universe is the treatment of women who are either dangerously duplicitous (Rachel Geller as the Gerhardt daughter), dangerously dumb bimbos (Dunst) or saintly and dying (Cristin Milioti as Betsey Solverson). The one person who could buck the trend, Floyd Gerhardt (Jean Smart) Matriarch of the Gerhardts is seen consistently as ineffective and always a step behind her feral offspring as well as her adversaries. Now this is a mid-season review and I’m betting that the worm might well turn at some point but thus far what is really missing from the show is not Billy Bob Thornton’s entertaining grandstanding but Molly Solverson (Allison Tolman)’s strong woman at the core.

Fargo remains one of the best and most unlikely successes of recent television. And it is testament to how good it is that I haven’t even mentioned Nick Offerman’s turn as town lawyer and blow hard.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

NICK OFFERMAN TO PLAY WOLVERINE

HOLLYWOOD – Another Sony email leak has revealed that Fox wants to offload the Wolverine franchise after becoming annoyed with Hugh Jackman’s unreasonable demands.

Kurt Hoight, an executive producer at Fox contacted Scott Rudin last August to vent his frustrations:

Hey Scotty

That bastard Jackman has been calling me all night. He said I’ve got until this afternoon to make my mind up about Wolverine or he walks.

What’s your take on it?

K

—-

Hey Kurt

F*ck Jackman, if John Woo hadn’t overran on Mission Impossible II Jackman would still be barbecuing dingos in the outback. The guys old news. Nobody gives a shit about Wolverine any more . If I were you I’d put that franchise in the toilet, do a fat turd on it and then flush it down with a hand grenade.

Scott

P.S Love to the kids.

—-

Hey Scotty

I hear Sony are interested in buying out the Wolverine contact. They want to waste Jackman and get some guy called Nick Offerman in to play the lead. I’d never heard of this guy so I did a google search. Dude looks like shit that’s been hammered twice. Are Sony serious or is somebody yanking my testicles?

Kurt

—-

Hey K

I know Offerman. The guys about as funny as a pederast in a playground but he’s got ‘cult’ appeal, whatever that f*cking means. Anyway, it doesn’t matter if it’s Nick Offerman or Fred f*cking Savage. If you can get Sony to cough up 400 million for the rights then rub your palm across your asshole and shake their hand. They’ll spend another hundred mill on some piece of crap that everybody hates and by 2020 they’ll be selling the franchise back to Marvel for beads and f*cking bracelets.

Scott

The Studio Exec was unable to contact Offerman or Sony with regard to these revelations but we’ll keep you posted about any future developments.