PETER JACKSON TO REMAKE THE NEVERENDING STORY

HOLLYWOOD – No sooner had the final battle cries of The Hobbit died out than Peter Jackson has embarked on another fantasy franchise: a remake of the 1984 Wolfgang Petersen film The NeverEnding Story.

The official synopsis reads:

Based on the Michael Ende novel, the film will tell the story of Bastian Bux (Elijah Wood), a young boy who is bullied at school and finds his only escape in books and in particular a book which transports him to a land called Fantasia ruled by a sick princess (Cate Blanchett) who lives in an ivory tower with no sense of irony.  She summons a young warrior called Atreyu (Orlando Bloom) to set and defeat the Nothing (George Lucas in his first major acting role) which threatens the land.

The Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson told the Studio Exec:

I am very excited to get away from Middle Earth if only for a little while. At first I was a bit cautious about returning to fantasy but I read the book and fell in love with it. I was already a fan of the film. Especially the Limahl song [sings] ‘NeverEnding Story, do-de-do-de-de-do-de-de-do!’

Yes. Good. Fantastic. STOP! Now, how will you approach the film? 

At first I thought it’s going to be impossible to slim down into one film. I wanted to do a simple 90 minute story. But then I realised, who am I kidding? The title is the clue. So we’re going to make fifteen films back-to-back and no one in New Zealand need never go hungry or on holiday again.

The NeverEnding Story Parts 1-16 will be released over the next twenty years. 

KAJAGOOGOO TURN DOWN TRUMP INAUGURATION

HOLLYWOOD – Eighties band Kajagoogoo have denied they will be playing President Elect Donald Trump’s inauguration, according to sources.

With their hits Too Shy and Hang on Now, Kajagoogoo ruled 1983 and part of 1984 like some very time specific version of the Beatles. Following Llimahl’s solo career and NeverEnding Story, the band broke up. However, a spokesperson for Donald Trump insisted that they were booked to play Donald Trump’s inauguration in January. A source close to the band however told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that they wouldn’t be playing:

We got the phone call and we were really surprised. We said no, primarily because I’ve forgotten how to play guitar it was so long ago. The man on the other end didn’t seem too concerned. He said they were going to try Ultravox next.  He seemed to be going down a list. I don’t think we were close to the top.

Meanwhile, Ted Nugent has already booked his hotel room.

The inauguration will take place on 20 January 2017.

LIMAHL KEEN ON NEVERENDING STORY REMAKE

WELLINGTON – The Peter Jackson remake of The Neverending Story has gained a new fan already in ‘pop singer’ Limahl.

Former singer in 80s group Kajagoogoo, Limahl sang the original theme song to Wolfgang Petersen’s 1984 fantasy film The Neverending Story and is set to return to the new version to be directed by Lord of the Rings director, Peter Jackson.

Dropping by the Studio Exec Hobbit hole, Limahl looks exactly as he did in the mid-eighties when he was at the height of his fame. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec about the prospect of revisiting the song that became a worldwide chart-topper.

It’s going to be a hell of a year for me. First we have the announcement that Gary Oldman is going to make a film about the rise and fall of my old band. And now Peter Jackson – the director of Bad Taste and The Lovely Bones – is remaking The Neverending Story. When my agent told me, I said ‘Carol, clear my calendar, cancel everything’ and she did it immediately.

So Peter Jackson called you to do the song? 

Peter Jackson is not going to be that obvious. First we have to do that silly little dance, but of course, I’ll do the song for them. We’ll probably have an argument about the drum and bass back beat they want to put on it but my vocal will still soar above everything.

Will you have a cameo in the film?

It’s my understanding that Andy Serkis is playing pretty much everybody using motion capture, but that might have just been a bad joke on Carol’s part. She does like to tease.

And finally is there any chance that Kajagoogoo will get together?

Well, it’s been no secret that for years I’ve wanted to do something with the guys, but I’ve also been battling with Social Anxiety Disorder.

You mean you’re...

Too shy, hush hush, eye to eye.

The Neverending Story will be 12 films.

 

DISNEY SECURE RIGHTS TO THE 80S

HOLLYWOOD – In a power move that would make Gordon Gecko blush, Disney secure the rights to the decade formally known as the 1980s (now to be known as The 19-Disneys).

In a Studio Exec EXCLUSIVE Disney CEO Bob Iger relates the macabre experience of negotiating with the sinister keepers of the 80s.

So Bobby boy, Bob, Mr. Iger, ahem, how does one go about purchasing the 80s? Who has the rights? 

If I had known, oh if only I had known…such is the folly of man that he must forever inquire into the world’s deep and dark secrets. The ‘Neon Decade’ has been passed from one shiny glove wearing hand to another. there were rumors that David Bowie had the rights and had them enshrined in a sarcophagus in his residence high in the Swiss Alps;  freak weather however, destroyed Bowie’s mountain and he renounced his claim of the decade shortly thereafter. Oh, if only those secrets had perished in those rocky European chasms!

How did Disney get involved?

We had agents all over the world scouting for traces of the lost ‘rights’ and eventually someone heard of a cabal called ‘The Keepers of the Dread Child’ who claimed to have the rights to the 80s in their possession and who were willing to trade for something of equally magnificent value. In my arrogance I decided to personally negotiate with these shadowy figures. Eventually, one night I found myself led blindfold down endless flights of stairs, somewhere in Iceland.

Wow! This sh*t is intense … go on.

When my blindfold was removed I found I was kneeling in front of an alter of sorts, flanked by two immense thrones. The occupiers were none other than Steve Guttenberg and Peter Gabriel. Like two titans of unimaginable antiquity they sat there regarding me with imperial indifference. I thought I was to be judged and sentenced by them, such was the magisterial air of the whole affair. Then they spoke, in unison … which was weird. Their words echoed and swirled in my mind until I was not sure whether t’was some form of telepathy, but the gist was thus; between the thrones, on the alter, under a glittering sheath lay ‘The Dread Child’; a sleeping avatar of the 1980s, preserved and peaceful, and he who hath the power to carry him up the flights of stairs was welcome to him and thus the bounty of the 80s … in addition to one final exchange of equal value … a child for a child!

Incredible! So who was the ‘Dread Child?’

Um, that weird little kid with the floppy hair from ‘The Never Ending Story’, ‘Daryl’ and ‘Cocoon’

Oh yeah, that kid, what’s his name?

Like you ever knew! Who cares? Anyway, so I had to carry the little frozen f*cker up a flight of stairs! Which I did. He’s now safely in the Disney vaults and the 80s belongs to us.

What about the final exchange? Who did they want in return and why?

May all the Gods forgive me, but they wanted the young, supple body of Tori Spelling and with that, the ownership of the 1990s which, thankfully, Disney had the rights to.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, I’m confused, they wanted the ‘young’ Tori Spelling though, how does that work?

We’re Disney. We have access to … certain powers of our own, now, excuse me, I have duties to attend to. The Mouse be praised.

The 19-Disney’s will be launched this summer.

PETER JACKSON TO REMAKE THE NEVERENDING STORY

HOLLYWOOD – No sooner had the final battle cries of The Hobbit died out than Peter Jackson has embarked on another fantasy franchise: a remake of the 1984 Wolfgang Petersen film The NeverEnding Story.

The official synopsis reads:

Based on the Michael Ende novel, the film will tell the story of Bastian Bux (Elijah Wood), a young boy who is bullied at school and finds his only escape in books and in particular a book which transports him to a land called Fantasia ruled by a sick princess (Cate Blanchett) who lives in an ivory tower with no sense of irony.  She summons a young warrior called Atreyu (Orlando Bloom) to set and defeat the Nothing (George Lucas in his first major acting role) which threatens the land.

The Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson told the Studio Exec:

I am very excited to get away from Middle Earth if only for a little while. At first I was a bit cautious about returning to fantasy but I read the book and fell in love with it. I was already a fan of the film. Especially the Limahl song [sings] ‘NeverEnding Story, do-de-do-de-de-do-de-de-do!’

Yes. Good. Fantastic. STOP! Now, how will you approach the film? 

At first I thought it’s going to be impossible to slim down into one film. I wanted to do a simple 90 minute story. But then I realised, who am I kidding? The title is the clue. So we’re going to make fifteen films back-to-back and no one in New Zealand need never go hungry or on holiday again.

The NeverEnding Story Parts 1-16 will be released over the next twenty years.