BACK TO THE FUTURE DAY IS A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX

HOLLYWOOD –  Scientists have revealed that Back to the Future Day represent a serious glitch in the Matrix and might bring the virtual reality universe in which we unwittingly live crashing down around our ears.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Neil deGrasse Tyson has warned that October 21st 2015 in matching the date to which Marty McFly and Doc Brown travel at the end of Back to the Future – the so called Back to the Future Day – represents a major paradox in the space time film reality continuum.

‘It’s like Inception, but times like a squillion,’ said the noted astrophysicist.

The only solution that I can think of is to hand over all our most essential computing tasks to SkyNet, a system of coordinated AI servers that I invented with the help of the HAL 2000. Aside from his amazing computing skills and innovative imagination, Hal also has a screen writing credit on Terminator Genisys and plays a great game of squash.

But why does Back to the Future Day represent such a threat?

The thing is when the fictive universe created in film coincides with our own universe, which we like to call ‘real’ but which is in fact only another fiction, then this creates a paradox. Imagine we crossed the beams in Ghostbusters, or like in 12 Monkeys, Madeline Stowe was actually here right now doing things and Bruce Willis was a moderately good actor! Hard to handle, right? Once such a paradox occurs who knows what will happen. My personal guess is that it’ll be like watching Looper on a loop, or dreaming about Inception. People begin designing hover boards and professing a love of Huey Lewis and the News. Once that happens, I’m afraid it is game over.

But won’t SkyNet seek to take over the world and destroy all human resistance?

Well, yes, but you have to ask yourself: is that such a bad thing?

Happy Back to the Future Day from the Studio Exec.

SCIENCE OF INTERSTELLAR EXPLAINED

HOLLYWOOD – The science of Interstellar has been researched by Kip Thorne, approved of by Neil deGrasse Tyson and baffled everyone else.

The Studio Exec FACT squad has watched the film (for our Interstellar review CLICK HERE) wearing white coats, ballpoint pens and Bunsen burners and we’ve worked it all out so here are the main FACTS explained.

1. Black Holes: A black hole or ‘Singularity’ is caused by a collapsed plot line which then becomes so powerful as to suck all credibility in and let no doubt escape because of the incredible crushing force of complexity and exposition.

2. Worm Holes: A worm hole is similar to a black hole but is caused by a giant space worm which eats space time and if it spreads unchecked would lead to the collapse of the entire universe.

3. Relativity: This misunderstood theory first conceived by Albert Einstein is at the core of Interstellar. If Matthew McConaughey travels through space at a speed which is close to the speed of light, then his children who remain at home – Jessica Chastain and Casey Affleck – experience time differently. If McConaughey were to return then he would only be interested in one of his children (usually the girl). Because they are relatives, the theory is called relativity.

4. Neil deGrasse Tyson: The new presenter of Cosmos is now considered the leading arbiter of cinematic value with any film touching on scientific matters. His condemnation of Gravity led to George Clooney personally handing back ticket prices to every punter. Conversely, Tyson approves of Interstellar, declaring on Twitter that ‘it actually happened. I was there.’

5. Artificial Intelligence: The theory that if you make a machine incredibly complex and get everyone to talk quietly so you can’t hear what they’re saying and then add a booming score it will become sentient and independently intelligent.

 For more on Interstellar CLICK HERE.

NASA CONFIRM GWYNETH PALTROW CHRIS MARTIN UNCOUPLING

HOUSTON – This morning NASA confirmed the successful uncoupling of the celestial body Gwyneth Paltrow from the space debris known as Chris Martin.

The operation took place in the early hours of this morning in what technicians are calling a ‘flawless performance of technical excellence’. A NASA spokesperson said:

These things are always delicate because you never quite known what the reactions are going to be and what you’re going to find in there. Fortunately, possibly due to a diet of celery water and positive thinking, Ms. Paltrow was almost entirely empty and so when we uncoupled her, there was very little mess.

The operation took place fifty miles above the surface of the Earth during an EVA from the International Space Station (ISS). Astrophysicist and part time film critic Neil deGrasse Tyson  remarked:

The wonder of such an event can only go to show how amazing a force evolution is. In a short time, less than a generation, Paltrow has gone from being the rather ordinary actress of Sliding Doors fame to what she is now: an ethereal space baby floating benignly above us and mildly reproving us for our eating habits and our poor parenting skills. Now come with me as we…

Sorry Neil, we got a thing. 

Oh, you don’t want to come with me while we explore the wonder of the Cosmos?

Maybe next week.

Gwyneth Paltrow will remain in a permanent orbit high above the atmosphere but Chris Martin is expected to fall to Earth later today somewhere over the Indian Ocean. 

SETH MACFARLANE’S NEW SCIENCE DOC TO FEATURE RACIST DOG

HOLLYWOOD – Many believed that the idea of Seth MacFarlane making the science documentary Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey  with some trepidation, but he has assured his fans that there will be a talking dog, spouting politically incorrect wisecracks. 

A follow up to the iconic Carl Sagan series from the eighties Cosmos: A Personal Voyage, the new show – airing on Fox and the National Geographic Channel in the Spring – will be an exploration of our universe for ‘as wide an audience as possible’.  

MacFarlane spoke EXCLUSIVELY to Studio Exec:

We have my good friend Neil deGrasse Tyson on board narrating the show and that’s wonderful. Those sonorous tones, that expertise and depth of knowledge will inspire many to a new love of the subject. However, for the skeptical and perhaps unconverted we’ll also have a cartoon dog called Jasper, making tit jokes and talking about how orientals make bad drivers. That kind of thing. Not racist mind. Post-modern.

Meanwhile, Johnny Knoxville has revealed that he is producing his rival program Anatomies for BBC America. ‘I don’t see ourselves as competitors. Me and Seth are really looking at different things,’ said the Jackass star. ‘He’s into black holes, pulsars and the space-time continuum and his dog. Whereas I’m more interested in the human body, biology, evolution and sometimes the lack of it.’

Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey will be broadcast March, 2014.