HOLLYWOOD – Kate Winslet announced today not only the fact that she was pregnant but that she has already decided on her name for the child to be. I Love will be Kate Winslet’s third child, but first with new husband Ned Rocknroll.

When asked about the meaning of the name Mr. Rocknroll proved coy.

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ he said, before going on apparently exasperated at having to explain. ‘Kate is a huge Joan
Jett fan. In fact I’m beginning to think the only reason she married me was for my name. Ha ha ha ha ha (sob).’

The Revolutionary Road and Titanic actress seemed oblivious to the weeping man on her arm, happily waving to reporters as she crossed the road singing a  song made famous by Guitar Hero.



Winslet pounced

MALIBU – Kate Winslet married Ned Rocknroll (really) in secret last night. In a secret ceremony at an undisclosed location wearing possibly a dress, but there’s no way we can know, the Hollywood star of such brilliant films as The Life of David Gale and Engima tied a knot (we’re not sure whether it was a double reef or a granny knot) with the preposterously named Ned Rocknroll, nephew of well known tie enemy and suicidal rich man, Richard Branson. Studio Exec exclusively got an opportunity to talk to Ned a few minutes ago.

Some kind of knot

Congratulations Ned.

Thanks… I suppose. For why?

On your marriage to Kate Winslet. She’s quite the catch.

Kate who?


The actress from the Life of David Gale and Enigma?


And I’m supposed to be married to her?


Wow, I suppose. 

You mean to say you didn’t know?

No. But I’m delighted… I think.

What do you think first attracted her to you?

My name. It’s like magic. Get yourself a ridiculous name and good things happen to you. 

Well Done. 

Well, thanks. I can’t wait to meet her.