NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC ACCUSED OF INVENTING ANIMALS

HOLLYWOOD – Wildlife documentary makers, National Geographic have been accused of inventing animals and countries in an attempt to keep viewers interested.

A spokesperson for National Geographic said today:

There are only so many times you can film penguins eating fish and lions catching zebras and what not. There’s a lot of pressure with us to come up with some new content. Nature broadcasting has always had a history of shall we say manipulating the narrative.

However, critic Anthony Framm has said that the TV company has gone beyond the more obvious tweeking:

Last week I watched a documentary that purported to show these animals that live in Africa. The country was just a jumble of consonants and vowels. Anyway, they have big long necks and they wander about and they’re just so obviously CGI. And then there are these fish that eats cows. Just loads of fish eating a cow.

But those are piranhas?

Yeah that’s them. See completely made up. I mean I think they were cut and pasted from Game of Thrones or something.

No, they’re real.

And Rwanda?

Yep. That’s a real country. It exists.

What about the hopping f*cks with the pocket to keep the kids in?

Yeah, kangaroos.

Get out of here?

No really. 

And the giraffes.

No, you’ve got a point with those. Those are made up.

SETH MACFARLANE’S NEW SCIENCE DOC TO FEATURE RACIST DOG

HOLLYWOOD – Many believed that the idea of Seth MacFarlane making the science documentary Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey  with some trepidation, but he has assured his fans that there will be a talking dog, spouting politically incorrect wisecracks. 

A follow up to the iconic Carl Sagan series from the eighties Cosmos: A Personal Voyage, the new show – airing on Fox and the National Geographic Channel in the Spring – will be an exploration of our universe for ‘as wide an audience as possible’.  

MacFarlane spoke EXCLUSIVELY to Studio Exec:

We have my good friend Neil deGrasse Tyson on board narrating the show and that’s wonderful. Those sonorous tones, that expertise and depth of knowledge will inspire many to a new love of the subject. However, for the skeptical and perhaps unconverted we’ll also have a cartoon dog called Jasper, making tit jokes and talking about how orientals make bad drivers. That kind of thing. Not racist mind. Post-modern.

Meanwhile, Johnny Knoxville has revealed that he is producing his rival program Anatomies for BBC America. ‘I don’t see ourselves as competitors. Me and Seth are really looking at different things,’ said the Jackass star. ‘He’s into black holes, pulsars and the space-time continuum and his dog. Whereas I’m more interested in the human body, biology, evolution and sometimes the lack of it.’

Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey will be broadcast March, 2014.