AFTER BREXIT CHILDREN OF MEN RECLASSIFIED AS DOCUMENTARY

LONDON – Following the shock result of the UK referendum to leave the European Union, the dystopian satire Children of Men has been reclassified as a documentary.

The British Film Institute has reclassified Alfonso Cuaron’s 2006 dystopian satire Children of Men following the Brexit result of the UK referendum on the European Union. A spokesperson for the BFI said:

The thing is we originally thought that the racism and hatred towards immigrants shown in Cuaron’s film was over the top, but actually we see that it is the driving thought of most little Englanders, of who there are much more than we realized.

But why is the BFI making such a political stance?

Well, did you like An Education? Or Hunger? Or Macbeth, Nanny McPhee, Amy, or Tinker Tailor, Soldier ,Spy? Or Game of Thrones? Or Under the Skin, or Pride, or Berbarian Sound Studio?

I didn’t like Nanny McPhee.

But did you like The Lobster, fish Tank, Belle? Shaun the Sheep?

Yes.

Then those were all made with vital help from the EU Media fund which paid the UK over 130 million pounds over the last decade. That won’t be there anymore.

Oh.

Exactly.

Children of Men star Clive Owen.

ELI ROTH A LOCK FOR NANNY MCPHEE 3

TORONTO – Renowned horror director and eyebrow model Eli Roth let slip that his next film would be the long awaited Nanny McPhee 3.

The 43 year old Hostel director Eli Roth ended months of speculation in a private EXCLUSIVE conversation with the Studio Exec in which he confirmed he would be responsible for bringing to a close the McPhee trilogy:

Ever since I started making movies I’ve wanted to contribute to the Nanny McPhee universe. I mean, who wouldn’t? We met with Emma and though she didn’t seem to know who I was (thank God!), she was really nice and we drank tea and ate cucumber sandwiches. I shit you not, it was classy.

It’s something of a departure for you. 

Is it? Maybe. I’ve always wanted to make a children’s film. If you look at my movies, a certain childlike quality…

You mean they’re infantile.

Yes! But more than that. The common thread I think, is that we’re both, Emma and I, interested in the ugliness of life. And as much as I admire the first two films, I will be bringing something new. Dare I say ‘Rothian’ to the mix.

Nanny McPhee and the Sadistic Green and Red Cellar is due for release in 2018. 

EMMA THOMPSON ADMITS: I DON’T HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM

LONDON – Star of stage and screen, Nanny McPhee and PL Travers, Emma Thompson admitted today that she didn’t have a drinking problem.

‘I’ve not had a drinking problem for several years,’ said Emma. ‘I’ve been pretending all this time because I thought it was a bit of a giggle.’

Rumors that the Sense and Sensibility star might not have a drinking problem started at the Golden Globes. Mark Strong said:

She went on stage and looked woozy, utterly plastered actually, but when she came back she sat down with me and we talked and she seemed perfectly lucid. She had a couple of glasses of wine, but nothing excessive. It was then that I first realized she must be putting it on.

Stephen Fry the host of the BAFTAs was similarly unimpressed by Ms. Thompson’s imbibing. 

As someone who has himself had to deal with addiction problems I’m a pretty good judge of other peoples’ inebriation or otherwise. And I have to say off stage she was stone cold sober, the little pekinese. 

Thompson told the Studio Exec that she wouldn’t be going to a clinic to dry out and she was not a member of AA. She said she wasn’t ashamed, nor was she grateful for all the support she hadn’t received from friends and relatives alike. 

Men, Women & Children will be released in 2014.