CANNES – It came as a shock yesterday to discover that acclaimed Italian director Nanni Moretti was actually a man! And with a beard to boot!

We’ve been following Nanni Moretti’s work for years, ever since Emma Thompson first played him in that film. But when he wandered into the Studio Exec Pavilion here on the Croisette we were shocked discovered that instead of being a magical woman who looks after children, he was in fact a man who makes films about himself and stuff.

Moretti told us that it was a problem he had to deal with for years.

It’s typical of sexist English society to think that I must be a woman. Just because my name is Nanni. Whereas in fact it is a very common name for men. Here in Italy.

So what’s the film about Nanni?

The film is called My Mother and is all about the relationship I had with my mother when…

But then why did you call it My Mother?

Well, because it’s about my mother.

Yes. But it’s not about My Mother.

Che cazzo!

You should really have thought about that. I went to see the film called My Mother and I wanted to see a moving portrait of my own mother. That’s what the title led me to believe. But it turned out to be all about some old Italian woman I’ve never met. My mother can’t even speak English let alone Italian.

The pronoun ‘my’ has been used frequently in art and books to refer to the artist’s subject and not the viewer’s or reader’s. It is an elementary part of language. You must be very obtuse to be confused.

I see. Fair enough. Now does directing get in the way of looking after the kids?

Well, the do misbehave sometimes but with my magic bag of tricks I always… Wait a minute. Damn you Exec!

[At which point Mr. Moretti left the interview]