FINAL ACID JAZZ FAN DIES

PARIS – The last Acid jazz fan has died at the age of 68.

Acid Jazz was a weird thing. In the 80s and 90s you couldn’t seem to get past a bar without getting some on your clothes. Now it’s gone though. And with the passing of the last Acid Jazz fan, you can rest assured it will never come back.

Music critic Alf Parnard talked to the Studio Exec:

Acid Jazz was basically jazz played by white guys in straw hats. It was pretty awful but for some reason Steven Soderbergh kept using it in his soundtracks. I’d usually start naming famous musicians in this genre but either accidentally or on purpose, I seem to have forgotten them all.

Maurice Claverum was the last Acid Jazz fan and he died in his apartment last night after a dinner of poached eggs.

RIP Acid Jazz 1989-2018.

THE TRUTH BEHIND THE JLS SPLIT

TheStudio Exec has been informed by an anonymous source who wishes to remain anonymous that the members of everyone’s 11thfavorite boy band JLS have decided to split after one of the group was caught in a compromising situation in his dressing room with a giraffe.

The anonymous source who wishes to remain anonymous said:

We don’t know how he smuggled the giraffe in. We knew he loved the animal. He had giraffe posters on his wall, giraffe t-shirts and a giraffe duvet but when the boys entered his dressing room after the show and saw him on the step ladders doing what he was doing to that poor animal, it was obvious the band could no longer continue.

The giraffe in question was said to be a little shaken by the experience but is rumored to have signed a million dollar deal with the New York Times to tell his side of the story. ‘My client has suffered. He is still suffering,’ said the giraffe’s agent Rick Romanov

The money he’ll receive will not give him back his innocence, but it will buy a hell of a lot of twigs and leaves.

Romanov was asked by a reporter if the rumors were true that Bret Easton Ellis had been hired to write a screenplay about the incident after the author tweeted ‘Working on the JLS/Giraffe script and trying not to masturbate over my own filthy prose’. 

‘I can confirm that we have filed a restraining order against Mr Easton Ellis who was pestering us night and day,’ said Romanov. He continued: 

There is currently a screenplay in the works and it will be written by Damon Lindelof. The Giraffe is a big fan of Prometheus and believes that Mr Lindelof is the only man who can do this story justice.