AMAZON CONFIRM SESAME STREEP FOR 2019

HOLLYWOOD – Amazon slate Sesame Streep starring the Muppets and Meryl Streep next year.

Meryl Streep has had a long standing relationship with the Muppets, from an appearance with Susan Sarandon on the show to a recurring Muppet called Meryl Sheep. Now she is to star and produce an anthology series called Sesame Streep, produced by Amazon.

We spoke with the Oscar-winning actress about the new project:

I’m really excited. I’ve loved the Muppets ever since I first saw them. I always engaged with them and thought that they were more than simply entertainment for children. There’s a sadness and honesty to their work. A genuine humanity, whether it’s Kermit and Miss Piggy’s doomed relationship or Fozie Bear’s grotesque inability to be funny.

So how will the show be different?

We’re not making a regular Muppets Show here. What we’re doing is recreating each of my movie hits but with myself as the only human performer. The rest of the roles will be played by Muppets.

Oh.

I know.

Does that mean…?

We’ll start with Sophie’s Choice.

I was going to ask if you were going to do that.

Michael Shannon

And then we’ll move on to some lighter work like Doubt, Out of Africa, Cry in the Dark and The Deer Hunter.

Don’t you think that doing these shows will… demean your achievements?

Far from it. I see this as both a tribute and an opportunity to actually correct some of the things that were wrong with my films.

What was wrong with your films?

Look at August Osage County. It was okay. I enjoyed it. But just imagined if we did the same film but instead of Ewan MacGregor and Michael Shannon you had Gonzo and Professor Bunsen Honeydew.

I see your point.

I was in Suffragette recently, which I enjoyed, but who can say that the film would not have been much improved by substituting Carey Mulligan with Miss Piggy.

Sesame Streep will show on Amazon in 2019.

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT TURNS UP TO FORCE AWAKENS PREMIERE DRESSED LIKE KERMIT

HOLLYWOOD – Star of Sin City: A Dame to Kill For and 50/50, Joseph Gordon-Levitt turned up to the Star Wars: Force Awakens première in Los Angeles tonight, dressed like a Muppet.

In some sad sack Cosplay attempt, Joseph Gordon-Levitt turned up to the first screening of Star Wars: The Force Awakens dressed in his pyjamas and with his face green and some home-made ears. A stormtrooper standing by told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I really liked Looper, but today Joseph Gordon Levitt was a sad embarrassment to the very serious business of Cosplay. We dedicate our time and energy to getting our costumes precisely accurate, but Levitt turns up and the asshole’s got the wrong movie.

Cheers and Hunger Games star, Woody Harrelson defended the actor saying, ‘Maybe he thought Kermit was in the picture.’ But everyone knows that Harrelson is always high so an endorsement from his mouth is almost worse than nothing. When asked what on earth he was thinking turning up to a Star Wars event dressed as a Muppet, Gordon-Levitt laughed it off:

Right, Muppet! Fantastic. After four hundred years so Kermity you will be. Ha ha!

Everyone agreed that it made no sense whatsoever. Noted linguist Noam Chomsky posted a video on YouTube criticizing Gordon-Levitt’s syntax. ‘It’s all wrong,’ he concluded.

Could this be the end of Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s career?

Use the comment box below to tell us what you think.

To read our Star Wars: The Force Awakens SPOILER FREE review CLICK HERE!

MUPPETS JOIN KNIGHT OF CUPS

HOLLYWOOD – The extraordinary cast of Terrence Malick’s new film Knight of Cups already includes stars such as Christian Slater and Natalie Portman, but it can be revealed that they will be joined by the assorted talents of the Muppets.

Kermit the Frog told The Studio Exec:

This is a very exciting development for us. We are essentially an old fashioned Vaudeville act and although we have striven to be taken seriously with our adaptation of great literary works  – The Muppet’s Christmas Carol and The Muppet’s Treasure Island to name but two – our efforts have not always been a resounding effect. Here was have a great director, with an artistic vision, and he wants us in the film alongside the likes of Christian and Natalie.

It is understood the decision to cast the Muppets was taken quite late on in the process after filming had already begun.

Fozzie Bear had this to say:

Malick works in unconventional ways and I think while he had begun shooting Knight of Cups he realised that it really lacked a comic edge. The comedy of To the Wonder had gone over everyone’s heads and so he phoned me up and he said ‘Fozzie, I need you bud, I need that old Wokka Wokka magic!’ I said, ‘Can I bring Gonzo?’ He said ‘Bring everybody!’ Five minutes later he phoned up again and said ‘Don’t bring Gervais though.’ Ha ha!

Knight of Cups will be released in 2015.

DAVID BOWIE ADMITS LABYRINTH FURY

HOLLYWOOD – David Bowie is known for some lurid costumes in his time, but his film role as Jareth in Labyrinth has gone down in Fraggle Rock Actor history as a particularly weird moment and today for the first time ever the Thin White Duke reveals his feelings to the Studio Exec in this EXCLUSIVE interview.

How did you get involved with the project?

The late great Jim Henson phoned me and said I have a role for you and it’s a bit out there you know, but what do you think? Well, I read the script and I thought, why not? It’ll be nice for the toddlers. You know. But when it came to filming I began to feel like a bit of a tool.

What do you mean?

Initially, I had been written as quite a straight forward villain. I really wanted to go against type and wear a suit. But Kajagoogoo had just had a hit so Jim dressed me up as Limahl. I was spitting feathers. I felt I’d been made to look ridiculous. I mean you only have to look at the trousers I was forced to wear. You have to remember I was trying to be taken seriously as an actor in this period and yet the eye liner and the Muppets that surrounded me just made me look like a gallivanting mumpty. Add to that the film was a complete turkey.

But now the film has something of cult following.

No, it’s complete bobbins. 

But it must make you feel…

No, it’s bobbins.

The character of Jareth even is…

Bobbins.

This is ridic…

Bobbins.

Labyrinth 2: Jareth’s Bobbins will be released in 2016. 

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN OVERDOSES ON IRONY

CHICAGO – Veteran and award winning actor Christopher Walken was rushed to hospital early this morning, having taken a suspected overdose of a deadly cocktail of irony and self-parody.”

He’s been doing SNL sketches for years,” said pal, Jon Voight, “But they have this Funny or Die stuff, ‘Cooking with Christopher Walken’, and that stuff is fucking lethal.”
Family members knew that he had been working with the Muppets, but thought that it was for back pain and were not overly concerned. In the past, Christopher Walken has also appeared in a Todd Soldenz movie.

“Now,” said Robert De Niro, “we can see that for what it really was, a cry for help.”

Having accrued a body of cult films like Dogs of War and The King of New York, and some all-out classics like The Funeral and The Deer Hunter, Christopher Walken has more recently been taking the piss.

Alan Arkin is expected to be playing all his roles until Walken is well enough to return to serious acting.

Jersey Boys will be released in 2014.

FLUFFER WORKS WITH CHILDREN AND ANIMALS

being bit

They say never work with children or animals. I have no idea at all who they are, but they’re quite right. I suffered quite nasty bruising when that vile brat Macauley Culkin deliberately pushed me down a flight of stairs on Home Alone, and the crew did nothing but roar with laughter. Out of the kindness of his heart darling Joe Pesci offered to slash the dreadful child’s face for me, and he seemed genuinely disappointed when  three production assistants had to hold him back, but I said no: Sir Edwin Fluffer fights his own battles. 

The resulting court case mean they had no choice but to fire me from the picture, and to my dying day I will always maintain that I didn’t know I still had my dentures in when I accidentally repeatedly bit the vile little toad until he cried.

Speaking of evil reptiles reminds me when I met Kermit The Frog. I was telling him about the time I bet King Kong $20 that he couldn’t get Vivien Leigh to fit a banana in her mouth sideways when he struck me in the face with a custard pie. A perfectly decent smoking jacket was badly stained, as was my cravat, and my toupee was ruined. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but as always they’re completely wrong, and I’m not ashamed to admit I immediately set fire to him with my lighter. What happened next is probably best ignored, but to the young people in the audience who seemed so terribly upset I apologise. 
I let my temper get the better of me and I should never have said such awful things to Fozzie Bear who is a true gentleman. 
And I once porked Miss Piggy, but that’s another story…

STAR WARS STANDALONE: YOUNG YODA

HOLLYWOOD – The first news has come out concerning the new standalone Star Wars movie, Yoda: High School Years. Kermit has already been announced in a piece of inspired casting, as the future Jedi master.
Writer Brett Easton Ellis has leaked plot details.

Yoda is a young kid, uncertain, nervous, but with this incredible gift that he doesn’t know how to use.  He goes to Dagobah High and gets bullied and falls in love with the girl and worries about going to the Prom. 

Disney heads have denied that Mr. Ellis – the author of American Psycho – is in anyway involved with the franchise. ‘Jesus, he keeps giving himself jobs,’ said a source. ‘It’s the Fifty Shades of Grey all over again.’
However, they did confirm that the tone would be relatively light.

Oh yeah, there’ll be lots of jokes about him growing. ‘After twenty years so small I will not be’ he says a lot. Woody Allen is going to voice his father and Billy Crystal will voice the mother (I know, I know, we’ve addressed this).   

Kermit admitted he was nervous about taking on such an icon.

I know that there will be a lot of fans out there waiting for me to fail, but I’m at a stage in my career when I want to take risks. I want to break the bubble.


 Yoda: High School Years will be released in 2015.

 

GERVAIS TO PLAY COOKIE MONSTER IN’ MUPPETS 2′

HOLLYWOOD – English wit and DVD salesman Ricky Gervais is to play everyone’s favourite puppet the Cookie Monster in ‘The Muppets 2’.


We caught up with Ricky in his plush London office.

Mr Gervais. Can I call you Ricky?

COOKIE

I see you’re already preparing for the role. How did you become involved?

COOKIE

Ok…er. Are you excited about working with Jason Segel?

COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE!

Oh it’s like that is it. Well fine. To be honest Mr Gervais I expected a little more professionalism.

COOKIE?