BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 28. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY

HOLLYWOOD – Oscar winner, Rust Cole and former Fool’s Gold fool, Matthew McConaughey sat down with the Studio Exec this morning where the True Detective star, tucked into seven glasses of water and gorged himself on looking at an apple for forty seconds.

‘If I look at it for longer, it goes straight on my hips,’ said the Killer Joe actor. 

So Matthew, what is your take on the McConaissance?

A’right, a’right a’right. Well, you see when I was a young man I used to have to look out and around me to see if there were a role model that I could use, someone who might inspire me. I looked and looked and frankly I could see no one worth more than a lick of paint, but one day I was in the bathroom, jerking off or something I don’t recall, and I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror. And I thought there he is. That’s the one I’m gonna imitate and try to be like.

You?

Matthew McConaughey in person. 

I see.

I won’t deny I spent some time leaning against Kate Hudson on posters, but it paid the rent. Then Kate taught me how to read and I was able to actually see what the films would be like before they got made via these paper things they call scripts (for more on this Click Here).

 So then you made Killer Joe, Mud, True Detective and Dallas Buyers Club.

That’s a’right, a’right, a’right. I mean I didn’t want to alienate my old fans so I also did The Paperboy for Lee Daniels. Just to give them something dumb. And my Oscar speech of course was what I like to call classic McConaughey. I admire myself from the past as well as looking towards my future self for inspiration. When I need me in an emergency, I check out the Matthew McConaughey of today. Any reflective surface’ll do.

 Yeah. You know I think I’m going to be sick.

Oh really? Water a bit strong for you, huh?

Where’s the bathroom?

It’s just down the corridor and then you take a’right a’right a’right.

For more Breakfasts CLICK HERE.

REESE WITHERSPOON AND MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY GET DIRTY

HOLLYWOOD- Reese Witherspoon and Matthew McConaughey are to appear together in a new film that will explore their new gritty unglamorous down and dirty non-romantic comedy roles: Gritty Mud.

The new film – which will be released prior to the 2016 Oscars – tells the story of two down and out drug addicts terminally ill poor people seeking to recover from their personal issues by being dirty and looking thinner than usual. Reese Witherspoon spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about her role:

Grit is a beautiful human being but she is someone who has perhaps lived a life that was a little too hard. And so she stops washing and walks a lot and she is treated in a way that is really nasty and she thinks back to the time when other people treated her real nasty. And sometimes she goes weeks without doing any laundry and she never puts any make up because of you know issues and Oscars and stuff.

How do you and Matthew prepare for the role?

Well, Matthew has a real interesting process. He studies himself from three years into the future, because that’s his hero sort of. And then his future self tells him who wins the Oscar in the next two or three Oscars and he aims to make those predictions come true. He was really homophobic in Dallas Buyers Club so he was a bit racist in this one. And I decided that for my character, I would hate people with red hair, because that is like racism but for hair.

And you both look physically different. How did you achieve that?

We both did the Steam Diet.

The Steam Diet?

Yeah you just eat … you know … steam. Buckets and buckets of steam. And I don’t put my make up on so I look different because of that. And then of course we’re really dirty. It ain’t Pleasantsville if you know what I mean.

Gritty Mud will be released OSCARS.

MCCONAUGHEY: INTERSTELLAR RETURN TO FAILURE TO LAUNCH FORM

HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Nolan‘s Science Fiction epic Interstellar is not due to be seen for another eleven months, but one of its leads Matthew McConaughey has spoken for the first time about his performance and the tone of the film.

‘It’s a hilarious romp and I think people are going to be pleased to see me back doing what I do best,’ said the McConaugh-a-tron. ‘Playing a likeable hunk – not too bright – with a Texan drawl that is just dreamy.’

Leading McConaughassaince scholar Dr Dirt E. Beardsley spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec:

Mud, Killer Joe, Dallas Buyers Club, and the TV series True Detective, these were all interesting experiments, but what we want to see is Fool’s Gold, Sahara and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. That’s the real McConaugh-a-tron. Not this actor asshole. Lets get him back to leaning on Kate Hudson in posters. Am I right?

 The news comes as a relief to the universe which has been feeling out of balance of late, what with Inside Llewyn Davis missing out on the Oscar nominations and all.

 Interstellar will be released in December, 2014.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY LEARNS TO READ

MEMPHIS – When Matthew McConaughey picked up the Golden Globe followed by a Best Actor Oscar nomination for The Dallas Buyer’s Club, the critical establishment opened their windows, leaned out into the night air and shouted ‘What the F*ck?’ 

Anyone following the career of the McConotron (as he prefers to be known) may well have been stumped for an explanation as to his recent run of form.

After years of pouring out ludicrous bile worthy tripe such as Sahara, Fool’s Gold, Failure to Launch, and How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, the erstwhile crap magnet has managed to string together a slew of decent films. Killer Joe, Mud and Magic Mike all feature McConaughey – as he prefers to be known – in full Thespian flow. The secret – revealed to Studio Exec – is simple: Matthew McConaughey has learnt to read.


It makes choosing scripts much easier,’ M&Ms said recently. ‘Prior to that I’d just weigh them in my hand. Or throw them against the wall, sniff them or something. The I’d say “A-right, a-right, a-right!” and that’s that.’

Matty McC had tried to learn to read in the past, helped by co-‘star’ Kate Hudson, but was hampered by the fact that Ms. Hudson herself didn’t know how to read and was in fact ‘pretending’, guessing at the meaning of the words by the shape they made on the page. In this way she taught McConaughey that the word ‘encyclopaedic’ meant train, because ‘it kinda looks like a train, don’t she’.


McConaughey now delights in the written word, though sometimes he does revert to old methods. ‘When I got the script for The Paperboy, I didn’t have much time so I just licked a couple of pages and they tasted okay,’ the McConatron smiles ruefully. ‘I won’t be doing that again.’


Matthew Mcconaughey’s The Brothers Karamazov will be released in 2015.