LEONARDO DICAPRIO CATEGORY ANNOUNCED FOR ACADEMY AWARDS

HOLLYWOOD – A new category and anew award for the ‘Oscars’ or the Motion Picture Academy Awards as they are sometimes called: The Leonardo DiCaprio Award.

Announcing the Award, Motion Picture Academy President Cheryl Boone Isaacs said that the award would be given annually:

It will seek to recognize brilliance and exceptional talent in a motion picture actor, who features in a motion picture in the last calendar year. Although the award will be open to all actors, we are looking to focus on those seasoned performers who have for some reason previously been neglected or disappointed by the Academy. We’re thinking of people like Edward Norton, Tom Cruise, Glenn Close, Johnny Depp, Sigourney Weaver, Harrison Ford, Ed Harris and of course Leonardo DiCaprio.

When asked whether Leonardo diCaprio would win for The Revenant, President Isaacs had this to say:

There is a very good chance Leo might win the Best Actor nomination and eventually the Oscar for Best Actor for his performance. I couldn’t possibly speculate. However, we do know that if he doesn’t, then there’s an even better chance he will win the Best Leonardo diCaprio Oscar. If, that is, Matthew McConaughey doesn’t pip him to the post.

The Oscars will be broadcast on February 28th, 2016.

FANTASTIC FOUR WILL BE NC-17

HOLLYWOOD – Following the announcement that Ryan Reynold’s Deadpool will be R rated, the news came that the Fantastic Four reboot will be NC-17 in what is being viewed as ‘a rating war.’

We all know that comic movies aren’t just for kids and with films such as The Dark Knight Rises and Kick Ass pushing the boundaries and striving for adult audiences, it seems that the new trend is to get darker, more violent and less kid friendly. Earlier this week Ryan Reynolds announced that the long-awaited Deadpool would be an R  rather than the much feared, tame, bloodless and fully clothed PG-13. The New Josh Trank remake of The Fantastic Four has gone one more, forcing the MPAA to award it an NC-17 certificate for what it calls ‘constant cunnilingus’.

Starring Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell and Kate Mara, the new Fantastic Four is an origin story of four young scientist who become a Marvel superhero team following being hit by an awful version of the same film in 2005 and again in 2007. In an attempt to stoke some interest, the team decided early on to put in as much violence and sex as they could. An insider told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

At first we were nervous about the certificate we might get. this is after all a tent pole style film, but after a certain point in filming we just decided to go for it. We actually started to add blood and gore where none was. And once we knew that Deadpool had already got the R rated we knew we’d really need to get pull out the stops and one thing we know that the MPAA can’t stand is the oral pleasuring of females. So the new film is ram packed with endless scenes of said act. I mean it’s wall to wall. Utterly unnecessary.

The Fantastic Four will be released briefly.  

MPAA ADMITS ‘MURDER BETTER THAN FEMALE NIBBLEY-BITS’

HOLLYWOOD – Following Rachel Evan Wood‘s candid criticism of the cuts imposed by the MPAA rating system on The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman, the Motion Picture Association of America has finally ‘come clean’ about its preferences for people being violently murdered to women being pleasured via their nibbley bits.

Ms. Wood had tweeted her response to the MPAA’s rating earlier this week:

The scene where the two main characters make ‘love’ was altered because someone felt that seeing a man give a woman oral sex made people ‘uncomfortable’ but the scenes in which people are murdered by having their heads blown off remained intact and unaltered.

The MPAA today responded:

Look, murder is like an American tradition, right? Whereas cunnilingus was invented in France by Jean Paul Sartre, a well known communist, and so is only suitable for people who don’t shop at Walmart, or eat McDonalds, or live in America. Ms. Wood would perhaps spend her time more profitably killing people with guns rather than fixing her mind on the valley of dirty LICKAGE!!!

The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman will be released tomorrow-ish.  

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.