FIVE WORST MOVIE LISTS LISTED

The Exec takes a stand against lazy film journalism with our Five Worst Movie Lists list. Are you bored of reading list after list in your regular movie news outlets? We bring you the definitive five worst movie lists list that drunk and high film journos submit to their equally drunk and equally high commissioning editors every Friday afternoon rather than do a decent day’s work:

 

5: The Best Movies That Didn’t Win An Oscar

 


Do you really care about the films whose producers and studios didn’t grease enough palms or have enough dirt on the voting members of The Academy? See also – Films that thought they were worthy but actually sucked balls and Martin Scorsese’s best movies.

 

4: Actors To Play The Next James Bond

 


We haven’t even had Daniel Craig’s final film yet. Do you honestly think a producer of Barbara Broccoli’s stature is going to commit to anything until the numbers are in and banked? It’s the most uncertain movie opening of all time. Do pay attention double-0-knucklehead.

 

3: Marvel’s Films Ranked

 


You can replace Marvel with any franchise, star or noteworthy director. They’re not written with any joy and celebration, they want to piss you off with their number 1 choice and goad you into sharing it. CLICK. BAIT. Fishy.

 

2: The Best (Insert Genre) Movies You’ve Never Seen

 


They can’t be that fucking great if nobody has ever seen them. Stop assuming everyone is a bottom feeding moron who only watches whatever it is Buzzfeed tells them to watch. Also, stop signposting how clever you are for appreciating an ‘undiscovered masterpiece’ that we would never have seen if it weren’t for you.


1: Lists About Other Movie Lists

 


Who the hell do you think you are? Why are you telling people what they can and can’t read? But people keep reading the lists and giving these websites hits. Because of that, they keep being commissioned, over and over again.

 


NEXT WEEK – THE EXEC’S HOT TAKE ON TAKES

THE TOP SEVENTEEN TOP 10 MOVIE LISTS

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec presents the top 10 movie lists.

  1. 10 FILMS THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO ACCIDENTALLY TOUCH YOUR GENITALS AFTER CHOPPING CHILLIES AND FORGETTING TO WASH YOUR HANDS.
     
  2. 10 FILMS THAT CAUSE LEPROSY

  3. 10 FILMS FEATURING A DOG URINATING UP A LAMP POST
     
  4. 10 FILMS FEATURING THE LETTERS ‘J’ AND ‘F’
     
  5. 10 FILMS JOHNNY DEPP ISN’T IN
     
  6. 10 FILMS THAT CONTAIN NO REFERENCES TO DUCKS OR CABBAGES
     
  7. 10 FILMS THAT IN THE CASE OF AN EMERGENCY CAN BE USED AS A CRUDE FLOATATION DEVICE
     
  8. 10 FILMS THAT #JUSTINBIEBER, #MILEYCYRUS AND #ONEDIRECTION MIGHT HAVE SEEN ON A PLANE.
     
  9. 10 FILMS YOU SHOULDN’T WATCH BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 2.45 PM AND 4.27 PM IF YOU’RE WEARING A MONOCLE AND TOP HAT.
     
  10. 10 ROBERT ALTMAN FILMS THAT DO NOT FEATURE SOUP, BROTH OR POTTAGE.
     
  11. 10 FILMS YOU SHOULDN’T WATCH WHILST FALLING TO YOUR DEATH FROM A HIGH RISE BUILDING AND LANDING IN A PIT OF CROCODILES.
     
  12. 10 FILMS WITHIN FILMS WITHIN FILMS WITHIN FILMS WITHIN FILMS
     
  13. 10 FILMS THAT ARE NOT THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
     
  14. 10 FILMS YOU SHOULDN’T WATCH WHILST OPERATING HEAVY MACHINERY
     
  15. 10 FILMS THAT ARE SIMILAR TO BREAKING BAD IN THE SENSE THAT THEY ARE TRANSMITTED THROUGH A DEVICE WHICH ALLOWS A PERSON TO VIEW THEM BUT WE’LL MENTION BREAKING BAD BECAUSE IT’S GOOD SEO, INNIT.
     
  16. 10 CHEESES THAT YOU COULD PUT IN A SANDWICH WHILST WATCHING AN ADAM SANDLER FILM
     
  17. 10 FILMS. ANY TEN. PICK TEN AT RANDOM AND COME UP A WITH A TENUOUS CONNECTION THAT WILL COMPEL PEOPLE TO CLICK THE LINK AND GIVE ME OODLES OF AD MONEY.