The Exec takes a stand against lazy film journalism with our Five Worst Movie Lists list. Are you bored of reading list after list in your regular movie news outlets? We bring you the definitive five worst movie lists list that drunk and high film journos submit to their equally drunk and equally high commissioning editors every Friday afternoon rather than do a decent day’s work:
5: The Best Movies That Didn’t Win An Oscar
Do you really care about the films whose producers and studios didn’t grease enough palms or have enough dirt on the voting members of The Academy? See also – Films that thought they were worthy but actually sucked balls and Martin Scorsese’s best movies.
4: Actors To Play The Next James Bond
We haven’t even had Daniel Craig’s final film yet. Do you honestly think a producer of Barbara Broccoli’s stature is going to commit to anything until the numbers are in and banked? It’s the most uncertain movie opening of all time. Do pay attention double-0-knucklehead.
3: Marvel’s Films Ranked
You can replace Marvel with any franchise, star or noteworthy director. They’re not written with any joy and celebration, they want to piss you off with their number 1 choice and goad you into sharing it. CLICK. BAIT. Fishy.
2: The Best (Insert Genre) Movies You’ve Never Seen
They can’t be that fucking great if nobody has ever seen them. Stop assuming everyone is a bottom feeding moron who only watches whatever it is Buzzfeed tells them to watch. Also, stop signposting how clever you are for appreciating an ‘undiscovered masterpiece’ that we would never have seen if it weren’t for you.
1: Lists About Other Movie Lists
Who the hell do you think you are? Why are you telling people what they can and can’t read? But people keep reading the lists and giving these websites hits. Because of that, they keep being commissioned, over and over again.