BRUCE WILLIS’S FACE MOVED

HOLLYWOOD – The movie world was sent into shock earlier today with rumors and unconfirmed reports that Bruce Willis’s face moved. It is not known if Bruce Willis’s face moved in a professional capacity for a role, something which hasn’t happened for over 15 years. The Exec spoke with his manager, Aaron Jobsworth to see if there was any truth to the rumors.

Is There Any Truth To The Rumor That Bruce Willis’s Face Moved Earlier Today?

I can neither confirm or deny the rumor at this current time. You will appreciate the magnitude of such a possibility and Bruce has his whole team around him. We will help establish the facts and provide support at this difficult time.

Were There Any Witnesses?

We are looking into the possibility that a member of the public may have witnessed the incident. It is seems that Bruce was afflicted with an extreme bout of flatulence after leaving his favorite restaurant, ‘We Are Onions’. It’s on Pico Boulevard, right next to Tech Noir. Bruce’s rectum prolapsed with the fart’s force and his face may have suffered an expression.

Is This Account From The Witness?

Not directly. The witness is still under heavy sedation and has yet to be interviewed. We’re trying to put the pieces together as much as we can. We have asked Bruce to comment, but as he’s going off-script, we’re not expecting much back from him.

When Was The Last Confirmed Expression From Bruce?

The last official sighting of a facial expression came way back in 2012’s Moonrise Kingdom. This was his final foray into quirky cinema. As you can imagine, we all have our fingers crossed for Bruce at this difficult time. If this turns out to be true, it could be devastating for his straight to DVD career.

We’ll Bring You More On This Breaking Story As We Get It.

WHY BRUCE WILLIS WAS FIRED FROM WOODY ALLEN MOVIE

NEW YORK – Woody Allen today revealed for the first time why Bruce Willis left his new movie, even though shooting had already begun with the actor.

When Bruce Willis left the new Woody Allen as yet untitled movie, rumors immediately began to fly as to the reason. The official explanation was that it was due to scheduling problems as Willis was due to appear on Broadway in an adaptation of the Stephen King novel Misery. However, Woody Allen popped in to the Studio Exec New York penthouse to dish the dirt.

So Woody, how come Bruce left the new picture?

Oh he isn’t funny. The man is not funny. I remember him being wonderful in Moonlighting, a real light touch but something must have happened and he just hasn’t got it anymore. I thought he was good in Moonrise Kingdom as well. So when I was directing him, I said “how come you’re not funny? And you were funny in Moonrise Kingdom and Moonlighting, so what is it?” and he told me that he was only funny if there was a moon in the title. So I decided right there and then to change the title of the movie from Blintzes Ahoy! to Moon, but then someone told me there was already a movie called that and then someone else, I think it was Alan Alda told me that I’d made a film recently called Magic in the Moonlight, so I changed the title back! And goodbye Bruce.

Jesus! How’d he take it?

He was angry but I got the feeling that he was relieved. Rumor is he doesn’t really like working that much anyway. Turned out that Sylvester Stallone had fired him from Expendables 3 and I think Bruce just isn’t that interested anymore.

Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart are still in the cast however and filming continues.

The Twilight Blintzes Network will be released in 2016.

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.