FOXCATCHER: REVIEW

FOXCATCHER: REVIEW – Steve Carrell plays Mr. Burns from The Simpsons as he uses his money and influence to help build a wrestling team with Magic Mike (Channing Tatum) and his brother, the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo).

Capote and Moneyball director Bennett Miller continues his love of single word titles and his forensic exploration of the behind the scenes of competitive sport. Based on a bizarre true story, Carrell is John duPont, a multimillionaire whose taste for wrestling  sees him finance and increasingly manipulate the lives of Mark (Tatum) and then Dave Shultz (Ruffalo), two wrestling champion brothers. Mark is the impressionable dolt, raw power, jutting jaw, a decent guy, but exactly the sort of tabula rasa that duPont can lord over. Dave, on the other hand, is a man who knows himself, a  keen study of character blinded only by his wish to see the good in everyone.

Miller’s film is ultimately about the corrosive effect of too much money on almost everything. DuPont is the unhappy man Goethe warned us about, capable of poisoning everything, plagued by delusions of grandeur but with the wealth to bankroll those delusions into traps for other people. The acting is superb, Carrell finds an older, richer variation on his Mike Scott persona, and Tatum shows himself to be a fine character actor and Ruffalo is as charismatic and watchable as ever, as everything DuPont would like to be.

Come Oscar season there will be talk, but that’s trivia. Foxcatcher’s dark satire needs no glitz or affirmation. By they way, [SPOILER ALERT] there is no fox and no one catches it.

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VITALII SEDIUK SLAPS BRAD PITT

HOLLYWOOD – In a successful attempt to gain international media attention, Ukrainian prankster Vitalli Sediuk has slapped Brad Pitt.

The incident occurred at around 7.30 in Los Angeles, when Pitt, accompanying Angelina Jolie, was attending the red carpet opening of her film Malificent.

Sediuk was wrestled to the floor by security personnel and taken into custody by police but not before landing what onlookers described as a girly slap on Mr. Pitt. LAPD issued a statement saying that they regretted the incident:

But rest assured, Mr. Pitt will be invited down to the holding cells where he will be given the option of ‘having a friendly chat’ with Mr. Sediuk while we got out for coffee and cigarettes, if you know what we mean.

This is not the first time the Ukrainian prankster has annoyed the shit out of everyone. He once accepted a Grammy for Adele after crashing the award ceremony. However, things have not always gone Mr. Sediuk’s way, like when  he tried to kiss Will Smith and received an opened handed admonition on personal space from the Fresh Prince. 

Following this latest incident, international leader Vladimir Putin – a huge fan of Moneyball weighed in – telling the New York Times to send Sediuk over to Moscow. ‘He will be doing the piss sitting down for the rest of his life,’ said the Russian premier, who categorically hates all Ukrainians.  

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JUDGE RULES TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE ‘TOO BORING’

HOLLYWOOD – Los Angeles Judge Deborah Fisherton said on Monday that she was inclined to dismiss the lawsuit against Warner Bros. for copyright infringement on its baseball comedy Trouble with the Curve because she ‘didn’t fancy watching the film’.

The Federal judge has now dismissed the case.

She further commented in a ten page memorandum:

Usually I like Clint Eastwood films, but this one just doesn’t grab me. You know, baseball comedy? I liked Money Ball but wasn’t that more the exception that proves the rule? And Justin Timberlake? I mean really?

The defendant’s cross motion RE similarity was granted and the plaintiff’s motion RE continuance was denied, and the plaintiff and defendants’ joint cross motion for similar discontinuance ruled inadmissible because it just simply doesn’t make any sense and perhaps they just got the words mixed up.

The ruling was greeted with joy by a Warner Bros. spokesperson, who was allowed under a little used penalty clause to hold the plaintiff’s arm and repeatedly flap it into the plaintiff’s face while shrieking ‘Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself.’

Trouble with the Curve will have been wiped from the face of collective memory sometime in 2015.