HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise yesterday attempted suicide by climbing out on the wing of an Airbus A400 M as it flew over the English countryside.

Cruise – who was filming Mission Impossible 5 at the time – apparently left the air-plane following words with the film’s director Christopher McQuarrie.

An eye witness told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Tom had this icy calmness about himself. Chris had said something. I don’t know what but he was obviously upset because the next minute he put on the safety harness and climbed out onto the wing. I was like ‘What the…!’ And Chris McQuarrie was trying to talk him back into the plane. I mean Chris was so cool, he just made out like it was a scene from the film and shouted things like ‘Look determined! More heroic!’ and when he felt that he was getting through he finally shouted ‘Cut!’ and Cruise’s head went down and he climbed back into the plane.

What happened next?

Everyone just maintained the fiction that it was all part of the film. Just a scene. They were high-five-ing each other and talking about how this would shit on James Bond. I couldn’t believe it. They were so callous.

Is it possible that this was a scene from the film and not a suicide attempt?

Well, that would explain everything. The facts if you will. But I don’t know. I mean I think it was a cry for help. I did wonder why he was putting on a safety harness if he was trying to kill himself.

So it might be it was just the scene from the film?

No. I mean. Who would climb out onto the wing of an air-plane just to shoot a scene? It doesn’t make any sense.

Tom Cruise has a history of trying to kill himself and then passing them off as elaborate set pieces in the increasingly distraught action franchise Mission Impossible. Psychologist Tammy Barlett assures us this is typical of the narcissistic depressive:

You look at Mr. Cruise’s oeuvre and you will see a repeated attempt to end it all.  And I shall demonstrate: Top Gun: dog fights. Mission Impossible 2: dangling from a cliff face. Mission Impossible 4: wants to jump off the highest building in the world. Eyes Wide Shut: dehydration.

Mission Impossible 5: Goodbye Cruel World will be released in 2015.