PETER JACKSON TO REBOOT LORD OF THE RINGS

HOBBITON – Following the universally despised The Hobbit Trilogy, Peter Jackson reveals he is to return once more to Middle Earth to realize his dream project: a complete reboot of The Lord of the Rings.

If you thought you’d seen the last of Middle Earth, think again as Peter Jackson is currently preparing a remake of his own trilogy.

The Lovely Bones director swung round the Studio Exec Hobbit Hole to speak EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

I was finishing up the last effects shots of The Hobbit and we’d been in discussions about what to do next. Fran reminded me of the Tin Tin film, but frankly I haven’t heard from Steven since 2013, so I think we’ve both decided to write that one off. Then it came to me why not go back to the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring.

A remake?

Yes. I’m very proud of those films, but re-watching them I realize there’s so much that I had to leave out.

Like Tom Bombadil?

Exactly like Tom Bombadil. There’s a whole musical number to be done there. Look at the start of The Hobbit. We kept the music in that film and I think everyone can see that it really worked. Not to mention the fact that there’s a whole generation who have yet to see them. And who wants to see an old man like Orlando Bloom when we can get Andrew Garfield in. We can show these films 25,000 frames per second and in 3D IMAX.

Will there be any significant changes?

As I say the originals do hold up, but I’m going to divide them into three films each, because there’s a lot of material in the appendices. And who doesn’t love appendices?

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship will be released in 2018 with Lord of the Rings: Of the Ring due in 2019. 

THE HOBBIT IS BANNED FROM MIDDLE EARTH

MIDDLE EARTH – The Peter Jackson trilogy of The Hobbit will not be screened in Middle Earth following a ban on the movies by King Aragorn, the ruler of the mythical land.

A spokesperson from Minas Tirith said:

The racism and inaccuracies of Mr. Jackson’s film make it entirely unsuitable for viewing here. I mean not only is it very offensive, but frankly audiences here would just laugh it out of the room.

What kind of inaccuracies do you object to?

To begin with, the ethnicity is all cockeyed. Elves are black in reality and Orcs are white, all Orcs, not just one made up one. The Hobbits themselves are portrayed as tiny people, little people. Well, all the Hobbits I know are six footers at least. Jackson also shows a certain bigotry in his portrayal of Smaug, The record shows that Smaug actually was a very generous dragon who died of old age and was grieved by everyone here in Middle Earth.

The ban comes after Ridley Scott’s Exodus: Gods and Kings received a similar ban from Egypt who told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he was in complete solidarity with Peter Jackson:

This is an attack on the freedom of artists to use their imagination.

Jackson himself released the following statement:

Although I have taken some artistic liberties with the ethnicity of the characters and have changed some facts in order to inject some narrative peril, The Hobbit movies represent a deeper truth. The authorities of Middle Earth have obviously ignored that fact that money.

For more on The Hobbit and Peter Jackson CLICK HERE.

THE HOBBIT GETS A NEW TITLE

HOLLYWOOD – The final Hobbit film got a new title this morning with an announcement made by director Peter Jackson after a screening of an early cut of the films.

The Kiwi director told the world’s press:

It was a difficult decision because so much hinges on the title and the mood we want to set, but we thought that one of the main differences from the book that we had worked into the film as a way of padding it out, seemed so incongruous and downright wrong that the only way of covering up our shameful lac of originality and general viciousness was to make that the title, so it looks like that’s what we wanted to do all along. 

The Hobbit: We Bought a Zoo will be released in December.

PETER JACKSON EYES LORD OF THE RINGS SEQUELS

WELLINGTON – Lord of the Rings director, Peter Jackson talked post Hobbit projects this morning with Studio Exec  and his plans look set to excite Middle Earth fanatics everywhere.

‘We have been looking at making stand-alone sequels to each of the films in the original trilogy which would seek to exploit squeeze dry rape  pay homage to the world Tolkien created,’ the Bad Taste director, Peter Jackson said, smiling weakly.

The first films would go into production in 2014 and would be directed by Guillermo Del Toro: ‘We hire him and then we fire him,’ Jackson giggled. ‘It’s fun.’

According to Jackson the script of the first film is already done and the outlines of the other two films are coming into shape. ‘The first film will be The Fellowship of the Ring Rides Again,’ said The Lovely Bones. ‘Followed by The Two Towers Two. Fran wanted this one to be called The Four Towers and so that might change. And rounding off our new trilogy will be The Return of the Return of the King, which we hope will win twenty two Oscars.’

How would Jackson respond to criticism that he was milking Tolkien pretty dry?

I’d probably throw money at them. Ha ha ha. No, I’d pay someone to throw money at them. Ha ha ha. No, but seriously. I could probably throw the money myself. And I have a lot of it, so that would probably do the trick. Bags of coins, or gold bars or something. I could hire a helicopter and drop it on them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, but seriously, what people don’t understand is that Tolkien was an inveterate scribbler. We have shopping lists, letters he wrote, his homework from when he was a kid, graffiti he wrote in Oxford in Elvish. So lots to be going on with. 

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