BANKSY REVEALED TO BE HUGH GRANT

LONDON – Infamous street artist and director and subject of Exit Through the Gift Shop, Banksy has finally revealed his true identity to be none other than Four Weddings and a Funeral star Hugh Grant.

The Mickey Blue Eyes star told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

It started off as something of a joke, a way of relaxing. I was coming home from a late night with Alan Rickman one night and I said, ‘Here’s larks Alan. Lets paint two policemen snogging!’ Well, Alan thought the idea ripping. The next morning I woke up and the clothes I was sleeping in were specked with paint and I had a vague memory of doing something naughty. It was only when I was on my way to get the paper that I saw the mural and realised what I’d done.

So it was initially an act of light hearted vandalism?

Quite right. A jape if you will. But it soon became more serious. I started thinking in images and I do like and admire street artists so I began to emulate them and I became much more ambitious and as I did my image became progressively more political and even revolutionary.

Did you ever fear you’d be found out?

Not after I got caught with the prostitute. I knew that was the perfect ruse. You see the media had me pegged as a floppy haired fop with a taste for the rough. A perfect cover for what I was becoming: a latter day William Blake, a visionary visual artist with a thirst for overcoming social injustice and thumbing my nose at the authorities. I would sit on the set of About a Boy and doodle new ideas. Once Renee Zellwegger spotted my notebook, but luckily she was squiffy and couldn’t make much sense of it. Bless.

What inspired you to reveal yourself now?

I want to start getting some more credit. I know I’m not the best actor in the world, but my street art has really gained recognition. There’s a deleted scene of Exit through the Gift Shop where I reveal who I am but we cut it out because we knew that everyone would think it was a joke and I’m tired of being one of those.

Hugh Grant’s new one man show Banksy and Me will be showing at the Old Vic in 2015.

HUGH GRANT BUILDS HUGE WOODEN TEMPLE TO HIMSELF

CAMBRIDGE – Hugh Grant – media activist, friend to the tabloids and ‘actor’ – has announced plans to build a huge wooden temple dedicated to the worship of himself.

The Mickey Blue Eyes star will start construction on the massive project in the Spring following the passing of planning permission by the Gloucester County Council. 

The temple is based on an Inca temple where human sacrifices regularly took place. Mr. Grant – star of such films as Sirens and Nine Months – said that he wasn’t planning on sacrificing anybody, ‘although there are a few photographers I’ll happily murder p’ha, p’ha, mmmmmm!’

The news comes as part of a disturbing trend of Hollywood actors turning themselves into objects of fervent devotion. Already the Church of the Latter Day Randy Quaids has grown exponentially and is now the biggest religion in the world surpassing more traditional covenants such as Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
‘It is mainly based on his role in Kingpin,’ said church elder, Charlie Bread.
Tom Cruise – a famous actor – also decided that he wanted to set the record straight about Scientology which many regard as a dangerous cult.
‘It is a dangerous cult,’ he said.
Grant in the meantime denies.