MICK JAGGER TO STAR IN FREEJACK 2

HOLLYWOOD – Mick Jagger has announced he will star in Freejack 2: Jumping Freejack Flash.

Freejack 2: Jumping Freejack Flash will star rock god, Mick Jagger.

Hot on the tails of the 1992 mega smash hit Freejack, Jagger has announced the sequel will start shooting next month. The Studio Exec caught up with the frontman who told us all about the film:
“It’s going to be wild, just like you knew it would, man. This time, I aint no street fightin’ man. I’m like Anthony Hopkins was in the first film. I can’t get me no satisfaction, because I’m near death. So, under cover of the night, I go back in time and I’m this midnight rambler waiting on a friend who I can possess and be young again. I feel sorry for him, because you gotta have sympathy for the devil, man.

I fall in love with a girl called Angie and I think time is on my side but I become addicted to gambling and she leaves me because she’s not under my thumb. I just can’t stay away from those tumbling dice, wild horses couldn’t drag me away. Then Emilio Estevez shows up and he’s like, ‘What’s the matter with you boy? You’re a fool to cry.’

I asked Keith what he thought about the script and he said it made perfect sense to him. That was good enough for me. We’re making this thing, it’s gonna be out of sight man.”

Freejack 2: Jumping Freejack Flash starts shooting next month.

STILL NO VINYL SEASON 2 PROTESTS

ISTANBUL – There have been no further protests against the cancellation of HBO’s Vinyl after only one season.

The drama series Vinyl was cancelled after only one season, but feared demonstrations have failed to materialize. The show starred Bobby Carnevale as a record label executive in the 1970s. It was produced by Martin Scorsese and Mick Jagger and run by Terrence Winter. Despite high production values, big name talent and incessant music, the show failed to find an audience and although HBO announced it was to make a second season, it u-turned and definitively cancelled the show.

A spokesperson for  HBO told the Studio Exec:

We were very worried that we were going to get all sorts of blowback. Fan petitions, street demonstrations and hate mail. But none of that happened. In fact, it’s been really quiet.

Rumors that the failed coup in Turkey was partly caused by the cancellation of the show were later proven to be unfounded.

Vinyl: the Movie will be announced next Tuesday and cancelled next Wednesday.

THE KURGAN HUNTS KEITH RICHARDS AS THE GATHERING APPROACHES

HOLLYWOOD – As the Gathering approaches, sources reveal that the Kurgan is in the United States of America and is hunting Keith Richards.

Concerns have been raised following the news that the Kurgan is currently on the loose and hunting down Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. Kurgan watchers in Russia noted his absence several months ago, but it was presumed that he was off on a shopping/killing spree.

‘Every now and then the Kurgan feels the itch and if he doesn’t surface in some war torn part of the world he’s usually at Harrods in London running up a massive credit card bill,’ said Kurgan watcher P.E. Stephens.  However, when the Kurgan resurfaced once more he was no longer in Europe and rumors have it that he is on the trail of noted guitarist and Johnny Depp imitator Keith Richards.

Stephens continues:

It isn’t the best news in the world for Richards. The Kurgan is a formidable opponent and the recent death of Lord Byron, sorry you knew him I think as David Bowie, shows that something is happening with the Immortals and that usually signals the approach of the Gathering. The moment when the Immortals must come together and fight for the Prize, usually a record deal or a movie. I think this year it’s going to be a series on HBO.

However, fans of the grizzled rocker are keen to point that Keith has so far defeated all comers and stands a good chance against the Russian bruiser. Friend and bandmate Charlie Watts told the Studio Exec:

Keith don’t have nuffin to worry about. That Kurgan geezer? Keith shits tougher shits than him every morning and flushes them away.

The Gathering will be televised on Fox in August.

FIRST IMAGE OF AXL ROSE IN STAR WARS MUSICAL: MAX REBO LIVE

HOLLYWOOD – The first image from stand-alone Star Wars musical Max Rebo Live features Guns n Roses singer Axl Rose, rocking with the band.

After The Force Awakens and Rogue One comes the first Star Wars musical Max Rebo Live, starring Axl Rose and Bono. Director Martin Scorsese talked about the project.

I’ve resisted for a long time the whole Star Wars thing. Frankly Science Fiction is not a genre that I’m that interested in, but when Disney approached me about doing a concert film for the Max Rebo band in Jabba the Hutt’s court, all I heard was the words ‘concert film’.

What’s the story Marty?

First off, there really isn’t a story. I mean this is Star Wars so who gives a shit, am I right? We’re just going to have a load of rock and roll legends perform science fiction versions of their top hits and I’m going to film the whole thing with about seven cameras and hope some sort of narrative comes out in the editing room.

With the Terrence Malick and Kevin James Star Wars films coming up, are you worried that there might be too many?

Not at all. We offer something very different. In the Seventies Terry was making Days of Heaven and I was making Mean Streets and Taxi Driver. But now we’re living in an age of comic books and franchises and no one gives a shit about original story telling anymore. So as far as I’m concerned, I just want to play some music and get it on.

What songs can we expect to hear?

Axl is going to play Sweet Wookie of Mine and Welcome to the Jungle Moon. Mick Jagger and the Stones are going to play Sympathy for the Vader. And Paul McCartney will play Hey Jedi.

Star wars: Max Bebo Live will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

5 THINGS THAT WENT WRONG WITH VINYL

NEW YORK – The new HBO show Vinyl is awful, but why?

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad into the heart of the music business to find out what went wrong with the Martin Scorsese, Terrence Winter and Mick Jagger drama.

  1. Martin Scorsese, Terrence Winter and Mick Jagger are too in love with their subject. What should be the background to the drama – the music – is actually foregrounded. The drama of Richie Finestra (Bobby Cannavale) and his wife Devon (Olivia Wilde) is so uninteresting that the show runners have no compunction in interrupting whatever is happening with a beautifully shot but essentially irrelevant music video. When the artists aren’t interested in their own characters, how can we expect the audience to give a shit?
  2. The building collapse that ended the way too long pilot might have happened in reality – read about the true story here – but if God was a screenwriter I would have fired him. It was a lazy grab at a visually interesting WTF! moment which beggared belief and gave the feeling that Terrence Winter had decided he didn’t have a kitchen sink to throw at the pilot, but he’d throw anything else he could lay his hands on.
  3. Famous people clutter the scene. Vinyl is set in the hay day of the seventies as punk begins to rear its dirty head on the horizon. The legendary groups such as Led Zeppelin and Jethro Tull are about to give way to the New York Dolls and The Stranglers, The Sex Pistols and The Clash. The cultural shift takes place in episode two. But we also get to see The Velvet Underground in flashback. This is essentially the same arc as Mad Men, but whereas advertising features famous brands rather than people, the constant name dropping and cameos of rock gods and punk godfathers is distracting and kind of irritating. I’ve seen the documentary footage of Led Zeppelin’s famously incendiary manager yelling backstage and it was better than the glimpse we had.
  4. The Seventies. Sorry to mention Mad Men again, but that shows pristine production design was entirely in keeping with the shiny lines of its historical moment. In comparison Vinyl looks to CD or MP3. It’s too glossy. The women are millennial beauties; the musicians are talent show handsome. The punk band look like Coldplay cosplaying punk. In fact this whole venture feels like a very expensive, dramatically arid cosplay.
  5. Enough of the Don Draper shit already. US TV has been dominated now for years by protagonists who are all powerful men who do bad shit but we end up rooting for them regardless. From Tony Soprano and Walter White, to whoever Steve Buscemi was playing in Boardwalk Empire and Don Draper, so Richie is another such. His back story demands we take him seriously as the genuine article, but he is essentially another male power fantasy, surrounded by assholes – the Germans in the Polygram subplot has to go down as the easiest kowtowing to audience prejudice ever – who gets to be at the center of things. Like with Don Draper, we are supposed to respect the machinations and ‘creative genius’ of someone who is basically a business executive. He’s honest about ripping off the artists, but we’re supposed to like him. The musicians are seen as feckless dandies who need forming by the solid acumen of Richie. This is the Steve Jobs version of history and as much as I admire the promotion of Executives as ‘the unacknowledged legislators of mankind’, answer me this. If they were so all powerful, why did they put up with Ray Romano’s supremely irritating voice?

 For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE!

MICK JAGGER AND DAVID BOWIE TEAM UP FOR PILATES FOR PENSIONERS

HOLLYWOOD – The last time they teamed up they were Dancing in the Street for Live Aid, but now David Bowie and Mick Jagger are at it again, this time producing and starring in a keep fit program for Senior Citizens.

Well, a-wright,’ said Mick Jagger (70), explaining his decision to collaborate with long time enemy Bowie. ‘Getcha, getcha, getcha. Aw, c’mon!’ 

David Bowie (67) was equally enthusiastic:

You’ve got your quads and your core. You’ve got stretches, and the low burn exercises, gentle-like. Because this is for the oldies, isn’t it? For people in their Golden Years (wah wah wah). We still want be young and dance, don’t we? But the body goes through Ch-ch-changes!

Jagger added:

At our age you can’t always get what you want, so you try sometimes … to ask someone else to get it for you.

Bowie:

If it’s on a shelf that’s too high.

Why pilates?

Jagger:

Dunno.

Bowie:

Haven’t a clue. Money, probably. I played Pontius Pilates once in a film.

Jagger: 

Did ya?

Bowie: 

A Martin Scorsese film, Michael. 

Jagger: 

Oooh! Get her.


Mick Jagger and David Bowie Do Pilates will be available only for illegal download and sniggering.