REMAKE WATCH: JAMES CAMERON RAISES THE TITANIC

James Cameron – explorer, film maker and philosopher – has declared his intention to remake one of the dullest action films ever made Raise the Titanic. The original film was directed by Jerry Jameson and starred Richard Jordan as Dirk Pitts and Jason Robards as Admiral Old. ‘What attracted me to the original was the name Titanic and the fact I could use the excuse of the film to actually raise the actual Titanic,’ said the King of the World. ‘Actually.’

Wow, that’s amazing! When’s that going to happen?

Well, we wanted to but it turned out that it would actually be quite expensive, and there were some namby pamby stuff about there being dead people down there. But who cares right? I mean come on that was like two hundred years ago or something.

Who is going to star in it?

I don’t have anyone to star in it but Michelle Rodriguez and Sam Worthington are going to be in it.

And when is this going to happen?

I have a number of other projects in the pipeline so i won’t be expecting to do it any time soon. Perhaps April.

  

FAST AND FURIOUS 6 WILL NOT FEATURE CARS

HOLLYWOOD – Vin Diesel has spoken for the first time about the new Fast and Furious film which is currently filming and is due out in May next year, and what he said might come as a surprise to fans of the franchise which has taken the car chase movie from the stern gritty social realism of The Cannonball Run and made it lighter, fluffier and more disposable.
The new film – directed by Justin Lin – will feature Diesel alongside Michelle Rodgriguez and Dwayne (Don’t Call me The Rock) ‘The Rock’ Johnson and looks sets to be something of a departure from previous entries if Diesel is to be believed.

Justin said you know what, I’m bored of cars what if we just get rid of them and really break new ground? We all looked like him as if he was crazy but then we thought hell, why not? This shit has been getting old for a while now. So the whole movie – there’s this brief prologue that explains why we can’t use cars – then the rest of the movies takes place on Space Hoppers.  

Co-star Alan Alda said, ‘I was looking forward to getting behind the wheel of a car. I’m no spring chicken so when they told me I’d be doing Fast and Furious, I was delighted because I assumed I’d be able to relax. But then all the Space Hopper scenes meant it was more exhausting than ever. Assholes.’

FAST AND FURIOUS 6 WILL NOT FEATURE CARS

HOLLYWOOD – Vin Diesel has spoken for the first time about the new Fast and Furious film which is currently filming and is due out in May next year, and what he said might come as a surprise to fans of the franchise which has taken the car chase movie from the stern gritty social realism of The Cannonball Run and made it lighter, fluffier and more disposable.
The new film – directed by Justin Lin – will feature Diesel alongside Michelle Rodgriguez and Dwayne (Don’t Call me The Rock) ‘The Rock’ Johnson and looks sets to be something of a departure from previous entries if Diesel is to be believed.

Justin said you know what, I’m bored of cars what if we just get rid of them and really break new ground? We all looked like him as if he was crazy but then we thought hell, why not? This shit has been getting old for a while now. So the whole movie – there’s this brief prologue that explains why we can’t use cars – then the rest of the movies takes place on Space Hoppers.  

Co-star Alan Alda said, ‘I was looking forward to getting behind the wheel of a car. I’m no spring chicken so when they told me I’d be doing Fast and Furious, I was delighted because I assumed I’d be able to relax. But then all the Space Hopper scenes meant it was more exhausting than ever. Assholes.’