DONALD TRUMP HIRES MICHAEL MOORE

HOLLYWOOD – Donald Trump has once more shaken up his campaign by hiring Flint documentary filmmaker Michael Moore as a new campaign head.

It is the second time in two months that Donald Trump has changed top personnel in his campaign for President. And his choice is going to strike many as a strange one. Documentary filmmaker and Oscar winner Michael Moore has been given the role of senior adviser to Mr. Trump and will also craft some of the TV ads that have been noticeably absent from his campaign. A statement from the Trump camp read:

Michael is a winner and although we don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye on many issues, including my presidential campaign, I fully believe in placing winners in important positions around me. Michael understands America and what makes America great. I’m sure we will work well together.

Paul Manafort, the campaign chairman, will retain his title. But the staffing change, hammered out on Sunday and set to be formally announced Wednesday morning, was seen by some as a demotion for Mr. Manafort. The strangeness of the choice was even more marked as Michael Moore had published a post on his blog claiming that Mr. Trump was deliberately trying to lose the Presidential election or better still somehow get disqualified before it took place. He reacted to the news of his promotion with a short two word post which said, ‘You see?’

The Election will take place shortly after The Purge.

CLINT EASTWOOD ‘WAS A NAZI’

HOLLYWOOD – American Sniper director Clint Eastwood has been accused of being a Nazi after photographs of the young Clint dressed in a Wehrmacht uniform leaked onto the net.

The furor is only likely to add fuel to the fire of controversy currently raging around the octogenarian’s latest film and Oscar hopeful American Sniper which tells the story of a sniper who is American, but not Lee Harvey Oswald.

Documentarian and Fox News expert Michael Moore told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Clint’s films have often played with right wing ideology. Dirty Harry was called a fascist by Pauline Kael among others, and although the original film retained some ambiguity, the later manifestations were more straightforwardly right wing fantasies. Now what these photographs apparently show is Clint Eastwood dressed as a German soldier circa 1943. In other words at the height of the Nazi Reich’s power. And from this draw what you may.

However, supporters of the Every Which Way But Loose star said that the photographs actually come from a film called Where Eagles Dare, in which Clint ‘played’ a Nazi. Moore was having none of it.

That’s just hair-splitting. Whether he was a Nazi or he played a Nazi in a film the important thing surely is that the word Nazi and the words Clint Eastwood have appeared in a sentence together. And that has to be worth something. I mean, where there’s smoke, surely there has to be fire?

But surely lots of actors have played Nazis, Malcolm McDowell, Ralph Fiennes, Max Von Sydow, Tom Cruise and Christoph Waltz have all donned the uniform.

It only goes to show how bad the problem is.

Clint Eastwood has so far refused to comment, as he was busy working on his new film Triumph of the American Will. 

MICHAEL MOORE’S TED BUNDY DOC REVEALS TERRIBLE SECRET

HOLLYWOOD – Michael Moore is set to return to cinema screens with his revealing documentary of serial killer Ted Bundy, entitled The Hidden Man.

Described as a change in direction, Michael Moore dropped by to discuss his obsession with Ted Bundy, who confessed to thirty homicides and was executed in 1989.

I’m aslways getting hit with this political thing. As if that’s all I can do. Fahrenheit 9/11 and Capitalism: a Love Story fed into that but really I’m interested above all in people and why people do the strangest things and Ted Bundy is about as strange as they come.

There have been many documentaries and books about Ted Bundy. What will make your film different?

We will reveal the ‘hidden man’ behind the legend of the monster. Hence the title. One of our major revelations is that Bundy was an active member of the Republican Party. Yes, he was a serial killer; yes we’ll never know exactly how many victims he murdered, but what we do know is that he was active at a high level in several campaigns in Washington State. He was involved in the re-election campaign of Governor Evans in 1968 and was hired as an assistant to the Chairman of the Washington State Republican Party.

But surely his politics and his psychopathy were unrelated?

Who’s to say? All I know is that the GOP are certainly not keen to be reminded that Ted Bundy was one of their number and an active and enthusiastic member of the party.

Ted Bundy: The Hidden Man will be released on Tuesday.

5 FILM DIRECTORS WHO TAKE THEIR NAMES FROM GEOGRAPHICAL FEATURES

HOLLYWOOD – We know here at Studio Exec that the internet isn’t just about porn; it’s also about lists. Knowing more about films means making lists, lists, lists. We have more lists than a Hungarian pianist’s repertoire.

And so we’re proud to present our 5 directors who take their names from geographical features.

 

1. Michael Bay: He might be the most practiced air conditioning unit dodger and robot toy franchise director in the history of multi-angled explosions but did you know Michael Bay’s name actually means body of water by an isthmus of a river?

2. Steven Spielberg: You definitely don’t know that Mr. Jurassic Park has a surname which is actually German for ‘talking mountain’. Ironically, John Milius is Latin for ‘Jew in a baseball cap’. 

3. Oliver Stone: Admittedly the JFK director tends towards the geological, but Stone is proud of his geographic marker and makes a point of standing by standing stones whenever he sees a standing stone to stand by.  

4. Michael Moore: The Fahrenheit 9/11 director likes nothing more than eating a large curry and then warning everyone that there’s a wind on the moor tonight. He’s also famous for his sense of humor.  

5. Walter Hill: Inspired by the work of Benny Hill to become a film director, the young Walter Kubrick got himself down to the town hall and changed his name and the rest is history.

MICHAEL MOORE TO JOIN FOX NEWS FOR HANNITY AND MOORE

NEW YORK – In a shock move today, Fox News announced that Michael Moore will be joining the Fair and Balanced team to partner up with right wing commentator Sean Hannity for a new show to be called Hannity & Moore.

A nervous looking Moore – who is most famous for radical left wing documentaries like Fahrenheit 9/11 and Bowling for Columbine – read from a prepared statement:

Television news
cock juice

I have long berated Fox for its bias and yet I have also admired the technical skill with which it reaches out to an audience and provides them with entertaining propaganda. I – in my own little way – have tried to do likewise and when Mr. Rupert Murdoch personally telephoned me and said ‘Michael, come and join us, put your point of view, receive into your back account several millions of dollars’ it was very hard to refuse and so I didn’t.

Moore will be replacing Alan Colmes who previously duked it out with lunk Hannity on behalf of liberals, or
alternatively was an insect like punching bag that allowed Fox to pretend it was unbiased while loading the dice in the favor of conservatives. Sean Hannity said that he was excited at the opportunity to tear a strip off of Moore:

Me and Mike disagree on practically everything so there’ll be plenty of fireworks and before you ask, yes I am going to call him fatso every opportunity I get. The fat f*ck.

Others on the network were not as welcoming. Bill O’Reilly for one said that now Fox News would be unbalanced because ‘Moore’s so Goddam fat’.

Hannity & Moore begins next Thursday on Fox News.

EDWARD SNOWDEN LANDS LEAD IN WARGAMES 2

HONG KONG – Edward J. Snowden, heroic whistleblower/traitor,  has landed the lead role in Disney’s forthcoming WarGames 2: Electric Boogaloo, a sequel to the 1983 John Badhem directed movie which gave Matthew Broderick and the threat of geeks to the world.

The film will also represent a return to fiction cinema for director Michael Moore after his previous unhappy disaster Canadian Bacon actually killed people it was so unfunny.

Moore told the Studio Exec:

I’m a great admirer of Edward Snowden and what he managed to do with computers and stuff against the dark and powerful machinations of the secret government, and at the same time, I was in a meeting with all these Disney suits and we were talking about a sequel to Bowling for Columbine, but then one of them mentioned the WarGames 2 property and it clicked. Computers, geeks, taking over the world, the world in crisis! The military! Amazing. And Snowden would be perfect.

Why cast a non-actor like Mr. Snowden?

Originally they were looking at Julian Assange, but chances are he’d be in Ecuador by the time we actually got to filming and Edward was in Hong Kong so I phoned him and he said, ‘I’ve got nothing better to do’, which is exactly what you want to hear as a director.

What about the story Mikey? 

The story is about David Lightman (Snowden), a computer geek who manages to tap into the computers of the CIA, the NSA and Kayne West. He publishes all the material and gets into loads of trouble and there are chases and what not. However, when Ally Sheedy (playing Jennifer Mack once more), who now works for the government realises what has been going on, she rescues David and he is celebrated as a hero.

Do you think that’s what will happen to Edward Snowden?

Are you kidding? We’re rushing through preproduction to get to filming before Edward is killed in a [uses finger quotes here] car accident.

WarGames 2: Electric Boogaloo will start filming under secret conditions in the Hong Kong Hilton, room 125.

MICHAEL MOORE SECRETLY FILMING IN CONCLAVE

ROME  – Reports are coming in that controversial film maker Michael Moore has managed to penetrate Vatican security and smuggle an entire camera crew into the conclave.

An anonymous source, believed to be a member of the papal Swiss guard told The Studio Exec that although there has been no communication with conclave and the outside world about Michael Moore, suspicion has been aroused.

At the last minute we had three Cardinals turn up from America who nobody had ever heard of. Cardinal Washington was extremely tall with a very long neck which we now suspect was a boom mic. Cardinal Jefferson claimed the suitcase he was carrying was a portable dialysis machine and Cardinal Lincoln told us the large rucksack on his back was his packed lunch. We never had time to check their credentials as the door was about to close so we just ushered them in.

Moore is suspected of leading the infiltration after he started posting on his twitter account that he was in conclave.

We thought he was joking around.” said his agent Ross Flake. “But it seems Mike is actually in there!”

 

SEAN PENN ENDORSES MITT ROMNEY

WASHINGTON – In a shock turnaround, Sean Penn has publicly endorsed Mitt Romney for President at a rally in Tampa earlier today.

The My Name is Sam star and famed radical activist and campaigner explained his change of heart to a packed crowd at a Mitt is It rally. ‘I realised how much I earn,’ Penn blustered. ‘So fuck yeah, he’s got my vote.’

Penn joins a whole barrage of erstwhile liberals in lining up behind the Mittster who has promised cut taxes and allow poor people to be legally hunted as game.

Michael Moore said earlier this week that being right wing and crazy ‘was just more funny’. And Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon said they believed that many stars were attracted to Romney’s lack of charisma.

‘You hang around show people all the time with their humor and excitement and sparkling conversation and it’s tiring,’ the Rocky Horror Picture Show strumpet remarked. ‘With Mr. Romney you’re safe from any danger of being remotely interested in anything he has to say.’

Some have linked Penn’s change of heart to the fact that although he was definitely gay in Milk, he appears to be married in This is not the Place. Whilst many see this as further evidence that Mitt Romney is in fact a character created by Sacha Baron Cohen for a new comedy film.