CHRISTOPHER NOLAN EXPLAINS THE ENDING OF INCEPTION

LONDON – Memento and Interstellar director Christopher Nolan, speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, just gave the definitive explanation fo the infamous ending of Inception.

Christopher Nolan has for years been a director who has fascinated audiences with his elaborate and layered puzzle boxes of film, but in an EXCLUSIVE interview he sat down with the Studio Exec and spoke about the ambiguous ending of Inception.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s character Cobb has managed successfully to plant the inception into the dream of his target and his team awake from their slumbers and pass unmolested through US customs. Here, it seems that his murder charges have been dropped, or erased, because Cobb is met by his father-in-law. Now here the first warning bells should sound that this isn’t exactly reality we’re dealing with. The last time we saw his father-in-law was in Paris and there’s no reason he should be at the airport. Plus another clue is that he is played by Michael Caine an actor who first came to fame in a film called Zulu. Although he made a name for himself with Zulu, the star of that film was actually Stanley Baker. A baker is someone who produces bread, pastries, cakes and pies. The most proverbially American food you can have is American Pie. American Pie was a comedy directed by the Weitz brothers but also a song by Don McLean released as a record in 1971. Fourteen years to the day, Dead or Alive released another ‘record’ (which is also another way of saying memory in Italian) which was called You Spin Me Round (Like a Record). When Cobb arrives at his home and meets his children who are the same age as they have always been, he places his totem on the table to check whether he is dreaming or not and he ‘spins’ it right round, ‘like a record’. Recall that the exit strategy for each dream was a music cue played by a record. This was considered a ‘Cure’ for the dream state. The Cure also released records throughout the eighties and nineties and none more interesting than the album The Top. And what does Leonardo DiCaprio have but a spinning ‘Top’. In the eponymous song from the 1984 album, Robert Smith who will be played by Sean Penn in This Must Be the Place, sings:

Every day I lie here,
And know that it’s true
All I really want is you
Please come back
Please come back
Like all the other ones do

So what we learn from this is that it is obvious that Cobb might be dreaming, but then again maybe he isn’t.

Christopher Nolan’s new film Jenga will be released in 2017.

NEW POSTER FOR SORRENTINO’S YOUTH

CANNES – The Studio Exec is proud to present this EXCLUSIVE first look at Paolo Sorrentino’s new film Youth which sports its international title ‘Old Men Look at Tits’.

Paolo Sorrentino has called his film:

A deep exploration about morality and decay and the understanding of what comes into an old man’s head every time he looks at a young woman’s tits. I am expecting it to blow Mad Max: Fury Road off the Croisette. I will most certainly win two Palme d’Ors for this. Maybe even three.

The film stars Michael Caine and Harvey Keitel as two old men who decide that instead of looking at two tits at the same time, they are going to split up and one is going to specialize on the left tit and the other is going to concentrate on the right tit. Rachel Weisz plays their arch nemesis who stop them from looking at tits by inventing the bra in 1989.

For all our Cannes coverage keep coming here. 

INTERSTELLAR: REVIEW

INTERSTELLAR – Rust Cole goes to Space!

The future is always the past and the past the future. Christopher Nolan portrays society’s collapse as something akin to the dust bowl days of the great depression. The schools are filled with the ignorant and the Tea Party have effectively won. Sure we still pay our taxes but the government has such has ceased to exist. Matthew McConaughey’s pilot turned farmer should have been a World War 2 fighting ace or a test pilot from the sixties, but now he’s been forced into rustic hell with nary a Kate Hudson in sight for light relief.

When he happens upon a program to seek out alternative accommodation for the human race, he becomes the ideal leader to take on the hero role. And off he goes! Well, not quite. Even if the mission is successful he knows he might be decades before he returns and his family, especially his young daughter Murphy does not want him to go, refusing to even bid him goodbye. Nolan is often criticized as a cerebral filmmaker, icy to the touch, but these scenes are heartfelt and effective and add an emotional layer to the space adventure.

And the outer space stuff is fantastic. The practical effects look wonderful and Nolan’s sense of scale is astonishing. This is can do sci-fi adventure where scientist and engineer heroes mull over fuel efficiency and say things like ‘well theoretically…’ but there’s also the drama in the details. Time is the enemy here as relativity begins to take a serious toll. It has the techno moxy of Arthur C. Clarke with the weird bendy stuff of Philip K. Dick.

Ann Hathaway, Casey Affleck and Jessica Chastain joined by Nolan’s dad Michael Caine make up a suitably stellar cast and Hans Zimmer goes all Koyanisqaatsi on perhaps his most effective soundtrack to date. I have to confess a weakness for Nolan. The Prestige is my favorite film of his but I’ve not seen one yet that I didn’t like. I even liked The Dark Knight Rises, which in some critical circles would cost you the tip of your best typing finger. Interstellar is entertaining intelligent space opera, which in time will stand as one of the classics of the genre.

 

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

RUSSELL BRAND ACCUSED OF NEVER GOING TO UNIVERSITY

LONDON – The British Empire was shaken today when it came to light that Russell Brand, actor, comedian and political commentator, does not have a university education.

Journalists from the right wing Daily Mail and the left wing Guardian formed an unlikely coalition in denouncing the upstart entertainer for criticizing his betters and drawing into the popular debate such complicated, bothersome and technical matters as parliamentary democracy, the disenfranchised and the role of money in politics.

The trouble started when Mr. Brand wrote a book called Revolution, and this despite having not had a first class education at either Oxford or Cambridge, or even one of the dreaded red brick universities (similar to our community colleges).

Esteemed political commentator, Eton old boy and Oxbridge graduate Nicholas Farkward told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Russell Brand’s a menace and needs to be stamped out. First off he has a wonky Essex accent and doesn’t pronounce stuff proper. Then he has  lots of money and, according to my source in the netherworld, was married briefly to Katy Perry.

So are you saying celebrities shouldn’t speak about politics?

No of course not. A celebrity, especially a very rich one, can talk all they like about politics. Michael Caine for instance wasn’t university educated, slept with beautiful women and has a bit of a working class accent, but when he complains about having to pay too much tax, he speaks sound sense. Why Mr. Brand is talking about social injustice and poverty is beyond me. We already have Bono!

The Brand-Lash now involves trolling on a large scale as well as a chorus of derision. Of course, not everything Russell Brand says is coherent, but the derision being heaped on him is really down to the fact he doesn’t wear the correct school tie. In fact sometimes he doesn’t wear a tie at all.

For a cogent background article, read here.

Russell Brand was unavailable to comment but you will find much of what he has said all over the internet. 

CHRISTOPHER NOLAN: THE FUTURE OF CINEMA

HOLLYWOOD – Hi everyone. Urm, yeah, Christopher Nolan here; director of the Dark Knight Trilogy, Inception and … oh, Memento. Yeah. That’s right. Have I got your attention? Yeah, um, I thought so.

Reports of the death of cinema, to paraphrase Mark Twain, have been greatly exaggerated. Mobile phones, illegal downloads, people eating nachos with dips, 3D glasses and Michael Bay have all certainly had their deleterious effect but with the right innovations cinema is going to be alive and well and better than ever far into the future. How do you ask? Well, I made The Prestige, and here are three magic suggestions. 

1. More comic books movies. I visited my local multiplex the other day and was shocked to see that two of the seventeen screens were occupied by films not based on comic book characters. One was showing Chef and the other was showing some tripe about a boy growing up with awful CGI ageing, no doubt. Comic book movies are great because you don’t really need a script, or acting, or anything and then Hans Zimmer lends you his epic thumping score and away you go. Make it a little bit somber, darken the palette, put in Mikey Caine and the critics will lap it up. So more of these. I’ll exec them for a premium fee.

2. Free gimmicks with your ticket. You buy a cinema ticket today and what do you get? Just a bit of card with the name of the film and which screen it’s on, maybe a seat number. Rubbish. You should get a gimmick like a Frisbee, or a rattle, something to occupy the hands during slow parts of the film. Imagine watching Le Weekend – a bit dull I know – and then a game of Ultimate Frisbee breaks out! Amazing.

3. Balloon net. This is the topper and I don’t think this has been done before. Rig a large net over every auditorium and when the film comes to its climax, release thousands of balloons from the net, along with party streamers and confetti bombs! Can you imagine watching Mamma Mia for instance or 12 Years a Slave and as the final shot comes on streamers and balloons float from the ceiling? It would be AMAZING!

Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar will be released in November.

5 ACTORS’ REAL NAMES REVEALED

HOLLYWOOD – ‘A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet’ wrote Shamlyn Pod, or William Shakespeare as he is better known.

However, in Hollywood (real name Dusty Hills) what a rose is called is of great importance. For the first time, The Studio Exec will name and shame those such as Valerie Shitstain (Jessica Chastain) and Mammory Driver (Winona Ryder) who have left behind the handle their parents ill-advisedly gave them in their climb to stellar-ish stardom. 

1. Michael Caine: Everybody knows him as the cheerful cockney butler with a love of tangerines and a tendency to burst into tears at the drop of a bat, but he was first brought into the world as humble Nickelback Micklemouse, a name which would later be used as inspiration for one of the more tedious examples of ‘rock’.

2. Scarlett Johansson: Famed Norwegian beauty and star of Her was baptized after the patron saint of Jam sandwiches: Slappy Dappy Fffnerfenerrff.

3. Spike Lee: The radical black director, friend to struggling graphic designers everywhere and vigilante distributor of the wrong addresses, was known to his schoolmates as simply Seamus Flannagan O’Rourke.

4. Terrence Malick: Film director and voice over artist extraordinaire, bird watcher and stand up comic, Terrence Malick changed his name in order to gain more respectability. His real name is Larry Giggles.  

5. George Clooney: George Clooney’s birth name is Brad Pitt (and Brad Pitt’s is George Clooney), but while they were both struggling young actors, they decided to swap their names as a gas. Before they knew it, they were world famous and it was too late to swap back. For a joke, shout out Brad whenever George is in the room and watch him spin around, before checking himself.

For more 5 FACTS click HERE!    

FLUFFER’S CHRISTMAS CAROL

Having just lost three games of backgammon to Omar Sharif I thought things couldn’t get any worse… Then my agent rang to say I’d got a part in yet another version of A Christmas Carol.

Obviously I hadn’t read the script, so I imagined it would just be me sat in a leather bound armchair looking twinkly, open the book, read the first line and dissolve to a snowy olde London towne. The plan was I’d then head to the bar for a large brandy and some cheesey nibbles until they were ready to do another shot of me closing the book, smiling benevolently and saying Merry Christmas. 

 
The only trouble was bloody Dirk Bogarde had already nabbed that part so I had to pick from what was left. For a while it looked like I’d have to drag up and play Mrs Fezziwig, but luckily Jack Lemmon was quite badly hurt when I accidentally pushed him down the stairs, so I got to do Jacob Marley instead. It’s the best part in the whole thing really: because you’re a ghost you can just roll your eyes a lot, wiggle your fingers and start wailing if you forget your lines and that buys you enough time to work out what to say next. 
 
I don’t think Sophia Loren was anyone’s first choice to play Scrooge, but she was box office gold in those days and as soon as the producers saw her, the dollar signs popped in to their eyes. Sadly, it wasn’t a big hit, but releasing it right in the middle of the hottest summer on record didn’t help much.  I was just glad they didn’t use the take where I gave Mrs Cratchit the goose and she kneed me in the cranberries. God bless us every one, as dear old Tiny Tim would say! But that’s another story…

REMAKE WATCH: VICTORY

LONDON – Francis Ford Coppola‘s long awaited Escape to Victory reboot will replace soccer with golf.

The original John Huston original from 1981 featured a Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone who team up with a cast of similar non-actors, in the form of professional footballers: Ozzie Ardelese and Pelé and who have to plan an escape (via soccer) to victory, or possibly instant recapture and firing squad. Max Von Sydow, an actual actor, played the sympathetic Nazi commandant.

For Coppola, the gestation of his remake actually began in 1968, before the original was even thought of. ‘I always wanted to remake a film called Escape to Victory,’ the bearded vintner squirmed. ‘But until 1981, no such film existed.’

‘A disgrace to the noble art of adultery’


Defending his tampering with the original story – which was ludicrous enough already – Coppola took out a gun and started firing at the journalists. Once disarmed, he argued more cogently and legally, ‘Golf if a traditional Prussian game and it will give the POWs more scope to escape. I have a hilarious scene where one of the Nazis kills himself in a bunker, a sand bunker (or sand trap). Okay maybe it isn’t that funny.’

Tom Hardy will play the Michael Caine role, Michael Caine will play the Sylvester Stallone role and Tiger Woods will play the Pelé role. All the ‘actors’ will be shaving their body hair in preparation for filming due to begin in 2015.

DIRECTOR’S CUT OF DARK KNIGHT RISES ‘WILL OFFER ALTERNATIVE ENDING’

MONTREAL – The Dark Knight Rises: Director’s Cut will be released on Blu-Ray in early May and it promises some fantastic behind the scenes documentaries, a commentary by Christopher Nolan and – of course – a wonderful chance to see the film in high definition.

But it also includes fifty minutes of previously unseen footage and an Alternate Ending, the details of which Studio Exec can exclusively reveal.

Controversy has raged for months after the release of the concluding part of Christopher Nolan’s celebrated trilogy – riots in Pakistan, fistfights on football terraces in England and Palestinians and Israelis exchanging rocket fire on the Gaza strip – all of which conflict can be summed up in one question: does Batman die at the end of The Dark Knight Rises?
Was the autopilot fixed?
How would he have time to rush around leaving notes for someone to water the cat and feed the plants if he had really bought the farm?
Was Alfred’s vision of Bruce and The Devil Wears Prada girl just a vision?
Wait, how many questions was that?
Now Studio Exec can reveal that in the new extended edition, everything is resolved. We see Batman running around and sorting out all his little errands and, when Alfred spot Master Wayne in Italy, he approaches the table and sits down and says, ‘So Master Wayne, you’re alive!!’
To which Bruce answers, ‘Yes I unambiguously am.’
All laugh in way that becomes a little creepy at which point Bruce Wayne leans forward and puts something on the table. ‘Or AM I?’ he says, and spins the top. It spins off the table and everyone has to get off their chairs and on their hands and knees to look for it and see if it is still spinning or not.

MICHAEL CAINE BAD FILM FESTIVAL ANNOUNCED

LONDON – The first Bad Michael Caine Film Festival is to begin on Friday at the BFI on the Southbank, London, UK. Organizers say there’s not need to go online to book tickets or even inquire about it: Just turn up in your best Michael Caine gear and lets ‘have a laff!’ The film festival – which lasts for three weeks – will include many favorite bad films made by the Cockney character actor in his endless quest to buy bigger and nicer houses.

The festival kicks off with a gala showing of Jaws IV: the Revenge which will be attended by Sir Michael Caine himself. Of the widely deplored sequel Mr Caine once said, ‘I’ve never seen it, but I have seen the house it bought.’

The festival will continue with showings of:

Sunday, 2nd December:    On Deadly Ground
Monday, 3rd December   Ashanti
Tuesday, 4th December    Goldmember
Wednesday, 5th December Shiner
Thursday, 6th December Bullseye!
Friday, 7th December  Get Carter (remake)
Sunday, 9th December Sleuth (remake)
Tuesday, 11th December Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
Wednesday, 12th December Miss Congeniality
Thursday, 13th December Bullet to Beijing
Saturday, 15th December Cars 2
Tuesday, 18th December Water
Wednesday, 19th December Blame it on Rio
Thursday, 20th December Swarm
Friday, 21st December Beyond the Poseidon Adventure
Saturday, 22nd December The Fourth Protocol

A MOGUL’S MEMOIR

I must have been 3 years old when I saw my first film—some bullshit about a talking rodent—ever since then I’ve been involved in one way or another with what we generously call the business, or showbiz for those who prefer to drink champagne out of fluted glasses. 

I’ve been working on entertaining you assholes like it was a cure for cancer. I’ve given up all my dreams in making your dreams come true. There isn’t anybody who isn’t somebody who wasn’t a nobody who I made into a somebody and anybody who tells you different is a nobody.

Who told Stanley ‘the elevator doors opening are creepy but what if they were full of something? Blood maybe?’ ME

Who told JCVD post-modern irony is in, ‘look what it did for Arnie in The Last Action Hero’? ME

Who gave Michael Bay his Big Boy’s Book of Explosions and Homophobia for his 8th birthday? ME

Who told George Lucas that 1930s racial stereotypes were HI-Larious? ME

Who introduced Lindsay Lohan to the works of Jacques Derrida? ME, no wait. Actually that was Charlie Sheen.

I partied with Kubrick; got rat arsed with Malick on Jaegermeister and ate pot noodles with Mikey Caine. So for all the inside gossip, the green lights, the sequels, the remakes, the reboots, the franchises, the scandal and hoopla, this is the only blog you’ll ever need. You can also follow me on twatter.