HOLLYWOODJames Cameron admitted today in a shock revelation that will undoubtedly rock the whole of Hollywood that the reintroduction of 3D was actually the result of an off-the-cuff remark, which was supposed to be a joke.

The Avatar “visionary” is famous for his hilarious sense of humor and is only challenged by Woody Harrelson for the crown as king of the Hollywood practical jokers.

Bill Paxton tells the story:

This was a couple of years after Titanic and everyone was hanging on Jimmy’s every word, all the top brass at the studios, anything he said they would jump to do because as far as they could see he was golden. One evening we’re eating out at thisJapanese restaurant and he challenges me. He says “What is the most ridiculous thing that I can ask for?” So I think and then I say “3D”.

The Piranha 2: The Spawning director and the Twister actor laughed over their sushi, but Jimmy Cameron took up the gauntlet. ‘I was amazed when I first heard that Avatar was going to be in 3D,’ the Paxo man recalls. ‘But then it became unstoppable. The irony is Jimmy hates 3D as much as anyone else.’

With arguments raging about expensive equipment, exorbitant ticket prices, reduced luminosity and silly glasses, the erstwhile King of the World has finally decided to come clean.

‘I didn’t mean it to go so far but really, you’re all too gullible. You have to remember I’m, the guy who put Arnie Schwarzenegger in a 007 kind of role. I’m the guy who made out like Michael Biehn was an actor. Come on, seriously. How could you take anything I said at face value?’

Is it true that you yourself don’t like 3D?

‘It’s like those theaters we used to make out of cereal boxes when we were kids. It’s embarrassingly bad. A series of flat surfaces. It looks flatter than 2D for crying out loud,’ Cameron starts shouting, his lips flecked with spit. ‘Why do you think I keep going down to the bottom of the ocean? It’s the only place I can go and have a really good laugh at you assholes.’

Avatar 2 and 3 are due out sometime in the next decade.


PHNOM PENH – News came in last night of a frantic and heroic mission carried out under the leadership of veteran Navy Seal and part time actor Charlie Sheen to ‘capture and extract’ John Milius from the jungle near the Cambodian border where he was ruling as warrior/filmmaker/king protected by the cast and crew of the (unnecessary) Red Dawn remake.
Under strictest secrecy Seal team 8 penetrated Cambodian territory and fought through Milius’ lines until they cornered the Big Wednesday director who despite his adoption of a suit of parakeet feathers was still recognizable by his trademark baseball cap. The operation was the culmination of weeks of preparation under the firm hand of Sean Penn who was called in at the last minute when Clint Eastwood had to pull out due to his pending court case with Ikea concerning the veteran filmmakers harassment of a stool set.

John Milius

Charlie Sheen was accompanied by Emilio Estevez as the Repo Man – as he prefers to be called – had nothing to do on a Tuesday anyway.
When asked whether Michael Biehn was also involved a Pentagon spokesman said, ‘Who?’

Milius will share a cell in Guatanamo with Michael Bay who was recently captured in Vietnam after attempting to restart the war because it would be ‘you know exciting.’