HOLLYWOOD – Oprah Winfrey to star in Are You Being Served?
Actress, chat show host and producer, Oprah Winfrey joins Tommy Lee Jones and Michael Shannon in the upcoming cinematic remake of popular British sitcom Are You Being Served?
The news came after speculation that Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts had both been vying for the role of Mrs Slocombe only to be beaten at the last minute by the Queen of Daytime TV. Mrs Slocombe – and her notorious pussy (rumors have it that Andy Serkis has tried out for the role) – will join the retail team at the famous Grace Brothers department store. The Butler actress said:
I don’t do many acting roles because I have so many other commitments so I choose them with real care. But when Tommy came along with the script I knew from page one that I was on board. What people don’t know is Tommy is a really funny guy with a great sense of humor. Once he ran over his gardener’s foot with his car, and I swear to God we couldn’t stop laughing. We were still laughing when the ambulance turned up!
HOLLYWOOD – Amazon slate Sesame Streep starring the Muppets and Meryl Streep next year.
Meryl Streep has had a long standing relationship with the Muppets, from an appearance with Susan Sarandon on the show to a recurring Muppet called Meryl Sheep. Now she is to star and produce an anthology series called Sesame Streep, produced by Amazon.
We spoke with the Oscar-winning actress about the new project:
I’m really excited. I’ve loved the Muppets ever since I first saw them. I always engaged with them and thought that they were more than simply entertainment for children. There’s a sadness and honesty to their work. A genuine humanity, whether it’s Kermit and Miss Piggy’s doomed relationship or Fozie Bear’s grotesque inability to be funny.
So how will the show be different?
We’re not making a regular Muppets Show here. What we’re doing is recreating each of my movie hits but with myself as the only human performer. The rest of the roles will be played by Muppets.
Does that mean…?
We’ll start with Sophie’s Choice.
I was going to ask if you were going to do that.
And then we’ll move on to some lighter work like Doubt, Out of Africa, Cry in the Dark and The Deer Hunter.
Don’t you think that doing these shows will… demean your achievements?
Far from it. I see this as both a tribute and an opportunity to actually correct some of the things that were wrong with my films.
What was wrong with your films?
Look at August Osage County. It was okay. I enjoyed it. But just imagined if we did the same film but instead of Ewan MacGregor and Michael Shannon you had Gonzo and Professor Bunsen Honeydew.
I see your point.
I was in Suffragette recently, which I enjoyed, but who can say that the film would not have been much improved by substituting Carey Mulligan with Miss Piggy.
HOLLYWOOD – Meryl Streep should win the Best Picture Oscar, according to a confused Academy member.
Anonymous Academy voter has argued that the Best Picture Oscar should go to Meryl Streep. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, the confused voter gave this account of himself:
I’m not voting for Get Out because a. I don’t like horror movies and b. black people. I’m not voting for Shape of Water because a. I don’t like monster movies and b. I don’t like Mexicans. Phantom Thread: a. I don’t like ghost stories b. who’s this Fred? Ladybird is out because women. Yuk. Call Me By Your Name put me off fruit. The Post is fake news. Dunkirk I can’t understand why Bane is flying a Spitfire. So I’ve decided to vote for Meryl Streep for best picture.
But she isn’t nominated in that category.
It doesn’t matter. She is wonderful and I’m voting for her as best director, best make up, best soundtrack as well. Frankly, I’m just writing Streep all over my ballot.
HOLLYWOOD – The countdown to the 91st Academy Awards (also known popularly as the Oscars) begins.
Sunday sees Jimmy Kimmel host the 90th Academy Awards but here at the Studio Exec we’re already looking forward to the next edition.
We spoke with resident Oscar expert Oscar Isaac:
The 91st edition of the Academy Awards look like being the most competitive ever. A real make or break year. Meryl Streep, Denzel Washington and Tom Hanks are joined in the acting categories by Sting and Kevin James in what has turned out to be a genuinely surprising year. The new Tarantino movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood might see the famed director get his hands on a Best Picture for the first time. Though some claim that his killing of Leonardo di Caprio might go against him.
He killed di Caprio?
To be fair, Quentin didn’t force him to fly that helicopter in Mexico.
Woody Allen’s collaboration with Roman Polanski – Thank God for Little Girls – was the surprise entrant in the Foreign Language category, his first French language film where it’ll compete with Michael Haneke’s Eine Kliene Nacht Musik – which translates as You Are All a Bunch of Shitting Bastards. As for Best Picture, Guillermo del Toro must certainly be in the running with his Splash reboot and George Lucas for Button Pants. There’s also bound to be the now traditional mix up at the end. Hashtag hilarious.
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING MISSOURI – REVIEW – Fargo goes to Missouri as Olive Kitteridge is angry with Woody the barman from Cheers.
Ebbing Missouri is the kind of small town in which everyone knows everyone else’s business. And a terrible crime has been committed. With the failure of the local police chief to apprehend the guilty, a distraught mother (Frances McDormand) decides to take things into her own hands by advertising the police department’s apparent ineptitude to the world.
Martin McDonagh has written and directed a smart and complex dramedy with a crowd-pleasing performance by the actress who could challenge Meryl Streep for the American acting crown. Sam Rockwell and Woody Harrelson also have solid parts, with McDonagh giving everyone lines that are as chewy as tobacco. The only problem if the film has a weird internal inconsistency. It’s supposed to be about how terrible violence can have consequences on the lives of those left behind, but all the violence of the film seems to be strangely weightless and bouncy. It wants to say something serious but also wants to wear a silly hat. There are plot holes and absurdities that clang against the realism of other parts. Also I’m not entirely sure that Martin McDonagh really knows much about small town America. I’m guessing that a lot of Ebbing was inspired by movies rather than a real place.
THE POST – REVIEW – All the President’s Men gets a prequel.
Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks star in a Steven Spielberg film about the Washington Post and the publication of the Pentagon Papers during the Nixon presidency. This should be nailed on Oscar glory and guaranteed quality all the way through. Not to mention with the Trump war on Fake News and the Free Press, there’s an urgency to getting this right. And yet… and yet…
It seems as if an air of complacency set in somewhere around the story conference stage. There’s very little drama here. There’s precious little politics. And although Spielberg is obviously in love with the thingness of things – heavy telephones, newsprint and hair cream – the period doesn’t even fell right. It feels more fifties than seventies.
Part of the problem is that everything is centered around Streep as the publisher and owner of the paper. This sucks the drama from the picture. There’s no David and Goliath here. It’s more Goliath and a smaller Goliath with huge Maggie Thatcher hair and a series of night gowns. Christ almighty, can we get Meryl out of the night gowns for just five seconds please!?
Tom Hanks walks around like white bread made flesh. And all the events of great moment come down to a simple decision made by someone very rich who might become slightly less rich. And lose a couple of her politician friends.
Obviously, it’s unfair to compare the film to All the President’s Men, except the film actually does it itself.
So let’s just say it’s shitter than All the President’s Men.
HOLLYWOOD – The Oscars will feature another SNAFU on the Best Picture Oscar this year.
The nominations for the 90th edition of the Academy Awards are out. And already excitement is beginning to build, with many already laying odds on who the winner might be. But one thing is certain, whoever wins the Best Picture is going to almost certainly be the second name called. We spoke with a spokesperson for the Academy:
We had such fun last year with Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. First of all we thought it was a huge mistake but we got more ratings and buzz for days and weeks afterwards than we had for any other edition. We live in a new world now and if the Oscars are going to survive it is going to have to become more and more viral. This kind of story runs and runs.
So you’re going to intentionally give the wrong movie the Best Picture Oscar?
Exactly. We have talked about leaking it into other categories as well. Can you imagine how funny it will be when Denzel Washington gets up and starts his acceptance speech only to be interrupted and told that Daniel Day-Lewis has won it again. Hilarious.
It could upset some people.
We also thought of a new system where we announce two winners and make the decider a race to reach the podium. When Margot Robbie hears about that she’ll probably break Meryl Streep’s leg! Because of the I, Tonya, you see because…
Yeah I get it. I just don’t believe it.
It’s adapt or die in the new social media landscape Exec. We had Ellen Degeneres doing a selfie some years back, but that stuff got old pretty fast. Now we’ve got to innovate. One idea was to burn Kevin Spacey in effigy on the stage, or even have a ‘purge’ on the red carpet. But we also want to keep the dignity of the academy going. So… this is what we’ve got.
The Oscars are broadcast March 4th, 8:00 PM ET, ABC.
HOLLYWOOD – Paul Verhoeven’s hit film Elle starring Isabelle Hupert is to get a US remake directed by Paul Verhoeven himself and starring Basic Instinct star Sharon Stone.
Gus Van Sant did it with Hitchcock’s Psycho. Michael Haneke did it with himself and Paul Verhoeven is set to follow. A US set English language remake of controversial rape comedy Elle is to be filmed by the director himself. Sharon Stone stars in the lead. The Starship Troopers director spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY in the Studio Exec bungalow:
We knew that this film would have some legs, but we didn’t expect it to do so well in the US. It is a French language film, dealing with a controversial subject, but once I saw the response I knew I had to remake it.
How will the US version differ?
We want to do a shot for shot remake. Of course, the setting and the cast will change but everything else will continue.
Will you tone down some of the ambiguity?
This has always been a worry with working in the US. They don’t really get nuance, but then again I’m not really a nuanced film maker. After all, this is kind of a comedy with a rape at the centre. A lot of people thought it was ambiguous because it was in French and starred Isabelle Hupert, but we shall see how they feel now that it is in English with Sharon Stone.
Is it good to be back together again?
Sharon Stone is the only American actress who could take on this role convincingly. Or Susan Sarandon. Actually Geena Davis would have been good. And Meryl Streep obviously, but she’s booked up until the end of next decade.
HOLLYWOOD – The Academy published the Oscar nominations earlier this week. We give our reaction.
So apparently, the Oscars are on again this year. It’s almost as if it’s every year now. We were going to do a full list of nominations but my cut and paste finger is sore. So you can go hereand see that. Then come back and read this.
First things first. The Academy discovered there are people in America who aren’t white! Moonlight, Fences and Hidden Figures all picked up nods as did Ruth Negga with Loving, the Jeff Nichols film. Supporting actress category saw Miss Moneypenny as well as Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer getting nommed. If that’s a a verb.
To round of the diversity anti-Semite Mel Gibson received a nomination for Hacksaw Ridge, the perfect American movie – loads of dirty Japanese get killed while we pretend to admire pacifism.
Then there were the SNUBS. Amy Adams didn’t get nominated for Arrival and Martin Scorsese missed out with Silence. To be honest, Adams is great but there’s a law that Meryl Streep has to be nominated and that took her spot. As for Silence. Kundun was miles better. Silenceis like Shogun but with more religion and less Richard Chamberlain.
La La Land received a large haul of nominations. There’s a point at which this kind of love begins to hurt a movie. I loved La La Land, but I saw it in August when no one else had. If I was to walk in having heard all the praise, I might be tempted to think the film a technically bit of superficial whimsy. I don’t think that. But with the group think pressure to love it, I can understand the Pavlovian backlash that is on its way.
So we’ll leave predictions to the experts. Who knows? Maybe we’ll post about he Oscars again before the actually ceremony. Feel free to comment in the box about how you think the whole think went down. We never read them.
The Academy announce the winners on February 26th, 2017.
HOLLYWOOD – Police arrest Amy Adams in Meryl Streep’s garden for ‘indecent behavior’.
Arrival and Nocturnal Animals actress, Amy Adams has been arrested while apparently going to the toilet in Meryl Streep’s garden. A law enforcement spokesperson told the Studio Exec:
She was doing a number two in the garden of a property owned by Sophie’s Choice actress Meryl Streep. Despite warnings, the actress continued going for what seemed to officers to be a preternaturally long time. When offering a statement, Adams told officers that she was ‘a nocturnal animal’ and was waiting for Ms. Streep’s ‘Arrival’. She winked as she spoke.
The scene was particularly distressing because Adams chose a lawn and was apparently writing a message in Heptapod.
HOLLYWOOD – Today it was confirmed that Meryl Streep is overrated.
Oscar winning actress Meryl Streep is overrated, it has been found. The Sophie’s Choice, Silkwood and Kramer vs Kramer star is now being pressured to hand back her Oscar and apologize to everyone for liking her. Ben Affleck told Jimmy Kimmel last night about his own disappointment:
I always rated Meryl Streep very highly but now I feel like a fool. It’s almost as if she was just acting like a good actress.
Top film critic Leonard Shrub said:
This is another case of populism trumping elite people who think they’re better because they know stuff. I mean, come on, she was terrible in The Deer Hunter and The French Lieutenant’s Woman. I mean, I thought she was good, but then again I thought Donald Trump would never win the election so what do I know.
NEW YORK – Meryl Streep’s impersonation of Donald Trump is racist according to Donald Trump.
Meryl Streep’s appearance at the New York Theater Gala dressed as Donald Trump has prompted the presumptive Presidential nominee to complain of racism. The New York tycoon and politician told reporters:
Meryl Streep has crossed the line. I like a laugh as much as the next man. Hell, I make the funniest jokes. All my staff will tell you that. But this Oscar winning actress and star of Sophie’s Choice has gone too far by going ‘Orange Face’.
Hollywood stars distanced themselves from Streep, fearful of incurring the wrath of the man destined to become Il Duce of the New United States of America. Sean Penn said:
We have to fight racism wherever we find it. I would be appalled if someone wore black face and so I should be, if I see someone wearing what can only be described as Orange Face.
Meryl Streep will be appearing in Cry in the Dark 2: The Dingoes Didn’t Eat my Baby.
HOLLYWOOD – Christian Bale has begun filming the follow up to Knight of Cups, provisionally entitled Knight of Cups 2.
Terrence Malick’s new film Knight of Cups premiered last year at Berlin and has since being doing the rounds of the festivals. It has received a mixed reaction from critics with some praising Terrence Malick’s continued journey up his own ass and others being more critical. Christian Bale however has revealed that the reclusive filmmaker has already begun filming the follow up to the film and Bale himself returns as Rick, the LA based writer who wanders about a lot.
I can’t tell you too much. As you know, Terry is really strange when it comes to working. He tends to give you a script and then we throw it away and spend the whole time wandering around. We’ve been filming for five days and I’ve wandered around in an airport, on a beach and in a supermarket. The supermarket scene is very reminiscent of the scene in To the Wonder where Ben Affleck wanders about a supermarket. This might be Terry’s most self-referential film yet.
Yeah, there’s this scene where there a tree. And I asked Terry, is that a reference to the tree of life? and he shook his head but he was smiling at the same time. And then Rick underlines a quote in a book and he does it in red. A thin red line! You see?
So the story?
As I said that isn’t really clear, yet. We know that Rick has had a lot of issues with his father and his brother and a series of beautiful women. So he spends much of Knight of Cups 2 wandering around Los Angeles again and he meets up with some other women, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, basically any actress who hasn’t seen the first Knight of Cups.
I know. But Terry always wants to push it further, so the second half of the film Rick goes to Seattle and he wanders about there.
Well, he wanted to go to Vegas but he got on the wrong flight.
BERLIN – Following Meryl Streep’s comments at the Berlinale film festival in Berlin, her 1985 film Out of Africa is to be reissued.
We might all be Africans, but are we all Out of Africans? That’s the question that is on everyone’s lips today as Universal Pictures reissues the Sydney Pollack film in time to benefit from all the positive publicity that Ms. Streep’s brain fart has caused. Robert Redford was quick to defend Ms. Streep:
We are all Africans certainly. As an actor I’m not a scientist but I can say that at some point in the history of the universe we were all basically hydrogen atoms. Now people might look at the Oscar nominations or the Berlin judges panel and say it isn’t diverse but I say look at all those hydrogen atoms, mixed with oxygen and carbon and calcium and all the other atoms that make up those human beings. And if that isn’t diverse, what is?
Out of Africans is available for digital download immediately. Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.