MEL GIBSON AUTOBIOGRAPHY: PART 4










HOLLYWOOD – Advance copies arrived of Mel Gibson‘s new autobiography Sad and Angry and Studio Exec was given exclusive permission to publish extracts. By popular demand, this is the fourth and (and by even more popular demand) final series of excerpts.

Chapter Twenty Six: Patriots

Although I was brought up in New York many people think of me as an Aussie and I’m proud that that is the case. I don’t often play them in films cos well, who gives a shit about Australia, right? But I did have a script which was all about the way I feel about my country. It was epic and we had the convict ships coming and the first settlers and it was really good. Peter Weir was on board. Then he had to do something else and we got Roland Emmerich and he went away and rewrote the script and now The Patriot as we called it was set in Dresden just before the firebombing and it was all about Germans and in German. The studio weren’t having it so they gave it to Robert Rodat to rewrite and he set it in the American war of Independence. I turned to Heath Ledger at the first read through and said “How’s your American accent Heath?” But he was in no mood for jokes. That poor kid always had the flu.

Chapter Twenty Nine: Apocalypto Now

It had always been in my head to make film that was utterly incomprehensible and I felt I had almost achieved my ambition with The Passion of the Christ, but people still knew the story and so could follow it so I decided with my next film there would be no way people could get. Then of course the studio went and stuck subtitles on the motherfucker. Still, I was happy with the way the film turned out. There was a lot of running and jumping. We redressed any myth that the indigenous people of South America were anything other than savages and Jesus got to turn up again at the end. Which was like my little Hitchcock signature.


Chapter Forty: Get the Gringo

When I first got the script I was like Wow, this is fantastic a real  chance for me to break new ground and try something new. No longer just the old violent Mel that everyone was beginning to get tired of, including me. But I really versatile character piece with (I don’t want to speak too early) but even a whiff of Oscar about it. When I spoke to Adrian the director, I said to him this is fantastic. And I gave him the voice I’d been working on. He said that’s great. But he didn’t look sure. I said “I can do this, trust me.” So I went out and I got my own costume. And I turned up on set and he fucking freaked. “Have you been drinking Mel?” he said. I said, in character, “You can’t talk to me like that gringo, you not know noteeeng!” He got really agitated so I broke character and told him I was getting into my role and how stoked I was to be playing a Mexican woman and with a kid. He took me aside and told me that Dolores was playing the Mexican mother and I was playing Driver, the tough violent American, who’s a little crazy and racist and has a violent fantasy of killing his ex-wife. “It’ll be really easy for you,” he said. I cannot tell you how disappointed I was. I sat in my trailer and cried like a child. I felt like Al Pacino in Godfather III: “Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.”   

MEL GIBSON: AUTOBIOGRAPHY: PART 3













MALIBU – Advance copies arrived of Mel Gibson‘s new autobiography Sad and Angry and Studio Exec was given exclusive permission to publish extracts.This is the third and final series of excerpts.

From Chapter Twenty Seven: Making The Passion of the Christ

The first thing and the last thing in my life is my religion. For me believing in God is like having an imaginary friend who’s bigger than anyone else’s imaginary friend and can beat them up. I love that. And even when you do terrible things, you go see him Sunday at his house and he goes ‘ahhhh, okay.’ So making a film about Christ was for me an important personal project. The first thing I did was get a whole bunch of religious groups together, Jewish groups and protestants and Mormons and  I consulted them and they told me all the sensitive issues surrounding the crucifixion and all the things that could perhaps stir up controversy and offend them, and I’m proud to say I managed to fit most of that in the film. Not all but most. The biggest praise came when the Pope had a private viewing at the Vatican and he whispered to me ‘Is that the guy from The Thin Red Line?’ Words I’ll treasure till the day I die.

From Chapter Thirty Six: Everything Goes all Bull Shit

So I said to the police officer, ‘Is that a Jewish name?’ and he said it was and what of it (in quite a hostile fashion). So I replied – my allergy pills were making me feel a bit blurry but I remember this distinctly – ‘I love the Jews almost as much as I love Star Wars (my all time favourite movie)’ but apparently he thought I said, ‘The Jews start wars'(!) It was terrible.  

[…]

So I finished screaming down the phone and my ex says, ‘Okay now pretend you’re mad at me and say you’re going to kill me’. By now I’m feeling a bit hoarse and plus Role Playing games and not really my thing but I say okay. And even at the time I was thinking, if you heard these tapes out of context… Nah that’ll never happen. I trust her.


From Chapter Forty: Joe Esterasshole and Jodie’s Beaver

 I was at a party at Sir Edwin Fluffer’s house. That guy is Hollywood royalty and you meet some great people. Jodie Foster is there and she’s telling me about The Muppets movie that she just got green lit with Jason Segal starring. I say is there something for me and she says that might change the tone of the movie. I insisted and it turned out Jodie was right. Halfway through filming they turfed us off the lot and Segal’s scenes were re-cut into a separate movie. The stinger was we even lost the name The Muppets and got stuck with a pussy joke. 


Read Part One clicking here and Part Two clicking here.

MEL GIBSON’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY EXTRACTS (PART TWO)

HOLLYWOOD – Advance copies arrived of Mel Gibson’s new autobiography Sad and Angry and Studio Exec was given EXCLUSIVE permission to publish extracts. 

From Chapter Eight: Lethal Weapon:

I knew right from the beginning we had a winner on our hands with Martin Riggs. He was a character I could play. Depressed, vulnerable and a hair cut only an Australian could pull off.  I remember the first read through with Dickie Donner and Danny Glover. I tell them I like the beginning when the white cop and the black cop don’t get on very well, but after that… I don’t know. Dickie says something about narrative arcs and Danny just looks pissed off. 

From Chapter Thirteen: I free Scotland from the Tyranny of the British:

I’ve always felt for the plight of the Scottish ever since I spoke with Sean Connery about it in his island retreat in the Caribbean. Sean is an eloquent advocate for the independence of Scotland and many’s the evening we would sit in his beautiful beach front villa as Sean waxed poetical on the beauties of Scotland and the history. My other Scottish pal Randy Wallace from Texas showed me a script he had written about William Wallace. It was perfect, but I had one question. ‘Is there anyway I could fuck the queen?’ Randy smiled. ‘That’s exactly what was missing,’ he said.  

From Chapter Eighteen: Making ‘What Women Want‘:

When you’re making a film it’s always fantastic to see how a project develops and evolves sometimes for the best, other times less so. What Women Want is an example of the latter. Oliver Stone originally approached me with a script that Andrew ‘Diceman’ Clay had written. I say written, there were a lot of crayon drawings and exclamation marks, but you get the gist. That aside, it was the best thing I’d ever read. Not only funny but true. We were all set up to shoot and then Ollie decided he was going to do Any Given Sunday and my co-star Helen Hunt suggested Nancy Myers. As soon as she came on board everything changed. Clay’s script was thrown out, the premise was distorted and even the title changed. Now it was no longer called Women are a Bunch of Stupid Idiots. I know. But the original genius of Clay and Stone’s vision will have to be consigned to the ‘what could have been…’ bin.

For Part One CLICK HERE.

SPIELBERG TO DIRECT ELECTION MOVIE


HOLLYWOOD – Director Steven Spielberg announced earlier today that he has a script for a film based on the recent US elections – and he’ll start pre-production in the new year.

Spielberg, whose Lincoln biopic is due for release on November 16th,  also confirmed that he has his cast in place, and is considering shooting in the 3D format.

We caught up with Steven at his retreat in Martha’s Vineyard.

Mr Spielberg. Surely everyone is sick to their back teeth of the elections. Why make a film?

I don’t think people know the real story behind this election and I consider it my duty as an artist to reveal the wizards behind the curtain.

Wizards?

I don’t mean actual Wizards they’re all too busy working overtime onThe Hobbit.

So what do you mean.Are you saying the Klu Klux Klan influenced the elections?

No, I was referencing The Wizard of Oz.

Oh I see. You mean the film with James Franco which is out next year?

No, I mean the 1939 Victor Flemming version starring Judy Garland.

Sorry, it doesn’t ring any bells. So who are these ‘Wizards’ – as you call them?

You’ll have to wait until the movie comes out.

I’d rather know now if you don’t mind.

Well, let’s just say there were invisible forces pulling the strings in the background and they tried, but ultimately failed, to get Mitt Romney elected.

Invisible forces? Wizards lingering behind drapes? Apologies Steven but this all sounds preposterous.

It might seem far fetched but trust me – when you see the film all will become clear.

Can’t you just clear it up now? I’m doing an interview with Adam Samberg in 30 minutes.

OH FOR F*CKS SAKE IT’S THE ALIEN’S! THE F*CKING ALIENS DID IT!

Ah. Well why didn’t you just say so that’s perfectly plausible. Anyway, who is in your cast?

Mel Gibson will play Romney and Robert Downey Jnr will play Obama.

I understand the casting of Downey Jnr, he was born to play the role, but Mel Gibson?!

What’s wrong with Mel he’s a very talented actor?
Sure, but aren’t you offended by his anti-Semitic beliefs? You being a gentleman of Jewish persuasion and all.

Oh that old business. Look, I believe a man should have a second chance and Mel was suffering with an alcohol dependency at the time. Forgive and forget I say.

That’s a very noble attitude. What if he goes on another of his rants?

If he does then I’ll click my fingers and a Mossad assassin will execute him forthwith. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

Ah good. Okay, Steven that about wraps it up. Just one more question. What do you think of George Lucas’ billion-dollar Disney deal which will effectively make him the most powerful man in the industry. Are you pleased about your old friends success, or are you angered that you are destined to live in his gargantuan shadow for the rest of your life?

*Click*

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES 4. WOODY ALLEN

HOLLYWOOD – For many the finest comedian cinema has known, Woody Allen today agreed to sit down and give an in-depth interview EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec.

Woody Allen answers the door in his sweats.

‘Hey come in,’ he says. ‘I was just getting in a quick workout before breakfast.’ He leads me through to the gym. ‘Do you mind if I finish? I’m on sets of fifties so I don’t want to break my biorhythm. Just go through to the kitchen. Soon-Yi, get off the machine. It’s my turn. Come on let’s go.’

Half an hour later, Allen emerges, showered and ready for the world. The 77 year old actor, writer, director and comedian looks in great shape. He jogs on the spot before settling down to his breakfast: some toast, a power smoothie and yeast extract that he eats with a spoon.

‘I notice you’re not wearing glasses,’ I say. ‘Strange to see you without them. Are you wearing contacts?’

‘God no, I never needed them,’ Allen smiles broadly and slaps my shoulder. ‘Glasses I mean. It was just, you know, a gimmick, I suppose you could say. When I started in What’s Up Pussy Cat … which was what? 1965? Anyway Peter O’Toole says to Charlie Feldman, “Charlie get the kid some glasses. He’s an intellectual, he should be wearing glasses.” Jesus, those actors, they’re so insecure; just a bundle of neuroses really. But the look stuck, so you know… How’s your yoghurt? That’s goats yoghurt from Siberia.’

‘Your latest films have been mainly European affairs, what attracts you about working…?’

‘Sorry, I can’t help it,’ Allen laughs. ‘When you talk you remind me of, who was that guy Soon-Yi? The one in the stupid movie about the fucking tree? Yeah that’s it. You remind me of Brad Pitt.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, really. Brad Pitt. So yeah. Europe. Yeah. I don’t know. I like it I guess and they love my work even when I don’t. So it was a perfect fit. Look at me. I’m sitting with Brad Pitt.’

‘I look nothing like Brad Pitt.’

‘Yeah, you do. Next question.’

‘You have a keen interest in jazz.’

‘No.’

‘No?’

‘Used to. No longer.’

‘How come?’

‘Got bored. Next question, Brad.’

Allen stands up and starts doing star jumps. ‘Erm…?’

‘You want to ask me about that douche bag, Mel Gibson? Go ahead and ask.’

Woody Allen and Mel Gibson had a set to recently in a Hollywood restaurant. (Click here for a full report).

‘Would you like to give…’

‘I kicked that asshole’s ass. And Vin Diesel is there like “Go easy” and I’m like “back off Vin or do you want some as well?” Shit, that Fast and Furious motherfucker went pale and trembled like a plastic bag caught on a hurricane fence.’

‘Did you object to Mr Gibson because of his alleged anti-Semitism?’

‘Alleged my ass, they recorded him. Anyway that weren’t the reason. It was more to do with What Women Want. I can’t stand that film.’

‘And now the new Batman film?’

‘Great it’s been fantastic. Yeah dream project. Difficult to follow what Chris has done blah de blah you fill in the blanks. Gotta scoot me and Soon-Yi are running a half marathon Thursday so we got to get some training in. See you later, Brad.’

‘Chad.’

‘Yeah. Whatever.’

And with that Woody Allen runs into the street shouting, ‘It’s me Broadway Danny Rose the Zeligster himself, come on, who wants some?’

For more on the latest news of the Woody Allen Batman click here and for all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE.

YOU TOO CAN PLAY RUSSELL CROWE

HOLLYWOOD – Ever wanted to be a mad Australian film star but just slightly mad without going the full Mel?

Ever wanted to have ladies think you the next best thing than a fifty shades of grey shaped dildo while still having a Mr Potato Head head and being able to eat lots of pies?

Of course you do! So here YOU are.
PLAY RUSSELL CROWE

  1. BE A KIWI: Everyone who is a famous Australian film star was actually born elsewhere. Mel was born in New York. Russell Crowe was born in New Zealand. But basically same difference right. I don’t know where Nicole Kidman was born. Judging by recent appearances Planet Zorg. Anyway, be born in New Zealand and you’re off.
  1. PLAY A LOVEABLE NAZI: No, steady Mel, we didn’t say BE a loveable Nazi. Just play one. Romper Stomper gave Russell his first real shot at fame in which he plays a cuddly suede headed swastika lover, but his eyes look so sad. Being nastily violent and at the same time eminently huggable has proved one of Mr. Crowe’s most valuable assets.
  1. TELEPHONE DODGEBALL: Being a movie star is tiring and you need to unwind, but there aren’t always dodgeballs available in your hotel room. Or opponents. No problem. Call room service and lob the phone at them. Problem solved. 
  1. ACCENT ROULETTE: After dumping his Spanish accent for the Spaniard in Gladiator, Russell felt his thespian chops short changed so to prove Ridley Scott wrong he used every accent he could think of in Robin Hood to hilarious effect. How many accents can you fit in to one film? He almost toppled Christopher Lambert’s fantastic turn in Highlander.
  1. GOOD FILM, BAD FILM: Always keep your fans guessing, by lacing serious performances, with the ho hum and occasionally the truly bad. This way your public will never take you for granted and critics will be genuinely confused. Remember for every Insider, there’s a State of Play just dying to burst out. ROCK N’ ROLL: Finally, get your old drinking buddies in a band and rock out, just to prove that all that sissy pretending stuff is just the day job and really deep down you’re a deeply uninteresting MOR pub rock singer who dreamt you were a movie star but now the dream is over.   
You’ve WON! YOU ARE RUSSELL CROWE!!!


LA Confidential 2 is due for release in 2016.