JIM CARREY ADVOCATES PICKING YOUR NOSE AND EATING IT

HOLLYWOOD – Comedian and actor Jim Carrey today caused shock waves in Hollywood by advocating picking your nose and eating it as a healthy alternatives to vaccination.

A longstanding critic of vaccinations, Jim Carrey has become the latest celebrity to advocate picking your nose and eating it. Critics of vaccines have long believed in nose-picking as a healthy substitute forvaccines. The comments came in an interview the Bruce Almighty actor gave to French cultural magazine Chappeau.

Firstly, I strongly believe that we produce our own natural vaccines that can be accessed via the nostril. Secondly, eating snot boosts the immune systems and successfully prevents measles and scurvy. Of course, no one is making any money from it and so nobody wants to believe it, but the results are absolutely stunning.

Jim Carrey is only the latest celebrity to come out in favor of the new health fad. Jennifer Anniston and Russell Crowe have been eating their own boogers for years. Meg Ryan even made claims that it works as an anti-aging cure.  However, the AMA say that clinical trials have yet to conclusively prove any health benefits from excavating and chomping on your own ‘green gold’.

We have done extensive trials and, although it is delicious, there is no conclusive proof of an identifiable health benefit.

Jim Carrey will be appearing in Jewel of the Nile.

NICOLE KIDMAN / MEG RYAN FACE SWAP HORROR

HOLLYWOOD – Nicole Kidman and Meg Ryan have swapped faces due to a mix up in Botox injections at a high end Malibu aesthetical correctional facility, Doctor Ralph Inguanos’ Shack.

Soon after the kerfuffle, the two actresses were horrified to find themselves sitting opposite each other at a charity dinner, organised to buy George Clooney more motorcycles. The George Clooney ‘I haven’t got enough motorcycles’ Foundation had just sat down to anitpasti when there was a horrified shriek from the table where the two actresses were sitting.

Sir Ian McKellen – on a nearby table, a cracker half raised to his lips – sat transfixed in horror as he stared at the two women: ‘It was fucking bull shit man,’ recalls Sir Ian. ‘These two wonderful fresh faced women had just become a fucking John Travolta Nic Cage Sci Fi John Woo directed thriller travesty of their former selves. Face off, mothefucker!’

Anne Hathaway, who was also at the lunch, had to be taken to hospital suffering from excessive glee.

Ms. Kidman’s agent Hostel Macalvoy said that the two ladies had agreed to appear in each other’s movie until the effects could be reversed. ‘I already have calls for a Freaky Friday style rom com,’ said Hostel. ‘And let’s face it freakk is the new chic.’

When Harry Met Sally 2 is due for release in 2016.