DISNEY TO REMAKE THE LION KING AS A CARTOON

HOLLYWOOD – Jon Favreau’s classic live action film The Lion King is to become a cartoon.

Jon Favreau‘s classic 2019 film The Lion King is to get a remake. Disney announced today that it is planning to film a new version of the classic tale as a cartoon. Simba, Mufasa, Scar, Nala, Pumba and Timon will all return. The songs including the hits Hakuna Matata and The Circle of Life by Tim Rice and Elton John will also feature.

Director Roger Allers told the Studio Exec:

We have the utmost respect for Jon Favreau and his team and what they did with the story. In fact, it’s quite daunting to think of following in the footsteps of the guy who made Iron Man 2. But Disney came to us and said, we like this story but do you think it could work as animation? Of course, I was nervous but I tried to hide it. I’ll do my best.

Will you use the same voice actors that Favreau used?

No, absolutely not. Donald Glover undoubtedly made Simba his own and there’s not much we can do to compete with that. So I’d rather try and strike out on my own and present a whole new generation of voices. For instance, Jeremy Irons is thinking of helping us out and the wonderful Matthew Broderick is on board.

Matthew Broderick told the SE:

I’m very excited by this prospect. In a way I feel it’s a return to familiar territory for me.

Because you actually played…

Ferris Bueller! That’s right. And Simba is the same kind of kid as Ferris. He’s witty and breaks the rules. And I can give him that cockiness.

However, not everyone is happy at the prospect. Jon Favreau recently told the New York Times:

This is bullshit. Why can’t they leave well alone. We spent two years creating photorealistic images of big cats and then they’re going to come along and remake it with what? Like drawings? Moving drawings? It’s totally bull crap and I don’t care who knows about it.

The Lion King is due out in 2024.

MANCHESTER BY THE SEA – REVIEW

REVIEW – In Manchester by the Sea, Robert Ford is sad because he married the woman from Shutter Island.

Casey Affleck plays Lee, a not so mild-mannered janitor. Just the way he fixes a toilet screams emotionally harrowing backstory. When his brother Joe (Kyle Chandler) dies, Lee has to go back to the titular town and wrap up his affairs, including a son Patrick (Lucas Hedges). Everything around him reminds him of the terrible trauma that led him to be the emotional damaged man we see today. Not to mention of course the fact he’s just lost his brother and Patrick has some problems of his own. Michelle Williams is Lee’s ex-wife – now pregnant with another partner – who returns for the funeral.

Kenneth Lonergan’s movie never shies away from the heights of melodrama. There’s a use of the most hackneyed piece of classical slosh – Albioni’s Adagio – which works completely. The humor  helps a great deal but also the refusal to proffer resolutions. There’s a bravery in the idea that no, everyone is not going to be all right. There’s some shit you’ll never come back from. Acting all around is excellent. Though a small cameo by Matthew Broderick only had the effect in my screening of making everyone shout in unison ‘Hey! Is that Matthew Broderick?’

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DID YOU KNOW FERRIS BUELLER WAS A REAL PERSON?

ATLANTA – He was the inspiration for the 1980s go-getter delinquent, but the man who gave John Hughes’ eponymous truant featured in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off has shunned the limelight, until now.

Meeting Ferris Bueller for the first time can be disconcerting. One can’t help but think to a youthful Matthew Broderick breaking the fourth wall with a sassy piece of high school wisdom. However, the Studio Exec went down to Alpharetta in Georgia, not far from Atlanta and there in a small bungalow of Mason Street was a post box with the name ‘Ferris Bueller’ for all to see. A middle aged man, slightly over weight and wearing a mullet that is only legal in the state of Georgia, comes to the door in a house coat.

ferris bueller
Ferris today

‘Ferris Bueller, pleased to know you!’ he says and instantly the magic is back.

We sit in his breakfast nook and Ferris gets wistful as we consider this historical moment.

How did you meet John Hughes?

We went to school together in Chicago, Illinois. We were good friends. Well, actually, I did use him a bit. He was uptight you know. Always wanting to study and please his asshole father. I wanted to have fun. I’m sorry to say I manipulated him a little. If you watch the film, Cameron (played by Alan Ruck) was actually John. All that stuff about the car was true. It was that day that made him into a writer and so it didn’t surprise me that he turned it into a film as well.

Amazing. And the other stuff was true?

Pretty much all of it. It didn’t happen in one day. We had a series of days when I didn’t want to go to school. Sloane Peterson (Mia Sara) was actually called Jenny Pitz, and she wasn’t as good looking as all that, but she was willing if you know what I mean. The war of wits with Ed Rooney, the art gallery, the car, the parade, all of that was true. Ed Rooney killed himself that very year.

What happened when you saw the film?

I’d like to say I was flattered, but the film came out a good few years after we’d all gone our different ways.  My carpe diem attitude didn’t fly with my employers and I found myself having to go back home and live with my mom and dad. Plus I had a fairly serious drug problem. Again living life to its fullest does sometimes lead you into the arms of Miss Crystal Meth and she is a vixen with a tenacious hold.

Oh no.

I used to call John Hughes all the time asking for money, or threatening that I’d kidnap him, but he’d laugh it off as a joke. He didn’t know I was deadly serious. I had rope and everything. Luckily I was too f*cked up to ever carry it out. Fact was at that point Ferris Bueller was taking years off. Years and years.

But you seem to have got it together now. 

Yeah. I do okay. I went back to school and got myself a vocational degree from Community College. I really got a taste for it you know. The learning. I’m still taking classes. I’m learning French and I want to do philosophy next year. Not for work or anything, just for my whole personal development.

And the drugs?

Oh the drugs are a thing of the past. I’m glad to say. No, what I am now is what you would call a functioning alcoholic. It ain’t ideal, but she’ll do for the moment.

And the film?

Shortly before John died we got together and I had the opportunity to talk about it and I told him I liked the film. It brought back lots of great memories. I can’t say, even with everything that happened to me, that I regret taking that day off.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is due to be released in 1986.

 

SONY HACKER ARRESTED

A man who police claim to be the Sony Hacker has been apprehended by the police.

The man, who the police identified as Matthew Broderick, is believed to be the leader of the Guardians of Peace, a pressure group who hacked into Sony servers and have been releasing embarrassing emails and pirate copies of films onto the internet ever since.

Officer Whickles spoke to the Studio Exec:

I’m fairly confident we have the right man. He has priors. In the Eighties he broke into the Pentagon war room computer, the mainframe that controls the nuclear weapons and he almost precipitated World War Three. Since that time he has been a person of interest and when we saw what was going on at Sony we knew this had his cyber fingerprints all over it.

As for motivation, Officer Whickles was quick to discount the notion that the Guardians of the Peace were objecting to the release of the Seth Rogen and James Franco film The Interview.

It appears to be more complex than that. We have email correspondence between Franco, Rogen and Matthew Broderick which clearly shows the hacking and the story behind it were concocted as some misguided ‘viral campaign’ to promote the film.

Matthew Broderick faces up to three films with Reese Witherspoon if found guilty.

The Interview will be released despite our best efforts. 

 

OLIVER STONE GETS HIS SNOWDEN

HOLLYWOOD – Following fast on the news that Oliver Stone was to write and direct a film based on the life on NSA whistle blower Edward Snowden comes the news that Matthew Broderick has signed on to play him.

The Platoon and World Trade Center director said:

As soon as I begin writing a script, I have to have an actor in mind, and usually that might influence casting but it is rarely the case that an actor comes back to me so quickly and actually ends up playing the role. It happened with Jimmy Woods in Salvador. But Matthew obviously sees a chance to be in an important movie and I was lucky to get him seeing Godzilla has been such a smash!

What made you think of Broderick?

War Games initially. I see Snowden as someone who weirdly has been himself playing a role and that role is David Lightman from War Games. Of course, then I realized he’s also Ferris Beuller from Ferris Beuller’s Day Off. He also took a day off and sang Twist and Shout with a parade band, you know, metaphorically.

Broderick himself told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY that he was overjoyed to be working with Oliver Stone.

The man is a savvy political commentator but he also has an eye on the Zeitgeist and can exploit it to produce hugely popular mass entertainment. Just look at Alexander

Erm.

Anyway he’s obviously seen that there’s a hunger for these contemporary political pictures. See how well the Julian Assange movie, The Fifth Estate did.

But that movie performed really badly at the box office.

Ah. I knew you were going to say that, but Oliver told me that those figures are basically invented and put up by the Illuminati and the Bilderberg group to make political film makers feel disenchanted. They did the exact same thing with the Oscar winning Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Edward Snowden’s Day Off will be released in 2015. 

MATTHEW BRODERICK: ‘I’M KILLING OFF BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN’

HOLLYWOOD – Matthew Broderick has finally ended years of speculation and admitted that Bruce Springsteen is a fictional character he has been playing on and off for decades.

In an exclusive interview, Bueller told the Studio Exec:

It’s all started when I guest starred on Taxi and Andy Kaufman and I got gassing. He was finishing a stint as a Welsh actor he concocted. I can’t remember the name, Richard … something. Anyway it seemed like a fun piece of performance art, to blow off steam between movies, so I invented the ‘Boss’.

Are you killing off the character completely?

Yeah man I think it’s time. These world tours, Jesus, it’s exhausting, especially when you can feel that the joke just isn’t funny anymore. I mean, back when I wrote and recorded Born to Run, it was just a silly jape to flesh out the character, and I’m really glad people bought into it but I think it’s run it’s course. Satirical albums like Born in the USA, sure I could knock out one of those in an afternoon for my own amusement but it’s just become a bit of a day job.

So what are you going to do with all this free time?

I’d like to just be a straight actor now I think. Movies like Godzilla, which were companion pieces to the Springsteen project were also a fun diversion but I think I want to get away from that kind of surrealist comedy thing. The beast as the manifestation of the comedy persona running rampant etc. I’m done with it. I think I might ditch my other characters too.

Surely you’ll keep some of the old favorites?

No, clean slate I think. It’s time to put the Michael J Fox character to bed too. I mean it got dark for a while there. And as much as the character fits like a sock I’ve just ran out of places to take him. As for Val Kilmer, I just can’t take another day in that facial prosthetic, besides, he never really took off anyway; a lot of people simply don’t find the character funny.

Any new ‘straight’ projects lined up?

Not until I complete my Magnum P.I. contract; apparently there was some small print about a TV movie that we never got around to in the 80’s, so for a one off I’m putting the old ‘tache back on and doing the old Tom Selleck routine. Just one more job and I’m out.

Magnum P.I. will be released in 2016. 

REMAKE WATCH: THE NEW POSEIDON ADVENTURE

HOLLYWOOD – A new film based on the Paul Gallico novel The Poseidon Adventure is to begin filming right this minute.

The film is to be directed by Werner Herzog and will star Matthew Broderick as a troubled priest (played in the original by Gene Hackman) who has to put aside his shaky faith in order to rescue the passengers of a luxury cruise ship after it is hit by a tidal wave. Studio Exec had the opportunity to speak to Herzog while dodging machine gun fire.

So a disaster movie, what attracts you to the genre?

Life is a disaster and so for me it stands as the perfect metaphor for the position of the human soul in the abyss of an obsidian darkness that isolates one totally and in which the soul trembles and quakes weeping and beating its chest if a soul can be said to have a chest. 

And what relationship does your film have to the 2006 remake Poseidon?

What remake? I don’t understand. 

The remake starring Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss? Directed by Wolfgang Petersen?

You’re kidding me right. There’s a remake of this film already? You have to be (as they say) shitting me. Seriously. I spoke to Wolfgang yesterday. Now it makes sense why he couldn’t stop laughing. It’s the Bad Lieutenant all over again. Oh, hell.

Well no one actually saw the film.

I’ve been going to meetings, talking to studio heads and no one has mentioned this other film. Wait a minute, did you say Richard Dreyfuss is in it? Because I cast him as the ship’s captain. Why didn’t he say anything? All he wanted to talk about was money.

So what are your plans?

 I’ll make it nevertheless. I mean why not. The money they give me for this I can film seventeen documentaries. Perhaps everyone will have forgotten the other film.  

Ah!

Oh, you’ve been shot. No it’s okay. The bullet went right through, see? You’ll be fine.  

SARAH JESSICA PARKER FIRED FROM STRIKING DISTANCE 2

Muffy (right)

HOLLYWOOD – Producer Ron Bozman revealed today in a candid interview in French cultural magazine Chapeau that Sarah Jessica Parker has been fired from the sequel to the 1993 film Striking Distance – provisionally entitled Striking Distance 2: A New Boat – which is currently filming in Louisiana. Parker, who was reprising her role as Jo Christman, was apparently “very difficult” to work with.
“You wouldn’t believe the attitude… I got called to the set almost everyday,” said Bozman. “Her husband Matthew Broderick’d call all the time while we were filming. You think she’d be a bit more professional but she’d just start screaming and say he needed her.” He recalled the event that broke the horse’s back: “He drove all the way down to the set… wearing a ridiculous pink apron, babbling about a recipe for snickerdoodles… and that was when I said she was out.”

Rowdy Herrington, director of the original film, refused the project as he is currently busy directing puppet shows for seniors at the Soft Twilight Nursing Home for Dignified Incontinence. The studio then turned to Renny Harlin, whose schedule was very open: in between filming the occasional episode of a USA network series, he spends his time standing on the Rocky Mountains where his 1993 film Cliffhanger was shot, simply screaming “Why?” 

A lot of footage had been shot with Parker, but relief came in the form of an acting horse, rising animal star Muffy McGee, one of the few survivors of Peter Jackson’s animal holocaust. Bozman gushed about Parker’s replacement: “We put Muffy on set and continued filming, we were amazed it matched the rest of the footage perfectly.”

Bruce Willis, who is reprising his role as Det. Tom Hardy, was unconcerned about the re-casting of his co-star. “Am I getting paid for these questions?” he asked. For a moment he stood in silence with one eye closed and a crooked smirk on his face, then continued: “It doesn’t really matter to me who my co-star is, I’m getting paid. I stopped caring long ago… I mean, remember my role on Friends, or Armageddon? Who would agree to work with David Schwimmer or Ben Affleck if they weren’t getting a fat check?”

It’s unclear if Parker’s firing will affect her career. The only project the actress currently has in the pipeline is an unspecified role in Antoine Fuqua’s Mutha Flicka, which is said to be a “Dark and gritty” entry in the classic film series.

Striking Distance 2 is set for release this Fall.