DISNEY BUY CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER

HOLLYWOOD – In a deal worth $78 billion, media giants Disney have just bought Canadian actor Christopher Plummer.

Following the purchase of Star Wars, Marvel, Pixar and now Fox, the Disney Company have just announced a $78 billion dollar deal to buy Sound of Music star Christopher Plummer. Media Analyst Dunque Screens told the Studio Exec:

This is a great deal for Disney. It looks like a lot of money but what Disney are getting is not just Mr. Plummer’s extensive back catalogue and his film work and TV work, they’re also getting the rights to whoever Mr. Plummer replaces in the next few years. And looking at the pace of the scandals currently sweeping Hollywood and the entertainment industry generally that could mean extensive acquisitions.

However, critics of the deal point to this widespread application of Christopher Plummer as a problem. Marquis Martinique underlined this danger:

When Disney got Marvel, they got Iron Man, Avengers and all those properties. With Star Wars, they get the films, but also the characters and the universe. And with Fox they get the Simpsons and the X-Men. Now, with Plummer, they get Kevin Spacey, Bryan Singer, Brett Ratner, Def Jam records, Matt Lauer, the documentaries of Morgan Sporlock and the entire back catalogue of Woody Allen and Roman Polanski as well as the Cosby Show.

The Monopolies and Mergers Commission will inspect the sale closely.

Image courtesy of @thePixelFactor. Follow him on twitter here.

GERALDO RIVERA’S MUSTACHE ACCUSED OF FACIAL HARASSMENT

NEW YORK – Geraldo Rivera’s mustache has been accused of facial harassment.

Fox News correspondent Geraldo Rivera took to Twitter late last night to accuse his mustache of harassing him. The veteran reporter tweeted:

It started forty years ago as part of a beard but since that my mustache has stared calling the shots. What started as innocent facial growth has now taken over my personality completely.

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with the Studio Exec Geraldo claimed that his mustache was responsible for some of his stranger decisions.

The whole Matt Lauer thing was my mustache’s idea. You probably won’t believe me, but that thing can tweet. It has an intelligence all its own. During the night if I don’t do exactly what it says, it grows up my nose and into my mouth and tries to suffocate me. Like the tree in the Evil Dead movies. I mean, shit, man!

So you’re saying that you didn’t make those comments about News being a ‘flirty business’?

No. That was Baffi.

Baffi?

That’s what I call them.

Them?

Well, technically my mustaches are plural. One either side. Like magnificent hair wings.

Geraldo Rivera will resign by the end of the week amidst an avalanche of allegations about mustache oil.