MARY POPPINS RETURNS WILL BE A HARD ‘R’

Mary Poppins sequel – Mary Poppins Returns – starring Emily Blunt, will be a hard ‘R’, according to sources inside the studio.

Following the release of the trailer for the new Disney film Mary Poppins Returns, it came as a surprise when rumors began to float around that the film would receive a hard R rating, usually reserved for extreme violence or explicit sex. A source close to the production told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Well, there is a lot of fucking.

But this is Mary Poppins Returns? It’s a Disney film. You know? For kids?

I know but Rob Marshall wanted to take it in a totally different direction. Yes, we have the kids and Mary Poppins and London. But we also have poverty, social commentary. Lin Manuel Miranda wanted his chimney sweeps to be tough and sexy and blimey is all I can say: blimey. 

There are still songs though, aren’t there?

Oh yes, but they’re all updated. Sexy MF by Prince makes an appearance as well Rihanna’s Bitch Better Have My Money. These are mixed in with the classics like Get up my Chim-Chiminee and Supercalifragiolisticxxxbialidocious. Though the lyrics are a bit different.

Mary Poppins Returns will be out in December.

MARY POPPINS RETURNS: PEOPLE STILL SHOCKED THAT DISNEY MAKE SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – In news that totally blindsided the internet yesterday it was announced that beloved Disney classic Mary Poppins would have a sequel, provisionally entitled Mary Poppins Returns.

It came out of a blue sky, a missile with an umbrella and a big bag full of an unbelievable amount of consternation. Mary Poppins Returns is actually going to happen and people lost their shit! Across Social Media the keening sound that Arab women make when mourning could be heard echoing across old London town. ‘It’s unbelievable,’ one irate blogger wrote.

How can Disney do this? Everyone knows that Mary Poppins is a unique story beloved of generations. Why ruin everything with an unnecessary, money grabbing sequel?

The shock was felt all the more keenly because Disney have never done such a thing in the past. Of course, there has been Aladdin 2: Jafar’s Revenge, Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride, The Rescuers Down Under, The Lion King 1 and a half, The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea, Bambi 2, Tarzan and Jane, Pocahontas 2: Journey to the New World,  The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2, Cinderella 2 and 3, 101 Dalmatians 2: Patch’s London Adventure, The Fox and the Hound 2, Kronk’s New Groove and so on. And that’s not to mention the Pixar sequels and Star Wars: the Force Awakens and so on and so forth. And it can’t be done well obviously as was proven by the recent live action remake of The Jungle Book which was critically lambasted oops sorry lauded. Of course, what really hurts is that this is taking a property from the writer PL Travers (played by Emma Thompson) that was unique and special and one of a kind. Along with the other seven books that she wrote in the series!

Emily Blunt will play Mary Poppins.

Mary Poppins Returns will be released in December, 2018.